What is the obsession on DCUM with university rankings and were your kid goes to school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sent our kids to public schools in NOVA then to UVA. Saved thousands and thousands of dollars in tuition while the kids got a great education and attended a college that was plenty good enough for us to hold our heads up high at cocktail parties and other DMV social events - and to retire much earlier than the typical DCUM poster.

But hey, continue to argue about whether Northeastern or Emory or Tulane or etc is prestigious and worth the money. Y’all are crazy.

Now that's not nice.

Your choices were fine, thoughtful, and right for you. Be nice to people who make different ones or everyone will think you are an A.H.

No, my choices weren’t just “fine” - they were the only reasonable choice for anyone who isn’t truly independently wealthy and for whom money truly is no object. And I’m talking about the truly wealthy - not Biglaw partners types, for example, who still have to work for their money and justify their horrible jobs by saying they’re necessary because they pay for private schools followed by a Tulane. Ridiculous. Just ridiculous.

Just this past weekend we hosted several couples around our same age, with similar backgrounds and educations and for a time incomes, and more than one of them was lamenting the end of the student loan payment freeze and saying they will be paying off loans for their kids’ colleges until they’re dead. We - early retirees - feigned empathy because we’re nice people, but in reality we have none. We think they’re nuts for making the decisions they did.

And I’m not just talking about borrowing. I’m talking about saving thousands of dollars a year into 529s at the expense of finding retirements or other investment accounts or activities so your kids can “go wherever they want regardless of cost.” WTF??? It makes no sense.

Many of us don't have a UVA or similar as an instate option, and as such, it makes almost no difference sending our kids to a public or private school.

But sure, go ahead and lament everyone else for their options or choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sent our kids to public schools in NOVA then to UVA. Saved thousands and thousands of dollars in tuition while the kids got a great education and attended a college that was plenty good enough for us to hold our heads up high at cocktail parties and other DMV social events - and to retire much earlier than the typical DCUM poster.

But hey, continue to argue about whether Northeastern or Emory or Tulane or etc is prestigious and worth the money. Y’all are crazy.

1. You sound bitter
2. Emory is a better school than UVA
3. This board hates Northeastern and Tulane and would never compare than to UVA let alone Emory.
4. UVA parents are always trying to validate their choice by bringing better schools down.

Look, I’m not here to argue whether Emory or Tulane or Northeastern is “better” or worse than UVA. This much is clear, though: none of them is so much better that they are worth twice the price and then some.

You have a very linear vision and thinking.
Many other people have different situations and conditions.

Give an example of such “situations and conditions” where it makes sense to compromise you and your family’s entire financial future for college when you have the in state UVA option.

For one thing, the website is called DC Urban Moms. A lot of readers on this board do not live in Virginia and thus don't have the option of applying in state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think ultimately a lot of it is insecurity. The most obsessed parents have spent their entire parenting years aiming for their kids to have the BEST of everything. Now they finally come up against something where that is completely out of their control. They want guarantees for their kids' future and they think a prestigious college and STEM degree are the way to get that. But they can't just write a check and make it happen.

We didn't get into that obsession because I'm realistic enough to know that my kids aren't in that level academically (strong students but not the top 5-10% of their HS). And, that's all for the best because we can't afford those schools anyway. So one goes to Virginia Tech (not engineering) and one goes to a mid-range LAC where the price is similar to VT. Both are getting plenty of opportunities and ultimately it's up to them what they do with those. Same as it was for DH and I at the not-top-tier public universities we went to. I firmly believe that it comes down to what you do at college not the specific name on the diploma (with the caveat that yes, brand matters when it comes to careers like IB and elite consulting firms, neither of which are target careers for my kids).

+1

Where you go does not matter, except for a few small career paths, but what you do while you are there matters 1000%. Smart kids will excel wherever they go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the UVA poster and I’m being misunderstood. I’m not saying UVA is the be all and end all. Not at all. What I’m really saying is that NO college is the be all and end all when you have to compromise your financial future to make it happen.

