If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.

If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.

I have teens now and cannot stand when people say this. The stresses are completely different, and there is no reason to compare like this. And the difficulties of the different stresses depend in large part on the parents' personalities. So, yes, dealing with teens' sullenness, independence, exposure to sex and drugs, increased schoolwork and school pressures, school and extracurricular activities, etc. can be difficult, but some parents are totally ok with all that. Likewise with toddlers and all the loss of freedom for the parents, the constant motion and following them around, the irrational toddler angst, etc. But some people love that age.

DP.
Why, in the list of things that are difficult about having teens, does no one ever mention the cooking and laundry. I have three teen boys who play sports, and I have to make so much food and wash so many dirty clothes every day. It’s kind of unbelievable.

Are they able to help with these things? I have three little boys, so I’ll be in your spot soon and would love for them to help out with laundry and cooking but I don’t know how realistic my future plans are…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.

If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.

I have teens now and cannot stand when people say this. The stresses are completely different, and there is no reason to compare like this. And the difficulties of the different stresses depend in large part on the parents' personalities. So, yes, dealing with teens' sullenness, independence, exposure to sex and drugs, increased schoolwork and school pressures, school and extracurricular activities, etc. can be difficult, but some parents are totally ok with all that. Likewise with toddlers and all the loss of freedom for the parents, the constant motion and following them around, the irrational toddler angst, etc. But some people love that age.

DP.
Why, in the list of things that are difficult about having teens, does no one ever mention the cooking and laundry. I have three teen boys who play sports, and I have to make so much food and wash so many dirty clothes every day. It’s kind of unbelievable.

PP here, but I'm not sure laundry is more with teens than with babies/toddlers, and I would say that overall the cleaning is less now. Toddlers are chaos machines that make messes everywhere, and yet it is difficult to get them to clean up or really do any chore. Sure, you can start teaching them, but it is time consuming. With teens, you can have them help at least.

I hear you on the cooking, and more than that, the grocery shopping. The amount of food consumed is shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.

If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.

I have teens now and cannot stand when people say this. The stresses are completely different, and there is no reason to compare like this. And the difficulties of the different stresses depend in large part on the parents' personalities. So, yes, dealing with teens' sullenness, independence, exposure to sex and drugs, increased schoolwork and school pressures, school and extracurricular activities, etc. can be difficult, but some parents are totally ok with all that. Likewise with toddlers and all the loss of freedom for the parents, the constant motion and following them around, the irrational toddler angst, etc. But some people love that age.

DP.
Why, in the list of things that are difficult about having teens, does no one ever mention the cooking and laundry. I have three teen boys who play sports, and I have to make so much food and wash so many dirty clothes every day. It’s kind of unbelievable.

Are they able to help with these things? I have three little boys, so I’ll be in your spot soon and would love for them to help out with laundry and cooking but I don’t know how realistic my future plans are…

Having them help out with laundry is realistic, although my kids are terrible at folding clothes. Helping with cooking is not that realistic until they are older, unless it is stuff like making sandwiches, getting a snack out, etc., and my kids definitely do that. But they are not cooking dinner, for example, in any meaningful way. Maybe in a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 52 and married, this year I will be married for 30 years (yes, to the same person!). I am insanely happy and satisfied in my marriage and in my life.
I would never, ever trade places with anyone else.

HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course it was. We begin to become aware that we are growing old. We understand that our commitment has closed, is closing, and will close other doors to adventure. We stop pretending that we can have everything everywhere all at once. We are still completely in thrall to Our Expectations regarding our lived professional, social, and economic reality. I believe that 35 is a miserable age for many people, regardless of marital status.

40s are worse, that’s the bottom of the happiness curve

I am way happier in my 40s than 30s

I'm way more unhappy in my 40's than my 30's. The peak of the unhappiest curve is 47 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.

If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.

I have teens now and cannot stand when people say this. The stresses are completely different, and there is no reason to compare like this. And the difficulties of the different stresses depend in large part on the parents' personalities. So, yes, dealing with teens' sullenness, independence, exposure to sex and drugs, increased schoolwork and school pressures, school and extracurricular activities, etc. can be difficult, but some parents are totally ok with all that. Likewise with toddlers and all the loss of freedom for the parents, the constant motion and following them around, the irrational toddler angst, etc. But some people love that age.

DP.
Why, in the list of things that are difficult about having teens, does no one ever mention the cooking and laundry. I have three teen boys who play sports, and I have to make so much food and wash so many dirty clothes every day. It’s kind of unbelievable.

Are they able to help with these things? I have three little boys, so I’ll be in your spot soon and would love for them to help out with laundry and cooking but I don’t know how realistic my future plans are…

In theory, yes. They can help. They all know how to do their laundry and prepare a meal for the family. In reality, they don’t have the time. I want them to spend at least some time goofing off with their brothers and hanging out as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, love my life and wouldn’t trade it for living alone. My QoL increased enormously after finding my person and starting a life together!

Sorry. This sounds so fake, like something on a rescue dog site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 52 and married, this year I will be married for 30 years (yes, to the same person!). I am insanely happy and satisfied in my marriage and in my life.
I would never, ever trade places with anyone else.

HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE?
Not much at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course it was. We begin to become aware that we are growing old. We understand that our commitment has closed, is closing, and will close other doors to adventure. We stop pretending that we can have everything everywhere all at once. We are still completely in thrall to Our Expectations regarding our lived professional, social, and economic reality. I believe that 35 is a miserable age for many people, regardless of marital status.

40s are worse, that’s the bottom of the happiness curve

I am way happier in my 40s than 30s

When was the happiness curve research done? Is it valid in the DC area today when everyone has their first kid at 35ish? I have my doubts...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.

If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.

I have teens now and cannot stand when people say this. The stresses are completely different, and there is no reason to compare like this. And the difficulties of the different stresses depend in large part on the parents' personalities. So, yes, dealing with teens' sullenness, independence, exposure to sex and drugs, increased schoolwork and school pressures, school and extracurricular activities, etc. can be difficult, but some parents are totally ok with all that. Likewise with toddlers and all the loss of freedom for the parents, the constant motion and following them around, the irrational toddler angst, etc. But some people love that age.

Omg thank you for saying this. I would so much rather have a moody teen in my house than my tantruming 3yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.

If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.

But at least they are physically independent, not waking in the night, etc.