Anybody raising a loser?

[Anonymous]

As a teacher in high school, many parents in this area are raising losers.

Teens have zero respect for anyone, even their friends. They're very selfish - more than I have seen in the past 15 years. They also mostly do not care about anything that isn't associated with their phones/social media accounts.

You may think your child is smart, but the fact is this: the curriculum we teach now is one of the easiest we've ever had. Also, it's not hard to get good grades when we're required by Admins to allow retests, late work, and 75% credit for test corrections.

I'll have my 30 years of service next year and will be retiring at 51. I can't wait to be done with the teens and parents in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher in high school, many parents in this area are raising losers.

Teens have zero respect for anyone, even their friends. They're very selfish - more than I have seen in the past 15 years. They also mostly do not care about anything that isn't associated with their phones/social media accounts.

You may think your child is smart, but the fact is this: the curriculum we teach now is one of the easiest we've ever had. Also, it's not hard to get good grades when we're required by Admins to allow retests, late work, and 75% credit for test corrections.

I'll have my 30 years of service next year and will be retiring at 51. I can't wait to be done with the teens and parents in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so, how do you deal? I have my own ideas about how to succeed and that success matters and kid has no ambition, no goals, is passive and takes no initiative to create anything or solve any problem. No amount of encouragement or modeling or pressure or support has changed this one iota. Still thinks life will magically work out.

I sincerely doubt this. I think she knows that her mom thinks she's a loser, so she's bound and determined to prove her right.

OP, I don't see any success worth considering your own child a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher in high school, many parents in this area are raising losers.

Teens have zero respect for anyone, even their friends. They're very selfish - more than I have seen in the past 15 years. They also mostly do not care about anything that isn't associated with their phones/social media accounts.

You may think your child is smart, but the fact is this: the curriculum we teach now is one of the easiest we've ever had. Also, it's not hard to get good grades when we're required by Admins to allow retests, late work, and 75% credit for test corrections.

I'll have my 30 years of service next year and will be retiring at 51. I can't wait to be done with the teens and parents in this area.

what is your advice? In your experience what can be done to change these behaviors?

[Anonymous]

What a horrible thing to say about anyone, particularly your own child.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of or severely limit screens, including the phone.

See if you can get him into something more along the lines of vo tech. A lot of boys, particularly, find HVAC or welding a lot more interesting than academics.

Some kids will shape up, others won't. Keep him away from pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too bad everyone jumped on your use of the word loser.

I'd like to hear actual advice.

- not OP

I’ll try. I’m raising a kid who isn’t interested in school and doesn’t care if he passes or fails. He’s not motivated or pushed by consequences and will dig in further. He hasn’t applied for any jobs and does minimal things around the house.

We constantly try not to engage him in power struggles that will make things worse. Sometimes we let him fail because we have no choice since we can’t make him do the work but it’s also a good lesson.

My husband and I get angry and we fight a lot since this causes a lot of stress even though we agree on most things. We are still saving for college and will help him with undergrad, even if he decides to go at 25.

We try to find anything he’s interested in and support him in that. Right now he occasionally brings up various vocational training or the military. We remind him he at least needs to get a GED and either of those would be good ideas.

Where's your line in the sand?

At what point do you plan on no longer enabling him to live off of you and your DH scotfree?

When he graduates high school he needs to enroll in college(community college is fine), vocational school, join the military or get a full time job. We have been clear that he can’t stay and do nothing. He hasn’t failed a class yet but squeaked by with some Ds. He will end up graduating since it’s less work than a GED. We have been very clear on our expectations.

Vocational Technology High School.

These used to be commonplace.

Why, oh WHY did educators in the US largely get rid of these high schools??

Was it the leftist crusade against “educational tracking??”

They still are plentiful. Most UMC parents are too embarrassed for their kids to go to one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too bad everyone jumped on your use of the word loser.

I'd like to hear actual advice.

- not OP

I’ll try. I’m raising a kid who isn’t interested in school and doesn’t care if he passes or fails. He’s not motivated or pushed by consequences and will dig in further. He hasn’t applied for any jobs and does minimal things around the house.

