If your middle school child does not have a phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Kids without a phone often get left out. Don’t do that to your child. We have a lot of rules around when the phone can be used but not having one makes it so much harder socially.

This

My child has not experienced this at all. No phone, no problems. She has friends and a social life with no drama. She doesn’t even ask about a phone to be honest. Her friends don’t have one either though so I’m sure that helps. They email each other to make plans on weekends and then parents text to confirm if drops offs are needed

Well this is a first. I’ve yet to see any tweens or teens use email as their main form of communication. Where on earth do you live?

FWIW, my 6th grader asks all the time to "check his email" but he's really participating in a big google chat. He uses the term "email" interchangeably with other formats.

At this point he doesn't have a phone and it seems like some of his friends do, some don't. I still coordinate most of his social activities with his friends parents. He does interact with them online (plays games together while they're on discord or google chat), but so far that hasn't led to them making plans outside of the house. I'm looking forward to that shifting (to him making his own plans and actually leaving the house).

That sounds about right for 6th grade. 7th grade is where the big shift happened for us and having a phone became more important socially. Older tweens don’t use Google chat to communicate with each other.

It really depends on when middle school starts for your child. If you live in a K-6 elementary district, it will be more of a mixed bag in 6th and parents still involved. If you live in a district where middle school starts in 6, most kids by after Christmas break will have a phone and it does matter socially.

Good point. For us MS starts in 7th grade which is where the shift happened.

For those that think your kid doesn’t need a phone in MS and there are no consequences you are kidding yourself. I have one very social kid and other who is a homebody introvert. For my introverted kid, following kids on Snapchat and communicating on those apps is an important way for him to feel connected and know what’s going on at school. For my social kid it’s how they communicate and make plans.

Not getting your kid a phone doesn’t make it 1985 again. That’s like saying you aren’t going to use a computer at work and somehow think you’ll be successful.

You are obserd. My super social kids communicate just fine without phones. They have friends and social lives. You ate just rationalizing your own fomo and guilt fir giving your kids success to a tool that has been statistically proven to be harmful. Please do purchase a bape pen too. They need it to live in the modern era.

+1000

[Anonymous]

You are obserd. My super social kids communicate just fine without phones. They have friends and social lives. You ate just rationalizing your own fomo and guilt fir giving your kids success to a tool that has been statistically proven to be harmful. Please do purchase a bape pen too. They need it to live in the modern era.

Does it make them have amazingly bad spelling not to have a phone? Or is that just you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are obserd. My super social kids communicate just fine without phones. They have friends and social lives. You ate just rationalizing your own fomo and guilt fir giving your kids success to a tool that has been statistically proven to be harmful. Please do purchase a bape pen too. They need it to live in the modern era.

Does it make them have amazingly bad spelling not to have a phone? Or is that just you?

Typos aside, pp has valid points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids without a phone often get left out. Don’t do that to your child. We have a lot of rules around when the phone can be used but not having one makes it so much harder socially.

This

My child has not experienced this at all. No phone, no problems. She has friends and a social life with no drama. She doesn’t even ask about a phone to be honest. Her friends don’t have one either though so I’m sure that helps. They email each other to make plans on weekends and then parents text to confirm if drops offs are needed

Well this is a first. I’ve yet to see any tweens or teens use email as their main form of communication. Where on earth do you live?

FWIW, my 6th grader asks all the time to "check his email" but he's really participating in a big google chat. He uses the term "email" interchangeably with other formats.

At this point he doesn't have a phone and it seems like some of his friends do, some don't. I still coordinate most of his social activities with his friends parents. He does interact with them online (plays games together while they're on discord or google chat), but so far that hasn't led to them making plans outside of the house. I'm looking forward to that shifting (to him making his own plans and actually leaving the house).

That sounds about right for 6th grade. 7th grade is where the big shift happened for us and having a phone became more important socially. Older tweens don’t use Google chat to communicate with each other.

It really depends on when middle school starts for your child. If you live in a K-6 elementary district, it will be more of a mixed bag in 6th and parents still involved. If you live in a district where middle school starts in 6, most kids by after Christmas break will have a phone and it does matter socially.

Good point. For us MS starts in 7th grade which is where the shift happened.

For those that think your kid doesn’t need a phone in MS and there are no consequences you are kidding yourself. I have one very social kid and other who is a homebody introvert. For my introverted kid, following kids on Snapchat and communicating on those apps is an important way for him to feel connected and know what’s going on at school. For my social kid it’s how they communicate and make plans.

Not getting your kid a phone doesn’t make it 1985 again. That’s like saying you aren’t going to use a computer at work and somehow think you’ll be successful.

