Small/late growing kids and athletics

[Anonymous]

OP, I also understand how you feel. One of my boys is a great athlete and loved sports from a young age. He is also barely on the growth charts. Before most boys hit puberty, his natural athleticism, hard work, and competitive mindset kept him competitive in multiple sports. However, starting in sixth grade, things went downhill. Because he loves sports so much, these years were brutal. He lost his confidence and became depressed, which impacted all areas of his life. I remember one day in middle school, he was playing basketball and could not get a shot off that wasn't blocked. After the game, he got in the car, curled up in a ball, and sobbed for about 30 minutes, repeating, "I just can't anymore." It was heartbreaking. He quit basketball shortly after that.

He also plays soccer, which had its ups and downs. After his freshman high school season, he wanted to be done with club soccer because he felt like his hard work wasn't getting him anywhere with his current club, where he was getting little playing time. He told his coach why he was leaving and found another, much less competitive team where he could play the entire game. The team was terrible, but at least he was playing.

Before I talk about his size, I should mention that DS goes to a small private high school, so he had more opportunities to play than he might have at a larger school. Still, despite his extremely small size and late puberty, he is a good player. He was good enough to make the varsity team his freshman year and to earn significant playing time off the bench. Unlike some of the stories about NBA athletes or how their 5'4 inch son is now a six-footer playing a D1 sport, my son's story is probably a more realistic inspiration. When I say he was small when he started high school, I'm talking small. As a freshman, my son was 4'9 and around 80 pounds. He hit so many roadblocks in multiple sports during the middle school years through freshman year that he was ready to give up sports altogether. He did try an individual sport for a few year, but he was late to start and didn't excel.

Fast forward to junior and senior years of high school - after quitting high-level club soccer and playing on a middling team, my son grew and finally started to hit puberty. He was a starter on his high school team junior year, playing every minute of every game. His senior year, he hit what is probably his full height (only about 5'6) and he still weighs 120 pounds. However, he has gotten strong enough now that his exceptional skill yields greater results on the field. He was a captain and was selected as the team MVP. Once he started feeling more powerful as he grew into his adult body, he became a more effective and confident player. A tiny player with a huge heart giving maximum effort might not always be recognized by awards, but he can boost his teammates and earn respect from coaches, teammates, and opponents, even with limited playing time. Over the years, I've watched the best and often biggest players on opposing teams (and coaches) come over to talk to my son and compliment his play. He learned to play bigger than his body, but it was a struggle. He had so many reasons to give up, starting with coaches who never gave him a chance, despite his good work ethic. With his personality, I think that keeping him in his old club team would have provided better training but would have led to him quitting the sport entirely.

If your small, late bloomer loves a sport, try to find a place they can play without becoming too discouraged. Exploring an individual sport is also a good idea. Encourage your son to be the absolute best player he can be in the body he has regardless of whether anyone else believes in him. That persistence will serve him better in life than any sports accolades. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I also understand how you feel. One of my boys is a great athlete and loved sports from a young age. He is also barely on the growth charts. Before most boys hit puberty, his natural athleticism, hard work, and competitive mindset kept him competitive in multiple sports. However, starting in sixth grade, things went downhill. Because he loves sports so much, these years were brutal. He lost his confidence and became depressed, which impacted all areas of his life. I remember one day in middle school, he was playing basketball and could not get a shot off that wasn't blocked. After the game, he got in the car, curled up in a ball, and sobbed for about 30 minutes, repeating, "I just can't anymore." It was heartbreaking. He quit basketball shortly after that.

He also plays soccer, which had its ups and downs. After his freshman high school season, he wanted to be done with club soccer because he felt like his hard work wasn't getting him anywhere with his current club, where he was getting little playing time. He told his coach why he was leaving and found another, much less competitive team where he could play the entire game. The team was terrible, but at least he was playing.

Before I talk about his size, I should mention that DS goes to a small private high school, so he had more opportunities to play than he might have at a larger school. Still, despite his extremely small size and late puberty, he is a good player. He was good enough to make the varsity team his freshman year and to earn significant playing time off the bench. Unlike some of the stories about NBA athletes or how their 5'4 inch son is now a six-footer playing a D1 sport, my son's story is probably a more realistic inspiration. When I say he was small when he started high school, I'm talking small. As a freshman, my son was 4'9 and around 80 pounds. He hit so many roadblocks in multiple sports during the middle school years through freshman year that he was ready to give up sports altogether. He did try an individual sport for a few year, but he was late to start and didn't excel.

