Spending extra time with teen who doesn’t have a social life.

[Anonymous]

I'm just going to say, you're not alone. My 15 year old DD also has no social life. Since 7th grade, it's become clear that her "friend group" has excluded her more and more. It's painful to watch, but I can tell these are the cool girls and my girl is a little behind in maturity level. She's a sweet, kind beautiful girl. Plays a couple sports, we volunteer a lot together, and she really just needs A friend.

There have been a lot of great ideas on this thread. I'm going to try some too. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Just putting it out there - nothing wrong with your DD or any teen who is at home. I had plenty of friends at school but we were not the partying type so I still chose to spend most weekend evenings at home with my family. Pizza and movie every Friday night. Homework or babysitting ($$$!) on Saturday. I did not feel like a loser who needed to be pitied. Should I have? I have plenty of friends now too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 15 doesn’t really have a social life life now. I won’t get into all the reasons here. She has a few after school activities but still has a lot of down time each week with not much to do. I’m trying to spend more time with her on a regular basis to help fill the void a bit. I’m looking for suggestions of things to do with a 15yo girl. Things like Weekend trips and shopping sprees are great but can be done regularly because of cost. I’m looking for low cost or free activities. Also looking for some things to do at home since we won’t always be going out. Thanks.

I do the same with my kid, a 16 year old boy.

Hiking
Walking the dog. Sometimes he skateboards while I'm walking.
Day trips to the beach to surf. Gas is expensive, but there is no need for housing, and he has a surf board.
Join a gym? Planet fitness is $20 a month or so and you can bring a guest for free.
The Rec Centers have gyms, too, if you are in MoCo. Very low cost or free.
I arrange for him to hang out with a cousin who is 5 years old but a great influence. Do you have any extended family nearby?
Binge watch Stranger Things
Free museums
Biking in better weather

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 15 doesn’t really have a social life life now. I won’t get into all the reasons here. She has a few after school activities but still has a lot of down time each week with not much to do. I’m trying to spend more time with her on a regular basis to help fill the void a bit. I’m looking for suggestions of things to do with a 15yo girl. Things like Weekend trips and shopping sprees are great but can be done regularly because of cost. I’m looking for low cost or free activities. Also looking for some things to do at home since we won’t always be going out. Thanks.

I do the same with my kid, a 16 year old boy.

Hiking
Walking the dog. Sometimes he skateboards while I'm walking.
Day trips to the beach to surf. Gas is expensive, but there is no need for housing, and he has a surf board.
Join a gym? Planet fitness is $20 a month or so and you can bring a guest for free.
The Rec Centers have gyms, too, if you are in MoCo. Very low cost or free.
I arrange for him to hang out with a cousin who is 5 years old but a great influence. Do you have any extended family nearby?
Binge watch Stranger Things
Free museums
Biking in better weather

You have a skateboarding, surfing, biking son that doesn't have friends?
What is going on with kids?

[Anonymous]

Something crafty like knitting/crochet/sewing is fun to do together. Or maybe board games or Nintendo switch games which are 2-player games? Try Overcooked.

[Anonymous]

DD doesn’t have a major outside of school social life. Has quite a few friends at school and through activities but really doesn’t make plans unless pushed.
So far this weekend she

Had a dance class Friday evening
After that we hung out with family friends that had a same age teen as DD.

Today she worked on hw
We went on a family hike
We went out to lunch
She went with grandpa and dad to a college basketball game tonight.

I used to worry about her social life outside of school but I’ve come to terms with her being happy at school, engaged with friends in activities and social enough when given a push every so often by me (I try to space out my pushes so I don’t become a nag).

It’s funny though bc all weekend we’ve been seeing other teens hanging out with their parents.
Friday night our family friends teen had nothing going on till our last min plans came about
The hiking trail had teens hiking with their parents.
My husband sent a pic from the basketball game and in the background of the pic I saw at least 4 different teens sitting there with their parents on a sat night.

While I think it’s important for teens to get out of their comfort zone and socialize at a level that works for them, I also think it’s a real life skill for them to learn to be truly happy with their own company.

I will say I went through a period of adulthood where I felt kind of socially lost. I kept looking for the secret to what would make me feel like I was fitting in to all the groups of moms I saw around me. The best advice I ever got was to stop searching for friends and start spending my time doing what made me happy. The constant searching for friends made me come off desperate and my desire to fit into the group was unnatural and made me stand out even more.

Once I focused on hobbies and interests that I enjoyed and stopped worrying about making friends I found more friends than I ever could have imagined. People liked me and gravitated to me because I was interesting and confident. In worrying less about finding a “group” I found a bunch of really awesome loners (people who didn’t fit in with alot of the existing groups) like myself. We formed book clubs, theater groups, we played cards. It was crazy how much easier social things became once I stopped actively seeking friends.

I’m at that point with my teen now. She’s an awesome kid. Funny, kind, brave, lots of interests. If that doesn’t translate well to fitting in to 13 year old groups so be it. If she learns who she is and learns to love that person, friendships will eventually fall into place.