+1. Go where you can afford. If you cannot get into your state flagship (UVA/VaTEch) then look at other states schools, privates that offer merit, OOS schools that over merit, etc. Find the right fit for the right price. No school is worth $80K/year unless you have it saved and were still saving correctly for retirement, etc. Someone with stats for a top 25 school can find many many options just a tier or two below that will be same as in-state or many times even cheaper. If you don't have $320K+ saved for college go that route and your kid will be further ahead without any debt/minimal debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the UVA poster and I’m being misunderstood. I’m not saying UVA is the be all and end all. Not at all. What I’m really saying is that NO college is the be all and end all when you have to compromise your financial future to make it happen.

+1. Go where you can afford. If you cannot get into your state flagship (UVA/VaTEch) then look at other states schools, privates that offer merit, OOS schools that over merit, etc. Find the right fit for the right price. No school is worth $80K/year unless you have it saved and were still saving correctly for retirement, etc. Someone with stats for a top 25 school can find many many options just a tier or two below that will be same as in-state or many times even cheaper. If you don't have $320K+ saved for college go that route and your kid will be further ahead without any debt/minimal debt

There are also people very comfortable with $80K/year.
You don't need to make choices for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sent our kids to public schools in NOVA then to UVA. Saved thousands and thousands of dollars in tuition while the kids got a great education and attended a college that was plenty good enough for us to hold our heads up high at cocktail parties and other DMV social events - and to retire much earlier than the typical DCUM poster.

But hey, continue to argue about whether Northeastern or Emory or Tulane or etc is prestigious and worth the money. Y’all are crazy.

1. You sound bitter
2. Emory is a better school than UVA
3. This board hates Northeastern and Tulane and would never compare than to UVA let alone Emory.
4. UVA parents are always trying to validate their choice by bringing better schools down.

Look, I’m not here to argue whether Emory or Tulane or Northeastern is “better” or worse than UVA. This much is clear, though: none of them is so much better that they are worth twice the price and then some.

My kid got scholarshp, so luckily they could get the F outta VA, and explore other parts of the country (Boston) in earlier age.
It was great choice.

We’re not talking about scholarship kids. Those kids don’t pay ridiculous tuition. But why not name the school that your kid went to instead of UVA? It would be helpful to the discussion.

That was a DP but my first kid didn’t get into uva so took a free ride to a state school DCUM thinks is a safety but is changing. Now attending a T20 law school with a generous amount of merit aid. My second kid that didn’t get into UVA went to a different “state Ivy” that doesn’t offer merit aid. We are paying for that and we’re fine with it. Because it’s better than all the other VA options and we can afford it.

[Anonymous]

It's posted a lot because the journey is interesting. Choices are interesting.

[Anonymous]

People are obsessed about going to top schools because they myth that attending them leads to a significantly better life than other great alternatives (like good state schools) continues to be perpetuated. In reality, going to a top ivy or Stanford, Duke, MIT sounds nice at a social event, and that's about it. In the real world most people care about what skills and attitude you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be new here.

Why do so many of you care where our DC or other kids choose to go to college? I just don't understand all the arguments Public vs Private, blah blah blah. Top 10-50 colleges or bust? (You are a fool for spending $50K a year on private school) when my kids public school was free (and our public kid was accepted to the same university as your private school kid}.

What exactly is the point of these posts? Why does it matter? I hope that we all make decisions that we believe are best for our kids.

Because this forum is full of grubby and lowly middle class strivers. They have nothing else but obsessively living through the "prestige" of where their kids go to college. They are convinced a top 25 college is THE golden ticket to their family "making it" and climbing the social status ladder. It's laughably absurd, of course. The richest families I know don't give a flying f*** about any of this. Their kids go wherever they're a fit, be it a large public "party school" or a small and obscure private liberal arts college or Duke or an Ivy. It also demonstrates the parents obsessed with this nonsense were themselves educated at non-selective colleges, as parents with prestige bachelor's degrees know it isn't some golden ticket. Only low-information striver wannabes are convinced this matters.

Wow there is so much to unpack here…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sent our kids to public schools in NOVA then to UVA. Saved thousands and thousands of dollars in tuition while the kids got a great education and attended a college that was plenty good enough for us to hold our heads up high at cocktail parties and other DMV social events - and to retire much earlier than the typical DCUM poster.