Fast forward to junior and senior years of high school - after quitting high-level club soccer and playing on a middling team, my son grew and finally started to hit puberty. He was a starter on his high school team junior year, playing every minute of every game. His senior year, he hit what is probably his full height (only about 5'6) and he still weighs 120 pounds. However, he has gotten strong enough now that his exceptional skill yields greater results on the field. He was a captain and was selected as the team MVP. Once he started feeling more powerful as he grew into his adult body, he became a more effective and confident player. A tiny player with a huge heart giving maximum effort might not always be recognized by awards, but he can boost his teammates and earn respect from coaches, teammates, and opponents, even with limited playing time. Over the years, I've watched the best and often biggest players on opposing teams (and coaches) come over to talk to my son and compliment his play. He learned to play bigger than his body, but it was a struggle. He had so many reasons to give up, starting with coaches who never gave him a chance, despite his good work ethic. With his personality, I think that keeping him in his old club team would have provided better training but would have led to him quitting the sport entirely.

If your small, late bloomer loves a sport, try to find a place they can play without becoming too discouraged. Exploring an individual sport is also a good idea. Encourage your son to be the absolute best player he can be in the body he has regardless of whether anyone else believes in him. That persistence will serve him better in life than any sports accolades. Good luck.

Thank you so much for posting this, and for the other stories as well. My middle school son is going through this right now, and it is so hard to watch. This thread has been really helpful for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to provide a different perspective and maybe one that brings hope?

I have a 12 year old son who plays travel baseball with a mix of 7th and 8th graders. All but 2 kids are 13 already. My son is the 3rd tallest kid at 5’5” and the tallest kid is probably 5’7”. We have several kids who are 4’8” and most are probably 5’1” or 5’2”. Our team is good! You don’t have to be enormous to play. Our smaller size belies our fielding strength and our defense is what wins games.

My kid is going to open gyms for a team that will be 13u. There are multiple athletic 6 footers. Your kid sounds like that are just at the cusp of the age where enough boys have growth spurts for height to really matter

PP here. My kid is already on 13u and while I agree there are some teams for whom the height is clearly a major factor/“requirement,” I wouldn’t say we played any teams that had multiple 6 footers, including tournaments both local and out of town. But our team is AAA, not Metro-level so maybe that makes the difference. My point is, there are teams that field a more average sized roster so to make it sound like an average-sized kid won’t find a team isn’t accurate, in my opinion.

Just to be clear, I’m talking baseball, not basketball.

Open gyms are for basketball, not baseball.

The smaller, late growing kids can hang a year or two longer in baseball/soccer then basketball.

Ok, that’s fair. My initial post was talking about baseball so I wasn’t clear if PP (you?) was talking about baseball or basketball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I also understand how you feel. One of my boys is a great athlete and loved sports from a young age. He is also barely on the growth charts. Before most boys hit puberty, his natural athleticism, hard work, and competitive mindset kept him competitive in multiple sports. However, starting in sixth grade, things went downhill. Because he loves sports so much, these years were brutal. He lost his confidence and became depressed, which impacted all areas of his life. I remember one day in middle school, he was playing basketball and could not get a shot off that wasn't blocked. After the game, he got in the car, curled up in a ball, and sobbed for about 30 minutes, repeating, "I just can't anymore." It was heartbreaking. He quit basketball shortly after that.

He also plays soccer, which had its ups and downs. After his freshman high school season, he wanted to be done with club soccer because he felt like his hard work wasn't getting him anywhere with his current club, where he was getting little playing time. He told his coach why he was leaving and found another, much less competitive team where he could play the entire game. The team was terrible, but at least he was playing.

Before I talk about his size, I should mention that DS goes to a small private high school, so he had more opportunities to play than he might have at a larger school. Still, despite his extremely small size and late puberty, he is a good player. He was good enough to make the varsity team his freshman year and to earn significant playing time off the bench. Unlike some of the stories about NBA athletes or how their 5'4 inch son is now a six-footer playing a D1 sport, my son's story is probably a more realistic inspiration. When I say he was small when he started high school, I'm talking small. As a freshman, my son was 4'9 and around 80 pounds. He hit so many roadblocks in multiple sports during the middle school years through freshman year that he was ready to give up sports altogether. He did try an individual sport for a few year, but he was late to start and didn't excel.