Some of us don't see those "consequences" as a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids without a phone often get left out. Don’t do that to your child. We have a lot of rules around when the phone can be used but not having one makes it so much harder socially.

This

My child has not experienced this at all. No phone, no problems. She has friends and a social life with no drama. She doesn’t even ask about a phone to be honest. Her friends don’t have one either though so I’m sure that helps. They email each other to make plans on weekends and then parents text to confirm if drops offs are needed

Well this is a first. I’ve yet to see any tweens or teens use email as their main form of communication. Where on earth do you live?

FWIW, my 6th grader asks all the time to "check his email" but he's really participating in a big google chat. He uses the term "email" interchangeably with other formats.

At this point he doesn't have a phone and it seems like some of his friends do, some don't. I still coordinate most of his social activities with his friends parents. He does interact with them online (plays games together while they're on discord or google chat), but so far that hasn't led to them making plans outside of the house. I'm looking forward to that shifting (to him making his own plans and actually leaving the house).

That sounds about right for 6th grade. 7th grade is where the big shift happened for us and having a phone became more important socially. Older tweens don’t use Google chat to communicate with each other.

It really depends on when middle school starts for your child. If you live in a K-6 elementary district, it will be more of a mixed bag in 6th and parents still involved. If you live in a district where middle school starts in 6, most kids by after Christmas break will have a phone and it does matter socially.

Good point. For us MS starts in 7th grade which is where the shift happened.

For those that think your kid doesn’t need a phone in MS and there are no consequences you are kidding yourself. I have one very social kid and other who is a homebody introvert. For my introverted kid, following kids on Snapchat and communicating on those apps is an important way for him to feel connected and know what’s going on at school. For my social kid it’s how they communicate and make plans.

Not getting your kid a phone doesn’t make it 1985 again. That’s like saying you aren’t going to use a computer at work and somehow think you’ll be successful.

Some of us don't see those "consequences" as a bad thing.

Most kids in MS have a phone. It’s not a requirement. If you choose not too then cool. I don’t think anybody really cares what you do with your kid.

[Anonymous]

I think this is probably really dependent on the school and social group, but I do think there are costs, socially.

I made the decision not to give my son a phone until 8th grade, and then only a flip phone that calls and texts and nothing else. He's not totally isolated socially, but he is isolated. Mots kids don't have home phones. Many kids make plans via group texts for ios. Because he doesn't have a phone, he started using discord more (which started during the pandemic as a way for certain clubs and even classes to communicate). I don't think that discord is much better, really -- the vibe on discord is more that kids stay on it longer and play games, socialize there on discord. Whereas I think with phones, kids send group texts about something they are planning to do (meet up at Chipotle, or go see the new Marvel movie, or whatever). (The social media like insta is separate from the phone issue, I think -- my youngest has an iphone now in 6th grade but she has no social media apps on it.)

Anyway, unless you are living in Amish country, banning the phone does not get them off the electronics --- it just pushes them to other options. Is texting on their ipad better? Is discord better? They can do tiktok from their ipad too, and can definitely view tiktok from their computers. I don't think there are easy answers for any of this and the parents that say "oh, it's easy, just don't allow it" are probably kidding themselves.

I think a lot depends on your kid and their level of self-control, and their friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids without a phone often get left out. Don’t do that to your child. We have a lot of rules around when the phone can be used but not having one makes it so much harder socially.

This

My child has not experienced this at all. No phone, no problems. She has friends and a social life with no drama. She doesn’t even ask about a phone to be honest. Her friends don’t have one either though so I’m sure that helps. They email each other to make plans on weekends and then parents text to confirm if drops offs are needed

Well this is a first. I’ve yet to see any tweens or teens use email as their main form of communication. Where on earth do you live?

Yeah, I have a GS troop and I keep trying to get the girls to check email because I'd rather not be texting them, but it's not very successful. I found that my HS-er (junior in HS) does check email because she's essentially in work mode -- she has important info coming through email about standardized tests, scholarships, activities she's planning for a school club, summer job, etc. But the kids under 16 or so don't seem to use email, once the novelty wears off after about age 9.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old messages with her ipad. Works fine.

[Anonymous]

Some of us don't see those "consequences" as a bad thing.


Most kids in MS have a phone. It’s not a requirement. If you choose not too then cool. I don’t think anybody really cares what you do with your kid.

Exactly. No one does. Personally, I have three kids and do not want to or have the capacity to be involved in when my older one meets up with friends on a weekend, or adjusting those plans, through someone else's mom. But if someone else things that the benefits or not having a phone outweigh that inconvenience, more power to them.