MIL lost FIL money for retirement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$5k a month is more than I make in a month.

That’s why I’m perplexed why she needs more. She imagined more for retirement and blames my FIL but doesn’t realize she caused it.

[Anonymous]

This is really between them. Idk what you could do to help your FIL unless he has cognitive decline such that you could seek power of attorney. If they continue to spend beyond their means, they’ll have to deal with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you blaming only one person? It’s not as if he didn’t know what wes going on.

I blame them both. But more her because she never worked so I would think she would at least know her financial status. I don’t know why she keeps spending so much.

My husband blames his dad for not keeping an eye on things himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so funny that you hold the MIL completely responsible for the straits they are in but give the FIL a pass. Really sexist of you. Did the MIL hide the bills from the FIL for all these years? Did the FIL spend nothing? It takes two to tango.

I hold them both responsible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really between them. Idk what you could do to help your FIL unless he has cognitive decline such that you could seek power of attorney. If they continue to spend beyond their means, they’ll have to deal with the consequences.

No cognitive decline. She just doesn’t listen to him to stop spending so much.

[Anonymous]

This is really a family problem. FIL needs to get rid of all credit and they need to pay cash. They need to save monthly for taxes and insurance and spend only what’s left. $5k is easily doable but will be far from the life they had expected I am sure.

What is this wrench of adult kids who are still dependent? In what way? I have a special needs kid who lives with us but has a job to pay his own expenses. He costs me minimal for food and I could actually make him pay that. That kind of dependence or your ILs pay their rent and send them living expenses? The latter is not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

I would do nothing. Not my monkeys mot my circus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really a family problem. FIL needs to get rid of all credit and they need to pay cash. They need to save monthly for taxes and insurance and spend only what’s left. $5k is easily doable but will be far from the life they had expected I am sure.

What is this wrench of adult kids who are still dependent? In what way? I have a special needs kid who lives with us but has a job to pay his own expenses. He costs me minimal for food and I could actually make him pay that. That kind of dependence or your ILs pay their rent and send them living expenses? The latter is not sustainable.

They have twin daughters (in their 20s) who make close to minimum wage and at the end of month need help to pay their bills for the month such as car insurance, phone bills, etc

They aren’t special needs but do little jobs here and there

[Anonymous]

They should declare bankruptcy. Your DH has to make it crystal clear to his mother that you and he will not be finding their retirement. Your DH should tell her straight to her face that she has to stop spending and become an adult. Does your DH have any siblings who can join the discussion and present a united front?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing. Not my monkeys mot my circus.

At first I felt bad for FIL, but realizing now things won’t change if we helped. We just have to let MIL know we can’t, and she shouldn’t expect us to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you blaming only one person? It’s not as if he didn’t know what wes going on.

I blame them both. But more her because she never worked so I would think she would at least know her financial status. I don’t know why she keeps spending so much.

My husband blames his dad for not keeping an eye on things himself.

Sounds like you resent her because she was a SAHM and you can't afford that with the money your husband makes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing. Not my monkeys mot my circus.

I'd be real careful comparing humans to monkeys if I were you. It's racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They should declare bankruptcy. Your DH has to make it crystal clear to his mother that you and he will not be finding their retirement. Your DH should tell her straight to her face that she has to stop spending and become an adult. Does your DH have any siblings who can join the discussion and present a united front?

Me again. I see there are siblings who are on their way to being financially useless. Your DH should sit down with those siblings and discuss the dire circumstances of their parents’ massive debt and unrealistic financial expectations. He should also encourage them to develop financial independence by working at better jobs. Do they have college degrees, or what’s their plan? Do they also expect your DH to help them out financially?

[Anonymous]

Would they qualify for subsidized housing? I would help with paperwork. I am sorry this is such a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you blaming only one person? It’s not as if he didn’t know what wes going on.

I blame them both. But more her because she never worked so I would think she would at least know her financial status. I don’t know why she keeps spending so much.

My husband blames his dad for not keeping an eye on things himself.

Sounds like you resent her because she was a SAHM and you can't afford that with the money your husband makes.

Op here. Very big leap about me. I don’t resent her at all. I’m actually going to stay home after I deliver my baby and my husband makes more than enough thank you.
In a way I think my husband actually resents her because he had to pay for his college and she had the opportunity to save for it and didn’t. That’s the only resentment I can think of.