Fast forward to junior and senior years of high school - after quitting high-level club soccer and playing on a middling team, my son grew and finally started to hit puberty. He was a starter on his high school team junior year, playing every minute of every game. His senior year, he hit what is probably his full height (only about 5'6) and he still weighs 120 pounds. However, he has gotten strong enough now that his exceptional skill yields greater results on the field. He was a captain and was selected as the team MVP. Once he started feeling more powerful as he grew into his adult body, he became a more effective and confident player. A tiny player with a huge heart giving maximum effort might not always be recognized by awards, but he can boost his teammates and earn respect from coaches, teammates, and opponents, even with limited playing time. Over the years, I've watched the best and often biggest players on opposing teams (and coaches) come over to talk to my son and compliment his play. He learned to play bigger than his body, but it was a struggle. He had so many reasons to give up, starting with coaches who never gave him a chance, despite his good work ethic. With his personality, I think that keeping him in his old club team would have provided better training but would have led to him quitting the sport entirely.

If your small, late bloomer loves a sport, try to find a place they can play without becoming too discouraged. Exploring an individual sport is also a good idea. Encourage your son to be the absolute best player he can be in the body he has regardless of whether anyone else believes in him. That persistence will serve him better in life than any sports accolades. Good luck.

I had a similar experience in both basketball and soccer with my son. I didn't want them to give up sports entirely for a temporary issue (though temporary really is 8th grade-sophomore year). I noticed this year with my 9th grader I'm providing much more encouragement to make him feel good which he's not getting from coach. I can see his skill and knowledge is far above a lot of the bigger players the coach favors--and we have a lot of college/pro players in our family line who were late growers. Now with so many more kids playing soccer it's more of a issue than it was way back then as there are so many early bloomers to choose from.

I think your son developed qualities that are really going to make him successful and help him in life. That drive, grit and not giving up are all going to pay back in dividends.

This entire thread breaks my heart for so many kids that give up something they absolutely loved because their bodies aren't on someone else's timetable. I wish coaches would be more sensitive to that fact. I'm not faulting them for picking players that will help them win (even how ugly the play may be) because that is how they keep their job at most of these big clubs and high schools, but I wish at least they wouldn't be so derogatory to a kid about his size which he has zero control over. Some have been just outright rude and psychologically damaging. You see in some female sports it leads to years of eating disorders and the same type of mental damage is being done to boys but it's not talked about.

[Anonymous]

I posted above about my tiny son, but for those who have struggling kids, especially soccer players, this video about USMNT player Brenden Aaronson is a must see if your kid hasn't watched it already:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7CRsRcpnIQ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted above about my tiny son, but for those who have struggling kids, especially soccer players, this video about USMNT player Brenden Aaronson is a must see if your kid hasn't watched it already:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7CRsRcpnIQ

I recommend the Netflix documentary on Antoine Griezmann too. I so related to the parents being so crushed watching him get rejected time and time and time again...so much that they were going to pull him out of the sport completely. As parents, it breaks your heart. I can't believe my older son still has a love for the game (now 17) after the path and the multiple disappointments that came with being a very late grower. I would have given up. There were so many times I felt like his parents that 'this is isn't healthy. this is too much for him to go through'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrestling. You compete against your own size and a great college team needs all the weight classes.

Cutting weight is so unhealthy. I love wrestling as a sport, and would be happy for my kid to do it if they could compete at their actual weight, but at least back in the day, that wouldn't be allowed.

I wrestled in HS and had to cut weight. I'm sure it still happens at the varsity level, but at the youth/MS level there is no cutting weight.

Heck, the kids end up wresting kids plus/minus 10-15 pounds of your kids weight just because its all about getting as many matches in on meet day as possible.

It's absolutely not a risk for a middle school kid. And for a freshman or sophomore, content to just be on JV, they won't have to worry about cutting weight either

The coaches say one thing to parents and a different thing to the wrestlers. You are fooling yourself if you think cutting weight isn’t encouraged in youth wrestling. No, they don’t have to make a certain weight class to wrestle but if they drop x pounds before weigh in they are told they will have an advantage. There can be some real eating disorders for these boys. By son had issues for years. I was glad when he stopped wrestling. It all depends on the coaches and the mentality of your kid. I never thought mine would be susceptible to that.

Okay, fair enough.

But that was one poorly coached program. I'm very involved in our area's youth program and their is no cutting weight.

Like with most sports, there are good programs with good coaches and bad programs with bad coaches. It's the duty of the parent to find the right one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I also understand how you feel. One of my boys is a great athlete and loved sports from a young age. He is also barely on the growth charts. Before most boys hit puberty, his natural athleticism, hard work, and competitive mindset kept him competitive in multiple sports. However, starting in sixth grade, things went downhill. Because he loves sports so much, these years were brutal. He lost his confidence and became depressed, which impacted all areas of his life. I remember one day in middle school, he was playing basketball and could not get a shot off that wasn't blocked. After the game, he got in the car, curled up in a ball, and sobbed for about 30 minutes, repeating, "I just can't anymore." It was heartbreaking. He quit basketball shortly after that.