But hey, continue to argue about whether Northeastern or Emory or Tulane or etc is prestigious and worth the money. Y’all are crazy.

1. You sound bitter
2. Emory is a better school than UVA
3. This board hates Northeastern and Tulane and would never compare than to UVA let alone Emory.
4. UVA parents are always trying to validate their choice by bringing better schools down.

Look, I’m not here to argue whether Emory or Tulane or Northeastern is “better” or worse than UVA. This much is clear, though: none of them is so much better that they are worth twice the price and then some.

You have a very linear vision and thinking.
Many other people have different situations and conditions.

Give an example of such “situations and conditions” where it makes sense to compromise you and your family’s entire financial future for college when you have the in state UVA option.

More than 90% of VA high school kids do not have the option to attend UVA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We sent our kids to public schools in NOVA then to UVA. Saved thousands and thousands of dollars in tuition while the kids got a great education and attended a college that was plenty good enough for us to hold our heads up high at cocktail parties and other DMV social events - and to retire much earlier than the typical DCUM poster.

But hey, continue to argue about whether Northeastern or Emory or Tulane or etc is prestigious and worth the money. Y’all are crazy.

This is kind of a typical DCUM answer. Some useful perspective wrapped up in smug snarkiness designed to prop up a fragile ego. It certainly raises questions (written in the same smug, snarkiness to illustrate the point):

1. Who has "cocktail parties" anymore? Are you re-enacting Mad Men scenes in a mid-century version of Medieval Times?

2. When you're at these parties, why does anyone feel the need to talk about and, more importantly, "care" about where other people's kids went to college to the point of not "holding their heads up high" if they didn't make the "right" choice? Don't any of you have lives of your own separate from your children? Is everyone still talking about their kids' 8th grade Little League games or elementary school spelling bee victories?

3. Why would you brag about retiring early? Were you in a dead-end job? Why couldn't you find a job or career that held your interest for longer so you wouldn't need to use your children's colleges to bolster your faltering self-confidence as you age?

4. I agree that it's crazy to think about, much less argue about, whether someone else's kid's school choice is prestigious or worth the money. It's also crazy to argue about whether someone else's car, house, activity or summer camp for their kids, or family vacation is prestigious or worth the money. These are all just personal consumption choices, just like their kid's college or private school. They say nothing about anyone's parenting skills, intelligence, or status. There's no "right" or "wrong" answer as long as someone can make the payments for it.

In short, the answer to the OP is that this rankings obsession seems to be a DCUM, but probably DC Metro area generally, malady. Lots of striving, lots of poor self-confidence, lots of FOMO, and lots of pettiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sent our kids to public schools in NOVA then to UVA. Saved thousands and thousands of dollars in tuition while the kids got a great education and attended a college that was plenty good enough for us to hold our heads up high at cocktail parties and other DMV social events - and to retire much earlier than the typical DCUM poster.

But hey, continue to argue about whether Northeastern or Emory or Tulane or etc is prestigious and worth the money. Y’all are crazy.

Now that's not nice.

Your choices were fine, thoughtful, and right for you. Be nice to people who make different ones or everyone will think you are an A.H.

No, my choices weren’t just “fine” - they were the only reasonable choice for anyone who isn’t truly independently wealthy and for whom money truly is no object. And I’m talking about the truly wealthy - not Biglaw partners types, for example, who still have to work for their money and justify their horrible jobs by saying they’re necessary because they pay for private schools followed by a Tulane. Ridiculous. Just ridiculous.

Just this past weekend we hosted several couples around our same age, with similar backgrounds and educations and for a time incomes, and more than one of them was lamenting the end of the student loan payment freeze and saying they will be paying off loans for their kids’ colleges until they’re dead. We - early retirees - feigned empathy because we’re nice people, but in reality we have none. We think they’re nuts for making the decisions they did.

And I’m not just talking about borrowing. I’m talking about saving thousands of dollars a year into 529s at the expense of finding retirements or other investment accounts or activities so your kids can “go wherever they want regardless of cost.” WTF??? It makes no sense.

