Are there any downsides to marrying into a rich family?

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have at least that much from the sale of a business but are extremely miserly. They’ve made it clear it will be divided evenly when they die but other than that we are on our own, and always have been.

[Anonymous]

I disagree, sort of. Our net worth is about $20MM. We are extremely comfortable and want for nothing but I’m still careful with our money. My cousin is what I call rich. His net worth is low 9 figures. We fly business class, he owns a jet. We have a Mercedes, he has 3 plus a Rolls. See where this is going? There’s comfortable and then there’s rich. And, also, a PP said to expect to sign a prenup. That’s a definite in a rich family. Not so much in a comfortable family.

I am the PP you responded to. Just because you know someone with more money does not mean you aren’t rich, too. The lack of self-awareness here is mind-boggling.

Our net worth is similar to yours. My sibling has crazy money. We are both rich.

[Anonymous]

Having the family members constantly complain about the price of the coca colas at every restaurant meal that I attended.

Going to sporting events and sitting in the family premier block of 16 seats. The sad thing was that only 3 seats were filled by my boyfriend, me and his sister.
I was sad that 13 seats were empty that could have been given away to others.

[Anonymous]

Dated an ultra rich guy (a lot like crazy rich Asians except European). Houses in 5 different countries, family reunions were more like business meetings, regular contacts with politicians & celebrities. We started to talk marriage and his parents were going to gift us with a starter house on Park Ave. I expected a prenup, but what brought things to a screeching halt for me were two things: 1. I needed to give up my career which I really love in order to prioritize The Family, and 2. if we ever had kids and divorced he said he'd need to make sure they were no longer part of my life AND he couldn't understand why that was hurtful and terrifying. Probably Not All Rich People etc, but no thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family doesn’t have this level of wealth, but it wouldn’t surprise me if my parents have over $10 million in their estate. My siblings and I each have a few million if you include homes (they own, I do not), bank and retirement accounts ec. One sibling was married to someone who grew up with very little. They eventually divorced and now both siblings are married to people whose parents are also quite wealthy. By contrast, my husband grew up totally comfortable by most standards (upper middle class) but differently than us. I spent summers with my stay at home mom at our beach house taking lessons at the yacht club and tennis club. I want to private schools and my parents paid for college. He’d rarely flown and was on a Pell Grant in college (where we met). We’ve been together 25 years and have kids and yet I feel like my family (whom we rarely see these days) kind of manages to tolerate him. I don’t know that it would be different if he’d come from more money but I do wonder. All that said, it’s definitely easier to have money than to not, obviously.

People who are upper middle class don't get Pell grants!

[Anonymous]

I married into a family like this. Less than a year after marrying, DH got a job on the other side of the country and we moved to an area where neither of us knew anyone. It worked out really nicely - we saw family 3-4 times a year and had the space to forge our own path.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to The Firm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family doesn’t have this level of wealth, but it wouldn’t surprise me if my parents have over $10 million in their estate. My siblings and I each have a few million if you include homes (they own, I do not), bank and retirement accounts ec. One sibling was married to someone who grew up with very little. They eventually divorced and now both siblings are married to people whose parents are also quite wealthy. By contrast, my husband grew up totally comfortable by most standards (upper middle class) but differently than us. I spent summers with my stay at home mom at our beach house taking lessons at the yacht club and tennis club. I want to private schools and my parents paid for college. He’d rarely flown and was on a Pell Grant in college (where we met). We’ve been together 25 years and have kids and yet I feel like my family (whom we rarely see these days) kind of manages to tolerate him. I don’t know that it would be different if he’d come from more money but I do wonder. All that said, it’s definitely easier to have money than to not, obviously.

People who are upper middle class don't get Pell grants!

