Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly I doubt that if you consort with middle class people, you are familiar with many upper class people. I don’t mean that in a snobby way, it’s just the truth. So I doubt your data pool is significant. Alternatively, if you’re mostly around UC, then I think you can’t really opine on the MC.

Are you serious? If you live and/or work in the DMV it’s mostly populated with UC/UMC and MC people.

Your neighbor in McLean: most likely UC or UMC
The EVP at your work UC or UMC
Your child’s teacher: MC or UMC
Your esthetician: MC or UMC

NP here. That’s why OP’s premise is ridiculous. That would mean everyone around her is an @sshole. Which makes me think that it’s really OP. I mean do people seriously believe this nonsense?!?! That every single person is friendly until they get a certain amount of $$ (whatever designation OP decides) and once they go over they suddenly become jerks. Use logic.

[Anonymous]

In my experience with UMC people:

- they have highly stressful highly paid jobs. Because of this they are very high functioning and high strung. They are wake up at 4 am, workout, get showered, get dressed and drop their kids off at school and then work until 7 or 8. After that they’re busy with kid’s activities. They do not literally have time or mental capacity for causal chit chat with their neighbor or barista or the teacher at school.

- since their time is precious they spend it in intentional and strategic ways. Going golfing with peers and superiors at work to build their networks; spending quality time with family; working with their children to perfect their violin or lax practice.

- they are exclusionary and are not interested in people who aren’t on their level socially, financially and intellectually. They will not go out of their way to befriend you if you’re not high status, wealthy or extremely professionally driven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Related to the people talking about social bonds and community--Statistically, Middle Class people (real middle class, not DCUM middle class) are much more likely to regularly attend church than their upper middle class counterparts.

And going to church certainly does not make them better people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?

I disagree with just about everything posted here. UMC people are not friendly because the do not have time to be. If you are rich you have time. Poor you have time. MC -- not much time but some. UMC are pulled in so many directions at the same time that they simply don't have time to be friendly with everyone.

If you are UMC through work your work consumes 12 plus hours every day. Then add in kid activities.

When I am going through my day I am thinking about maybe a half dozen things at work and with kids and spouse. No time for you sorry to say.

Absolutely ridiculous. You can be busy but friendly and kind.

OP is complaining about people not wanting to be their friend. You can be cordial and polite but not really have more time for people. The day is only so long and there are other priorities. OP said people aren't going out of their way to befriend them. Why would they? They are busy, as several have noted. That doesn't make them unkind.

Sit down. People aren't clamoring to be your friend.

Go read the OP. That's exactly what is being said. Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Related to the people talking about social bonds and community--Statistically, Middle Class people (real middle class, not DCUM middle class) are much more likely to regularly attend church than their upper middle class counterparts.

And going to church certainly does not make them better people.

No, but it does help them have better social skills. UMC in this area are clowns-self important, no social skills, and miserable enough to occasionally post on here “why don’t I have any friends?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Related to the people talking about social bonds and community--Statistically, Middle Class people (real middle class, not DCUM middle class) are much more likely to regularly attend church than their upper middle class counterparts.

And going to church certainly does not make them better people.

This has nothing to do with being a better person, but rather being more social

[Anonymous]

Because they're from New England.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who need other people often have stronger social networks by necessity. People who give each other rides home from work,
watch each others kids, help each other move, loan a pick up truck, etc. When you don’t have a lot of money, you develop an informal economy where you barter for services.

Who do you hear worrying or complaining about childcare, days of school, etc? It’s often UMC moms because they don’t have a network of people to help out. When I was a kid, I didn’t go to extended day. My mom paid a stay at home mom on our street a small amount to walk me to the bus with her own kids each morning. We also lived in a place where the dentist, the woman who cleaned our house, our mechanic, the manager of a local restaurant we frequented - all were parents of kids at my school.

I am now in a position that I can pay for a lot of services. I don’t know the women who clean my house. I don’t know where my hairdresser or dentist live. I don’t need to - nor is it considered rude that I don’t know their kids names. I am friendly and connected to my neighbors, my coworkers, parents at my kids school or their activities and sports teams. I am not outgoing with people outside those groups. I like to think I am courteous and polite, but I am not asking your dog’s name or trying to figure out if your grandmother went to high school with my uncle.