He also plays soccer, which had its ups and downs. After his freshman high school season, he wanted to be done with club soccer because he felt like his hard work wasn't getting him anywhere with his current club, where he was getting little playing time. He told his coach why he was leaving and found another, much less competitive team where he could play the entire game. The team was terrible, but at least he was playing.

Before I talk about his size, I should mention that DS goes to a small private high school, so he had more opportunities to play than he might have at a larger school. Still, despite his extremely small size and late puberty, he is a good player. He was good enough to make the varsity team his freshman year and to earn significant playing time off the bench. Unlike some of the stories about NBA athletes or how their 5'4 inch son is now a six-footer playing a D1 sport, my son's story is probably a more realistic inspiration. When I say he was small when he started high school, I'm talking small. As a freshman, my son was 4'9 and around 80 pounds. He hit so many roadblocks in multiple sports during the middle school years through freshman year that he was ready to give up sports altogether. He did try an individual sport for a few year, but he was late to start and didn't excel.

Fast forward to junior and senior years of high school - after quitting high-level club soccer and playing on a middling team, my son grew and finally started to hit puberty. He was a starter on his high school team junior year, playing every minute of every game. His senior year, he hit what is probably his full height (only about 5'6) and he still weighs 120 pounds. However, he has gotten strong enough now that his exceptional skill yields greater results on the field. He was a captain and was selected as the team MVP. Once he started feeling more powerful as he grew into his adult body, he became a more effective and confident player. A tiny player with a huge heart giving maximum effort might not always be recognized by awards, but he can boost his teammates and earn respect from coaches, teammates, and opponents, even with limited playing time. Over the years, I've watched the best and often biggest players on opposing teams (and coaches) come over to talk to my son and compliment his play. He learned to play bigger than his body, but it was a struggle. He had so many reasons to give up, starting with coaches who never gave him a chance, despite his good work ethic. With his personality, I think that keeping him in his old club team would have provided better training but would have led to him quitting the sport entirely.

If your small, late bloomer loves a sport, try to find a place they can play without becoming too discouraged. Exploring an individual sport is also a good idea. Encourage your son to be the absolute best player he can be in the body he has regardless of whether anyone else believes in him. That persistence will serve him better in life than any sports accolades. Good luck.

Love this!

It mirrors my son's experience as being late to start growing and being the smallest in 7th, 8th, 9th grade. His first love was basketball, and that got to be a real challenge due to his size. Although like PP, he was in a small private high school and had the opportunity to play on his HS team. If it had been our public school, there was no question it wasn't happening.

Fortunately DS also played and enjoyed soccer. For a while, he was up against other boys who appeared to have shaved that morning and driven themselves to the game, even though they were 13. They were taller, faster, and were already well into developing an adult man's musculature. DS stuck with it and we found as time went on, that he developed true skills (and already had the tenacity) where many of the larger players were just relying on their size and not really developing as players. When size greatly evened out in 11th, 12th grade, DS was a step ahead.

I agree that the persistence and persevering will better serve OP's son in life, than being the star player. My DS is in college now, he's playing intramural sports, so nothing "big time", and still on the small size. But he has a a healthy confidence where he will really put himself out there, try new things, meet new people, and seeks out opportunities.

Good luck to your son, OP!

[Anonymous]

My son is also a late bloomer. Middle school was the hardest for him- most of his friends were deep into puberty in 7th grade and his voice just dropped early last summer at the end of freshman year.

My DH is tall (6'3") and I am average (5'6"), so for a while there I thought he mostly had my genes when it came to height.

He grew almost 8 inches in 25 months and is now taller then my husband and towers over most of his friends.

He's also a 3-sport athlete and struggled in 6th/7th/8th grades after running circles around kids when he was younger. It was better last year, but finally all seems to be coming together this year.

Puberty truly is the great equalizer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I also understand how you feel. One of my boys is a great athlete and loved sports from a young age. He is also barely on the growth charts. Before most boys hit puberty, his natural athleticism, hard work, and competitive mindset kept him competitive in multiple sports. However, starting in sixth grade, things went downhill. Because he loves sports so much, these years were brutal. He lost his confidence and became depressed, which impacted all areas of his life. I remember one day in middle school, he was playing basketball and could not get a shot off that wasn't blocked. After the game, he got in the car, curled up in a ball, and sobbed for about 30 minutes, repeating, "I just can't anymore." It was heartbreaking. He quit basketball shortly after that.