Sorry to digress from thread, but responding ti say that’s what I always thought (I’m the pp who wrote this) but he used to get upset when I suggested they were anything other than that and I didn’t really know. He always has expressed surprise that his family fell in the bottom 20% of income at our college (about how many received Pell grants). I was poking around. Today his mom’s job would pay about $150k (she still works) and his dad’s job would pay about $60k (he lost his job many years ago / ended up retiring early) and houses near them with the same number of bedrooms sell for about $250k. His parents were previously military / had their education paid for via the military and by the time DH went to college they were in their post-military careers. There were a few younger siblings at home, so I assume that played a factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dated an ultra rich guy (a lot like crazy rich Asians except European). Houses in 5 different countries, family reunions were more like business meetings, regular contacts with politicians & celebrities. We started to talk marriage and his parents were going to gift us with a starter house on Park Ave. I expected a prenup, but what brought things to a screeching halt for me were two things: 1. I needed to give up my career which I really love in order to prioritize The Family, and 2. if we ever had kids and divorced he said he'd need to make sure they were no longer part of my life AND he couldn't understand why that was hurtful and terrifying. Probably Not All Rich People etc, but no thank you.

good for you for dodging that bullet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

$25M for a family is comfortable but some would not call rich.

We have plenty of money, live a great life with two homes, fly business, etc. and I can't imagine anyone being so out of touch that they don't realize that $25 million is objectively rich. Wow.

I disagree, sort of. Our net worth is about $20MM. We are extremely comfortable and want for nothing but I’m still careful with our money. My cousin is what I call rich. His net worth is low 9 figures. We fly business class, he owns a jet. We have a Mercedes, he has 3 plus a Rolls. See where this is going? There’s comfortable and then there’s rich. And, also, a PP said to expect to sign a prenup. That’s a definite in a rich family. Not so much in a comfortable family.

More like there is “rich” and then “ultra rich”.

My son is getting married in 2 weeks. We're at $30M (from DH's career), we did ask my future DIL to sign a prenup and made clear our expectations. Mainly I want my son and grandkids to be within an hours drive of us and to see them a few times a month. I don't think that is too much to ask in exchange for the financial help that they will need in the DMV to setup their own lives.

LOL this is why making my own money and not needing my wealthy ILs’ money is so valuable. I’m happy to see my ILs several times a month, but sorry, no chance I’ll take dictating where I live or what I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

$25M for a family is comfortable but some would not call rich.

We have plenty of money, live a great life with two homes, fly business, etc. and I can't imagine anyone being so out of touch that they don't realize that $25 million is objectively rich. Wow.

I disagree, sort of. Our net worth is about $20MM. We are extremely comfortable and want for nothing but I’m still careful with our money. My cousin is what I call rich. His net worth is low 9 figures. We fly business class, he owns a jet. We have a Mercedes, he has 3 plus a Rolls. See where this is going? There’s comfortable and then there’s rich. And, also, a PP said to expect to sign a prenup. That’s a definite in a rich family. Not so much in a comfortable family.

More like there is “rich” and then “ultra rich”.

My son is getting married in 2 weeks. We're at $30M (from DH's career), we did ask my future DIL to sign a prenup and made clear our expectations. Mainly I want my son and grandkids to be within an hours drive of us and to see them a few times a month. I don't think that is too much to ask in exchange for the financial help that they will need in the DMV to setup their own lives.

Son has probably had the best education money can buy, jobs & internships through family connections…and yet still “needs” to kids up to mommy to “set up their own lives in the DMV. Okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I disagree, sort of. Our net worth is about $20MM. We are extremely comfortable and want for nothing but I’m still careful with our money. My cousin is what I call rich. His net worth is low 9 figures. We fly business class, he owns a jet. We have a Mercedes, he has 3 plus a Rolls. See where this is going? There’s comfortable and then there’s rich. And, also, a PP said to expect to sign a prenup. That’s a definite in a rich family. Not so much in a comfortable family.

I am the PP you responded to. Just because you know someone with more money does not mean you aren’t rich, too. The lack of self-awareness here is mind-boggling.

Our net worth is similar to yours. My sibling has crazy money. We are both rich.

PP from above. I’m not really disagreeing with you, I realize on the “rich scale” we are both very high. But I certainly don’t consider a $20MM net worth ultra rich. We didn’t even consider prenups when our children married. My kids are doing ok financially but they have no access to our assets other than what we gift annually. They need to work, we don’t.

[Anonymous]

I have to laugh that net worth $20M isn’t rich. Haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh that net worth $20M isn’t rich. Haha.

Depends when you have it. At 65 it’s not that much. At 35 it’s a ton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh that net worth $20M isn’t rich. Haha.

For one individual maybe. Split among a large family, not at all.