I have no interests outside of my children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

hey! i lay down with my kid and still watch TV, read books, and have interests.

PP, don't be so judgy. Some kids are also low sleep needs. My toddler falls asleep at 9:30pm (he only sleeps 9 hours at night) and I fall asleep at 10pm. There really is no time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 31 y/o and quickly starting to realize that I have no interests outside of my kids. Anytime I am with friends, I really have nothing to talk about besides my kids. Everyone else has discussions on TV series, etc., and I don’t watch any of that because I don’t really have the time. I don’t even know what I actually like! I then start to have major FOMO because I feel like I’m boring and am not a value add to my friend groups. Has anyone BTDT?

Sadly, your friends agree. Even people with children don't want to hear about other people's children just as you don't want to hear about their kids.

This is cruel. OP’s friends still obviously include her in gatherings and such, so must value her friendship to at least some degree.

Now, for a little more tough love talk…OP, there have been mothers throughout history who had their first kid even earlier than you and are/were intelligent people with diverse talents and interests. If what brings you joy is discussing your children and other children, there are women who enjoy the same. It might be good to look for “mom groups.” In my experience, women who sign up for those are often those who are happiest in conversations focused on kids. And that’s fine!

But if not, you have all the power to read a book on something that interests you. Or just ask a friend to see a movie occasionally.

Other people are simply not interested in any children but their own! Take this as gospel! Men do not talk about their children in the office and women bore business colleagues to death with their "cute" kid stories every day. The truth can be cruel.

[Anonymous]

Sad

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't really have interests outside of my kids/family life either. I don't think it's ideal but I don't think it's a big issue either. Are you mostly happy and just have a bit of FOMO? If you are unhappy, definitely try to find some things that interest you (exercise: go to the gym and/or join a yoga class? reading: book club? outdoorsy: join a hiking club or ask friends to meet you for a hike/at a nature center. history/culture: ask friends to go to a museum or cultural events with you or hire a babysitter and go with your husband. music/performing arts: ask friends to go to a concert w you or hire a babysitter and go see some live music or a performance with your husband or just get some streaming service subscriptions and start watching some movies you can discuss) This time period where you are devoting all your time outside work to the kids will not be forever. Once your youngest is in preschool and especially once they're in elementary, they can play independently sometimes, they'll have school and activities, they likely won't need you to lie down with them to fall asleep at night, they'll have their own friends and lives outside the home so you will be able to do more.

But really just ask friends to go do stuff with you or go out and do stuff on your own sometimes and let your husband stay with the kids or hire a babysitter and you and your husband can both go out sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. Truth is, the child rearing years are very encompassing. All my friends that have young children, pretty much disappear the first 10 or so years. Once the kids get older, the parents "re-emerge." It's just life, embrace it.

None of my friends are like that... I have eight-year-old twins, and my friends' kids are all basically within five years of them on either side. Between us we travel with girlfriends, play competitive sports (some at very high levels), are members of book/gardening/cooking clubs, read and watch TV, and 95% of us work.

Good for you? Personally I prefer my own life without all of those time-intensive commitments. When kids are young and you work a 9-5 there is limited time with them as it is. I would rather spend most of my available time with them. Not because I’m a martyr but because it genuinely makes me happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. Truth is, the child rearing years are very encompassing. All my friends that have young children, pretty much disappear the first 10 or so years. Once the kids get older, the parents "re-emerge." It's just life, embrace it.

None of my friends are like that... I have eight-year-old twins, and my friends' kids are all basically within five years of them on either side. Between us we travel with girlfriends, play competitive sports (some at very high levels), are members of book/gardening/cooking clubs, read and watch TV, and 95% of us work.

Good for you? Personally I prefer my own life without all of those time-intensive commitments. When kids are young and you work a 9-5 there is limited time with them as it is. I would rather spend most of my available time with them. Not because I’m a martyr but because it genuinely makes me happy.

+1 OP if you are unhappy it's good to change things up

But don't feel pressured to add yet another thing to your to-do list like "oh now I have to find time for TV" if you just don't really care to watch. I do watch TV but because I enjoy it as a way to wind down.

You have 3 kids including a baby AND a FT job. You are doing a lot!

I also find talking about parenting (not so much kids but the parent experience) more interesting than most things. I have a great job. And unlike stories about interpersonal things and also politicics etc. But other people's travel stories are boring, sorry. To each their own.