We constantly try not to engage him in power struggles that will make things worse. Sometimes we let him fail because we have no choice since we can’t make him do the work but it’s also a good lesson.

My husband and I get angry and we fight a lot since this causes a lot of stress even though we agree on most things. We are still saving for college and will help him with undergrad, even if he decides to go at 25.

We try to find anything he’s interested in and support him in that. Right now he occasionally brings up various vocational training or the military. We remind him he at least needs to get a GED and either of those would be good ideas.

Where's your line in the sand?

At what point do you plan on no longer enabling him to live off of you and your DH scotfree?

When he graduates high school he needs to enroll in college(community college is fine), vocational school, join the military or get a full time job. We have been clear that he can’t stay and do nothing. He hasn’t failed a class yet but squeaked by with some Ds. He will end up graduating since it’s less work than a GED. We have been very clear on our expectations.

Vocational Technology High School.

These used to be commonplace.

Why, oh WHY did educators in the US largely get rid of these high schools??

Was it the leftist crusade against “educational tracking??”

MCPS has a vo- tech school. I thought vo-techs were pretty prevalent. I know tons of kids who take that route. In fact it can be pretty competitive to get in.

Sounds like Baltimore city could use more VoTechs, because:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1112689.page

- doesn’t appear likely any of the kids in these 23 schools are headed for college.

And not going to college is OK! I wish more people would acknowledge college is not for every teen.

Who said those kids are going to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son, unfortunately, has a friend like this. They are on the same soccer team. According to his mom, soccer and video games are the only two things he does.

She's always holding her breath each school year at the very end to see if he'll pass or fail. He's so far skirted through and is now in the 11th grade. He has zero ambition according to her. He does the bare minimum and that's it. When they ground him and take away electronics, he sleeps. He does no chores and neither parent can make him do anything. Sad situation.

He's had 3 jobs and been fired at all 3 within weeks of starting due to his laziness and terrible personality.

This sounds like my little brother when he was alive. Turns out he had manic depression. If he loves soccer, help him become a coach. Start at the Y. Have him work at a video game store. And, get help before it is too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so, how do you deal? I have my own ideas about how to succeed and that success matters and kid has no ambition, no goals, is passive and takes no initiative to create anything or solve any problem. No amount of encouragement or modeling or pressure or support has changed this one iota. Still thinks life will magically work out.

Are they cute/hot/popular?

Things work out if you are social and hot

[Anonymous]

This is so mean to say about your own child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher in high school, many parents in this area are raising losers.

Teens have zero respect for anyone, even their friends. They're very selfish - more than I have seen in the past 15 years. They also mostly do not care about anything that isn't associated with their phones/social media accounts.

You may think your child is smart, but the fact is this: the curriculum we teach now is one of the easiest we've ever had. Also, it's not hard to get good grades when we're required by Admins to allow retests, late work, and 75% credit for test corrections.

I'll have my 30 years of service next year and will be retiring at 51. I can't wait to be done with the teens and parents in this area.

Yep - there are a lot of “successful” parents (certain a lot richer than I was growing up) that seem to have super subpar kids.

It’ll be interesting to see how that plays out.

I think war with China will be the catalyst that straightens our society up just like ww2 and Sputnik did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so, how do you deal? I have my own ideas about how to succeed and that success matters and kid has no ambition, no goals, is passive and takes no initiative to create anything or solve any problem. No amount of encouragement or modeling or pressure or support has changed this one iota. Still thinks life will magically work out.

Life did work out for me and I am doing better than many of the people with plans and ambitions and all that when we were in high school.

[Anonymous]

Way harsh, OP.

My parents raised a total "winner". I was an athlete, top student, got into great colleges, went to grad school. Then completely burnt out by 27, rebelled, and never recovered. Now I'm a "loser". Luckily my parents think I'm great anyway, but I think they have some regret over raising me to be so high achieving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for your kid

I don’t. It’s worse for the kids who are losers and their parents don’t care and don’t realize and just let them continue being losers with no guidance or accountability. A parent who recognizes their kid is a loser can help them be better.