What advice would you give your young adult child if they aspire to raise a large family (to have 4+

[Anonymous]

Similar to a PP, I'm one of 4, my husband is one of 4, and we have 4 kids (#2 and 3 are twins). I would love it if my kids would have large families. However, they're all grown, and so far no grandkids. Here's hoping.

BTW, my kids have 11 first cousins, all grown up, and only 2 of them have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would consider that I have failed as a parent if they wanted a large brood, got a pitbull, or got into debt to get a college degree .

But let’s assume that they ended up having triplets after having a single kid. Let’s also assume that they could not reduce the number of multiples due to medical reasons.

I think at that time I would suggest that they buy a large home, maybe a multi gen home with everyone pooling their resources. Outsource as much as possible. Childcare at home with a full time nanny. One parent sah, or with wfh hybrid. Live frugally after that. No luxury vacations. In state public colleges, public schools for k-12. Parents and grandparents prioritize health… of their own health, habits and exercise. Loads and loads of insurance. Second hand clothes and everything else.

You think a multi generational home and a full time nanny is necessary for four kids?

[Anonymous]

Don’t.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell them to spend time taking care of a large family as a way to test that theory.

I had a college friend who wanted a large family (7 or 8 kids, I think). I visited her once while she was doing weekend babysitting for a cousin's large family (maybe 6 kids?) I was there the whole afternoon and never figured out the kids names because they all looked alike and were all in perpetual motion. She gave up on the large family idea. She had 2 kids and freaked out a little when she had a third "surprise" baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) If they’re not asking for your advice, say nothing. MYOB.

2) There’s a reason you (generally) have them one at a time. High likelihood they end up choosing to have fewer kids than that (don’t say this to them! This is an FYI for you)

3) If they are asking for your advice, don’t ask at DCUM. There’s a real small family bias here. Even 3 kids is seen as an outlier. As is the case in high cost of living places among upper middle class professionals. That’s a demo that has 1-3 kids, not more. But there are plenty of people all over the country, and even here in the DC area, that have 4 or more kids. Those are the people to talk to about this. Not randos on DCUM. I’d be shocked if anyone who responded so far has 4 kids.

Small family bias, true, but rightfully so.

Kids take money lots of it. Kids need attention lots of it. When people have these large families mom isn't raising these kids the older siblings are.

Mom of four kids here: We have lots of money and none of my kids are raising each other. Just sayin.

[Anonymous]

There is a couple in my neighborhood with 8 (I think at this point 6 are still at home). The kids range from college grad to kindergarten. Dad travels a lot for work. They are all doing okay, I guess, but she is very hands off with the older kids (out of necessity, I imagine). By 5 they are exceedingly independent. No one is getting their shoes tied or their PB&J made if they are able to ask for it themselves.

Not necessarily better or worse, just reality. It makes me a little sad though. One of the younger ones comes over here when they need quiet (I have an only). I'm sure she feels sad for my kid who has no siblings though.

[Anonymous]

Move to Utah, Alabama, Mississippi, Wyoming, Missouri, Kansas or Arkansas. Just not socially or financially viable to have a large family around here.

[Anonymous]

The baby brings the bread

[Anonymous]

Not in this day and age. It is hell.
- mom of 4

[Anonymous]

I have 3, so I'm going to give advice until their 3rd kid. After that they can start a thread on here.