He also plays soccer, which had its ups and downs. After his freshman high school season, he wanted to be done with club soccer because he felt like his hard work wasn't getting him anywhere with his current club, where he was getting little playing time. He told his coach why he was leaving and found another, much less competitive team where he could play the entire game. The team was terrible, but at least he was playing.

Before I talk about his size, I should mention that DS goes to a small private high school, so he had more opportunities to play than he might have at a larger school. Still, despite his extremely small size and late puberty, he is a good player. He was good enough to make the varsity team his freshman year and to earn significant playing time off the bench. Unlike some of the stories about NBA athletes or how their 5'4 inch son is now a six-footer playing a D1 sport, my son's story is probably a more realistic inspiration. When I say he was small when he started high school, I'm talking small. As a freshman, my son was 4'9 and around 80 pounds. He hit so many roadblocks in multiple sports during the middle school years through freshman year that he was ready to give up sports altogether. He did try an individual sport for a few year, but he was late to start and didn't excel.

Fast forward to junior and senior years of high school - after quitting high-level club soccer and playing on a middling team, my son grew and finally started to hit puberty. He was a starter on his high school team junior year, playing every minute of every game. His senior year, he hit what is probably his full height (only about 5'6) and he still weighs 120 pounds. However, he has gotten strong enough now that his exceptional skill yields greater results on the field. He was a captain and was selected as the team MVP. Once he started feeling more powerful as he grew into his adult body, he became a more effective and confident player. A tiny player with a huge heart giving maximum effort might not always be recognized by awards, but he can boost his teammates and earn respect from coaches, teammates, and opponents, even with limited playing time. Over the years, I've watched the best and often biggest players on opposing teams (and coaches) come over to talk to my son and compliment his play. He learned to play bigger than his body, but it was a struggle. He had so many reasons to give up, starting with coaches who never gave him a chance, despite his good work ethic. With his personality, I think that keeping him in his old club team would have provided better training but would have led to him quitting the sport entirely.

If your small, late bloomer loves a sport, try to find a place they can play without becoming too discouraged. Exploring an individual sport is also a good idea. Encourage your son to be the absolute best player he can be in the body he has regardless of whether anyone else believes in him. That persistence will serve him better in life than any sports accolades. Good luck.

OK this almost made me teary. Thank you so much for articulating this so well. - OP

[Anonymous]

Just an FYI things aren’t always better on the other side. DS had his growth spurt early- 5-6th grade. He was so terribly in coordinated at the time. Many here are mentioning basketball, DS was always told to stand under the basket and the shorter, faster, more coordinated kids got much more ‘ball time’ in ES and MS.

Now in HS, he is just over the average height. But, he was abnormally tall in MS and it impacted him in negative ways as well.

[Anonymous]

My son is an early bloomer, so we haven't had this particular problem. Although he is young for his grade (8th grade), so even early bloomers look tiny compared to the kids who are a full year (or more!) older than him.

One of the things that we've seen really help his smaller teammates in baseball, however, is strength. The players who are very strong are some of the best on the team, size notwithstanding. So if you have a smaller kid, make sure they are getting strength training, lifting weights, etc. Speed training also doesn't hurt!

Finally, I echo the poster above who noted that the early bloomers often have difficulty harnessing their coordination after giant growth spurts. My kid really struggled with this.

TL;DR: It's always going to be hard for kids who aren't super-star athletes, puberty notwithstanding; but strength and speed can help overcome a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI things aren’t always better on the other side. DS had his growth spurt early- 5-6th grade. He was so terribly in coordinated at the time. Many here are mentioning basketball, DS was always told to stand under the basket and the shorter, faster, more coordinated kids got much more ‘ball time’ in ES and MS.

Now in HS, he is just over the average height. But, he was abnormally tall in MS and it impacted him in negative ways as well.

This was my early grower in basketball too. And at that age (5th/6th) the less well coached teams have no clue how to properly use "the big guy" yet. He did a lot of running and standing around. He is now in 7th and used to his body and height more (in my case my kid is pretty well above average in the end) and he's doing really well. But it was a rough 2 years and he almost quit playing. I think there is a rough patch for all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI things aren’t always better on the other side. DS had his growth spurt early- 5-6th grade. He was so terribly in coordinated at the time. Many here are mentioning basketball, DS was always told to stand under the basket and the shorter, faster, more coordinated kids got much more ‘ball time’ in ES and MS.

Now in HS, he is just over the average height. But, he was abnormally tall in MS and it impacted him in negative ways as well.

How tall was he in middle,school.

[Anonymous]

Can we keep this thread about later growers? Thank you!