This is on the nose. There is social science research supporting this explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, truly upper class people know that you’re no competition. Their assured success for themselves and their offspring have nothing to do with you. So they can be gracious with you.

Middle-class people are clowns. They are truck drivers and secretaries, or maybe they are Feds destined to max out at GS-12. They think you’re supposed to follow the Golden Rule rather than assessing whether the other person is worthy.

UMCs have attained success but know it’s tenuous. After all, this is America. So yeah, I’ll coach your kid, but mine will pitch and play shortstop. Unless of course your FIL is GC at a corporation that could lock in my partnership if I bring their business. Then my kid will play 3b or 2b, pitch #2, and play short when yours pitches.

Congratulations, this is the most horrifying thing I've read on DCUM today. The idea that you'd use a leadership position to take out your class anxieties on OTHER CHILDREN to get yours ahead of them is really terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?

I think it's the DC area. Most people are aloof and feel they are career and status focused. We lived up north and out west in Washington and people are more down to earth and friendly in both areas. My family from out west always says how cold people are here when they visit it's noticeable to people from other areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who need other people often have stronger social networks by necessity. People who give each other rides home from work,
watch each others kids, help each other move, loan a pick up truck, etc. When you don’t have a lot of money, you develop an informal economy where you barter for services.

Who do you hear worrying or complaining about childcare, days of school, etc? It’s often UMC moms because they don’t have a network of people to help out. When I was a kid, I didn’t go to extended day. My mom paid a stay at home mom on our street a small amount to walk me to the bus with her own kids each morning. We also lived in a place where the dentist, the woman who cleaned our house, our mechanic, the manager of a local restaurant we frequented - all were parents of kids at my school.

I am now in a position that I can pay for a lot of services. I don’t know the women who clean my house. I don’t know where my hairdresser or dentist live. I don’t need to - nor is it considered rude that I don’t know their kids names. I am friendly and connected to my neighbors, my coworkers, parents at my kids school or their activities and sports teams. I am not outgoing with people outside those groups. I like to think I am courteous and polite, but I am not asking your dog’s name or trying to figure out if your grandmother went to high school with my uncle.

This is on the nose. There is social science research supporting this explanation.

This is such a weird post. I’ve had the same dentist and hairdresser for years and I know the basics about them. Especially my hairdresser! And I always chat w my housekeeper who I also have had for years. Couldn’t it just be you can’t cast a wide net around umc people and some are nice and some are jerks same as everywhere else???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?

I disagree with just about everything posted here. UMC people are not friendly because the do not have time to be. If you are rich you have time. Poor you have time. MC -- not much time but some. UMC are pulled in so many directions at the same time that they simply don't have time to be friendly with everyone.

If you are UMC through work your work consumes 12 plus hours every day. Then add in kid activities.

When I am going through my day I am thinking about maybe a half dozen things at work and with kids and spouse. No time for you sorry to say.

Absolutely ridiculous. You can be busy but friendly and kind.

OP is complaining about people not wanting to be their friend. You can be cordial and polite but not really have more time for people. The day is only so long and there are other priorities. OP said people aren't going out of their way to befriend them. Why would they? They are busy, as several have noted. That doesn't make them unkind.

Sit down. People aren't clamoring to be your friend.

Go read the OP. That's exactly what is being said. Try again.

The essence of the PPs is that the UMC are stand offish and "don't need any more friends" - that is what I was responding to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?

I think it's the DC area. Most people are aloof and feel they are career and status focused. We lived up north and out west in Washington and people are more down to earth and friendly in both areas. My family from out west always says how cold people are here when they visit it's noticeable to people from other areas.

The rudeness is certainly regional. There are other areas of the US that DC-area people claim are "rude" - but nothing compared to the DC-area, IRL. Seems DC-area people who have not resided elsewhere think that DC-area rudeness is base level "normal".

[Anonymous]

Actual UC people are cordial to everyone, but 100% guarded with anyone whose grandfather their grandfather didn’t know at the Knickerbocker Club or Prouts Neck.

They assume everyone is trying to get in their pockets or ask for a favor.

There’s a lot of class angst in this country and a plurality in each class are pretty unpleasant to people who they perceive are in a different (higher or lower) class than themselves. This isn’t new. It doesn’t mean “everyone” but it does mean a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?

I think when you try to put people in a box to fit your narrative, you will always be wrong OP. You have a chip on your shoulder.