MIL lost FIL money for retirement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did MIL spend FIL's money? It's their money. He likely benefitted from what she spent money on. Just tell them no when they come with their hands out but putting this all on MIL is ridiculous. And you are, stop trying to deny it. FIL knew what was going on. Things didn't just magically appear in the house .

He probably suggested she get a job, and she refused. At least he worked to try to pay some of the bills. What did MIL do? Nothing. Ask her child to pay.

So? Are you saying he's a victim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did MIL spend FIL's money? It's their money. He likely benefitted from what she spent money on. Just tell them no when they come with their hands out but putting this all on MIL is ridiculous. And you are, stop trying to deny it. FIL knew what was going on. Things didn't just magically appear in the house .

He probably suggested she get a job, and she refused. At least he worked to try to pay some of the bills. What did MIL do? Nothing. Ask her child to pay.

Op here. Thank you. This is actually exactly what happened. Many people are saying I blame her only when I said I blame both. I do see her in the wrong more. I don’t care. So yes they’re right about that. I do see it as both of their money though. And MiL is the one who expects money not FIL so of course I’m going to be more annoyed with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did MIL spend FIL's money? It's their money. He likely benefitted from what she spent money on. Just tell them no when they come with their hands out but putting this all on MIL is ridiculous. And you are, stop trying to deny it. FIL knew what was going on. Things didn't just magically appear in the house .

He probably suggested she get a job, and she refused. At least he worked to try to pay some of the bills. What did MIL do? Nothing. Ask her child to pay.

So? Are you saying he's a victim?

Op here. I don’t think PP is saying he’s a victim. I think my FIL is an enabler. PP is right about my MIL refusing to get a job. I didn’t include that but since PP brought it up, I want to acknowledge that he/she is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5k for 2 healthy people is easy.

But it's not going to pay for nursing care, so what they'll do is deplete their savings until they go to a Medicare facility.

I posted the above. OP, just put your foot down and say that you won't help them. They have enough. And right now, they truly do. When they get decrepit and need cleaners/cooks/nurse visits/aides, that's when the family will have hard decisions to make about possibly helping them pay for aides to come to their house, to stave off nursing homes. It will depend on what ails them and what sort of help you can hire. Nursing homes can be 10K a month (!), so you need to tell them Medicare might be the only option here. Your first priority should be your own retirement and your children's college costs. Right now I'm looking at $30 to 82K colleges for my rising senior ($30K for meh in-state option and $70K for his preferred reach college). Just throwing numbers out there so you can wrap your head around your own finances.

I also agree with the others that it's not cool to dump on your MIL just because of the "doesn't work/spent a lot" combo. Your FIL has agency too and he chose not to use it.

They have two adult daughters that still live with them, so if they need help at home in the immediate future, the daughters can probably provide care. If they’re not helping their parents out, DH’s adult sisters should be paying rent to their parents. Your DH should not be financially supporting any of them right now.

You or your DH can help them find community resources for seniors, like lower cost housing and bankruptcy assistance, but save your money for a time they might really need a helping hand. Now is not that time.

Check with the Office on Aging in your parents’ community. aarp.org is also a good source of information for seniors.

You may want to post again in the Midlife forum.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you blaming only one person? It’s not as if he didn’t know what wes going on.

I blame them both. But more her because she never worked so I would think she would at least know her financial status. I don’t know why she keeps spending so much.

My husband blames his dad for not keeping an eye on things himself.

Sounds like you resent her because she was a SAHM and you can't afford that with the money your husband makes.

Troll bait hoping for a reaction. Move along and act like they’re not here.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty easy on DCUM to spin your current MIL story in such a way that a bunch of people will jump in and agree with you because the DILs of DCUM have a pretty rough time getting along with their inlaws.

[Anonymous]

Make sure siblings know you told parents that you will not be subsidizing them now or in the future as everyone is responsible for themselves. That will set the stage for no if they ever ask or expect financial help from you.

[Anonymous]

How will they have 5k a month? Is that reflecting a 4% withdrawal rate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How will they have 5k a month? Is that reflecting a 4% withdrawal rate?

It's certainly not from MIL's dismal SS award. Likey FIL has some sort of pension and an OK SS. Doubtful it's due to any sort of careful savings or investments when they've had to sell their house due to MIL's profligate spending (that FIL was aware of and kept enabling)