Really???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sent our kids to public schools in NOVA then to UVA. Saved thousands and thousands of dollars in tuition while the kids got a great education and attended a college that was plenty good enough for us to hold our heads up high at cocktail parties and other DMV social events - and to retire much earlier than the typical DCUM poster.

But hey, continue to argue about whether Northeastern or Emory or Tulane or etc is prestigious and worth the money. Y’all are crazy.

1. You sound bitter
2. Emory is a better school than UVA
3. This board hates Northeastern and Tulane and would never compare than to UVA let alone Emory.
4. UVA parents are always trying to validate their choice by bringing better schools down.

Look, I’m not here to argue whether Emory or Tulane or Northeastern is “better” or worse than UVA. This much is clear, though: none of them is so much better that they are worth twice the price and then some.

My kid got scholarshp, so luckily they could get the F outta VA, and explore other parts of the country (Boston) in earlier age.
It was great choice.

We’re not talking about scholarship kids. Those kids don’t pay ridiculous tuition. But why not name the school that your kid went to instead of UVA? It would be helpful to the discussion.

That was a DP but my first kid didn’t get into uva so took a free ride to a state school DCUM thinks is a safety but is changing. Now attending a T20 law school with a generous amount of merit aid. My second kid that didn’t get into UVA went to a different “state Ivy” that doesn’t offer merit aid. We are paying for that and we’re fine with it. Because it’s better than all the other VA options and we can afford it.

Name of the school, please. Why not? It’s not like you’re outing yourself if it’s a big state school lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are obsessed about going to top schools because they myth that attending them leads to a significantly better life than other great alternatives (like good state schools) continues to be perpetuated. In reality, going to a top ivy or Stanford, Duke, MIT sounds nice at a social event, and that's about it. In the real world most people care about what skills and attitude you have.

The truth is, no one cares where you went to school, if you are successful. The parents who maybe are less bright are fixated on rankings and where their kids are going to school - -living vicariously through their kid, and it shows. Not everyone wants to attend UVA (or whatever school), and that is fine.

There is a poster who thinks that "why wouldn't anyone want to attend UVA?! You are crazy not to!!!" - in reality, many people have choices other than UVA, and that is a good thing. Not understanding why people would not want to go to UVA (or whatever school), and that people make different choices, is showing that you are not too bright, informed, or educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sent our kids to public schools in NOVA then to UVA. Saved thousands and thousands of dollars in tuition while the kids got a great education and attended a college that was plenty good enough for us to hold our heads up high at cocktail parties and other DMV social events - and to retire much earlier than the typical DCUM poster.

But hey, continue to argue about whether Northeastern or Emory or Tulane or etc is prestigious and worth the money. Y’all are crazy.

This is kind of a typical DCUM answer. Some useful perspective wrapped up in smug snarkiness designed to prop up a fragile ego. It certainly raises questions (written in the same smug, snarkiness to illustrate the point):

1. Who has "cocktail parties" anymore? Are you re-enacting Mad Men scenes in a mid-century version of Medieval Times?

2. When you're at these parties, why does anyone feel the need to talk about and, more importantly, "care" about where other people's kids went to college to the point of not "holding their heads up high" if they didn't make the "right" choice? Don't any of you have lives of your own separate from your children? Is everyone still talking about their kids' 8th grade Little League games or elementary school spelling bee victories?

3. Why would you brag about retiring early? Were you in a dead-end job? Why couldn't you find a job or career that held your interest for longer so you wouldn't need to use your children's colleges to bolster your faltering self-confidence as you age?

4. I agree that it's crazy to think about, much less argue about, whether someone else's kid's school choice is prestigious or worth the money. It's also crazy to argue about whether someone else's car, house, activity or summer camp for their kids, or family vacation is prestigious or worth the money. These are all just personal consumption choices, just like their kid's college or private school. They say nothing about anyone's parenting skills, intelligence, or status. There's no "right" or "wrong" answer as long as someone can make the payments for it.

In short, the answer to the OP is that this rankings obsession seems to be a DCUM, but probably DC Metro area generally, malady. Lots of striving, lots of poor self-confidence, lots of FOMO, and lots of pettiness.

+1

To add, lots of living vicariously through their kids (for parents who are disappointed in themselves).

Serious trolling going on today on DCUM!