I have no interests outside of my children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? You need to make time for Ted Lasso!

I read for 15-20 min before bed. It's not a lot, but I like reading novels. I'm in a book club.

Take your family hiking, explore DC museums.

how did you find your book club?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

hey! i lay down with my kid and still watch TV, read books, and have interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.

OP- work out with your husband so that you each get one weekday night to yourselves and one weekend 1/2 day. you should be getting solo time and so should he.
this sounds like a relationship issue not parenting issue.
i lay down with my kid, so dont blame that. you'd likely have something else to do if it weren't laying down with the kid- getting ahead of laundry, scrubbing the kitchen, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were your interests before kids?

That’s another issue…I had my first child so young that I never really had a chance to be on my own or figure out what I liked, etc. My husband and I married young, had our first child young, so my entire adult life has been focused there.

That’s ok! Of course your children are your primary interest at this age. I didn’t watch tv or read much during that period. But I’d be sure you take hikes, ride bikes, skateboard, ski, drive to nearby beaches of season, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

This sounds to me more like a difference in life stages than an indication that you are a boring person, OP.

Imagine if you were at dinner with a bunch of other working moms. It would be all, "OMG, it's so hard to squeeze laundry in" and "OMG, my boss does not understand that a toilet is not a pumping station" and "OMG those SAHMs on the PTA make me feel like such a bad mom." But you can't share any of this with your friends because they don't have children.

As for interests, I'd just frame it more as self-care. You are important! What recharges your battery? Going out with girlfriends counts, BTW, so you're already doing a good job there. Do you want to read more, start walking in the mornings, etc.? You don't have much extra time or energy, but 10 minutes a day could help you feel more grounded and like a real person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 31 y/o and quickly starting to realize that I have no interests outside of my kids. Anytime I am with friends, I really have nothing to talk about besides my kids. Everyone else has discussions on TV series, etc., and I don’t watch any of that because I don’t really have the time. I don’t even know what I actually like! I then start to have major FOMO because I feel like I’m boring and am not a value add to my friend groups. Has anyone BTDT?

Sadly, your friends agree. Even people with children don't want to hear about other people's children just as you don't want to hear about their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.

OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.

You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 31 y/o and quickly starting to realize that I have no interests outside of my kids. Anytime I am with friends, I really have nothing to talk about besides my kids. Everyone else has discussions on TV series, etc., and I don’t watch any of that because I don’t really have the time. I don’t even know what I actually like! I then start to have major FOMO because I feel like I’m boring and am not a value add to my friend groups. Has anyone BTDT?

Sadly, your friends agree. Even people with children don't want to hear about other people's children just as you don't want to hear about their kids.

This is cruel. OP’s friends still obviously include her in gatherings and such, so must value her friendship to at least some degree.

Now, for a little more tough love talk…OP, there have been mothers throughout history who had their first kid even earlier than you and are/were intelligent people with diverse talents and interests. If what brings you joy is discussing your children and other children, there are women who enjoy the same. It might be good to look for “mom groups.” In my experience, women who sign up for those are often those who are happiest in conversations focused on kids. And that’s fine!

But if not, you have all the power to read a book on something that interests you. Or just ask a friend to see a movie occasionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.

OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.

You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.

Wow, so mean! Her youngest will be headed off to college (potentially) when she’s 48 and she’ll still be young enough to do everything she could possibly want! She has plenty of life ahead of her. Develop as an adult? I’d argue that raising 3 kids at 31 is a whole lot more adulting and responsibility than you had at that age.

[Anonymous]

If following a TV show is the only interest your friends have, they're pretty boring people.

What would you do if you were given 20 free hours every week to do whatever you wanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.

OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.

You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.

Wow, so mean! Her youngest will be headed off to college (potentially) when she’s 48 and she’ll still be young enough to do everything she could possibly want! She has plenty of life ahead of her. Develop as an adult? I’d argue that raising 3 kids at 31 is a whole lot more adulting and responsibility than you had at that age.

It’s not mean, it’s fact. And at 22 the human brain hadn’t even fully developed. She never took the time to see who she was as an adult! It’s not responsible to have a kid young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. Truth is, the child rearing years are very encompassing. All my friends that have young children, pretty much disappear the first 10 or so years. Once the kids get older, the parents "re-emerge." It's just life, embrace it.

None of my friends are like that... I have eight-year-old twins, and my friends' kids are all basically within five years of them on either side. Between us we travel with girlfriends, play competitive sports (some at very high levels), are members of book/gardening/cooking clubs, read and watch TV, and 95% of us work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.

1) Get your husband to tend to himself (I love my husband dearly and I will make efforts to do things for him, of course, but I would never say I "tend" to him
2) Get your husband to tend to your kids as well (I have an activity that has me out of the house for 4-5 hours 3-4 days a week, which isn't an issue because my husband is fully capable of taking care of the kids same way I am)

[Anonymous]

Think about what you like doing in your daily life. Do you enjoy cooking for family? If so, maybe pick up some new cookbooks. Do you enjoy walking places? If so, maybe start hiking with your kids, or going to a new park/trail each week. Do you enjoy taking photos of your kids? If so, maybe take a photography class.