Sundays aren’t fun or relaxing anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your nanny handle the kids' dinners. She can feed them early, then you can have a nice relaxing evening with them. You and DH can either skip dinner or eat leftovers, a light meal (cheese/crackers/crudites) or skip dinner entirely. That's what we did when our kids were those ages and it was well worth the "sacrifice" of not sitting down for dinner with them on the weekdays. The time we had with them was of much higher quality.

All the experts say the family dinner is very important. I would jump at your idea in a hot New York minute if I thought it was okay.

You asked how to make it easier, and we’re telling you how. Easier sometimes means less than perfect parenting. Or maybe you could have the nanny feed them 3 days of the week, and you eat with them on the other days.

NP here. Also, it’s not the act of eating that is important, but that you spend daily time together. This can be dinner. But it can also be breakfast. Or an evening family walk. Or whatever, you get the point.

DH and I have 3 young kids. We eat as a family usually 3 nights per week and then breakfast, lunch, and one or both dinners on the weekend. We also feed the kids easy food and put them to bed a bit early a few nights so DH and I can eat alone and have adult conversation and food our kids likely wouldn’t eat (such as taking out sushi). There’s no need to fit some family sitcom ideal of the whole family gathered at the table for every single dinner hour. Now that our oldest is in sports we sometimes entirely divide up meals with DH and our oldest eating together and me eating with the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your nanny handle the kids' dinners. She can feed them early, then you can have a nice relaxing evening with them. You and DH can either skip dinner or eat leftovers, a light meal (cheese/crackers/crudites) or skip dinner entirely. That's what we did when our kids were those ages and it was well worth the "sacrifice" of not sitting down for dinner with them on the weekdays. The time we had with them was of much higher quality.

All the experts say the family dinner is very important. I would jump at your idea in a hot New York minute if I thought it was okay.

Missing 4-5 dinners together per week will not derail otherwise good parenting. I am the PP, and believe me when I tell you that when DH and I arrived home by 5:30 and our kids had eaten dinner and bathed/showered, the quality of the time we spent with them was much higher than if we had rushed home, cooked dinner, rushed them through it, etc. Instead of all that, we had time to take walks, play board games, sit on the floor and play with them/read books. Talk. Snuggle. Think about how much more time you would have if you didn't. have to cook and serve a meal. How much less stressed you would be during your time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written your post, OP. I am in the middle of preparing dinners for this coming week too. It sucks. I used to love cooking, too.

While the suggestions given are good, I have two issues: first, we’re vegetarian and vegetarian food isn’t that easy. Second, we have limited freezer space and no room to put a deep freezer in our city condo! I could add a third which is that my young kids are still picky eaters.

I do dread Sundays now but am so happy when I come home from work and just pop a dish in the oven while my toddler and I make a salad while I’m wearing my baby. We sit down to eat while everyone is still in a good mood and DH does clean up so I can nurse and read to my kids in peace.

+1. Being a healthy vegetarian and keeping kids healthy is a lot more work. Canned baked beans and hot dogs don’t cut it.

Are you making Sunday dinner, too? That one I’d cut out. On Sundays we make omelettes.

Some of the best meal kit meals I’ve made have been all vegetarian. Try Marley Spoon and Hello Fresh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the people saying single moms have it easy must have useless husbands. Or their own standards are so low that they would feed their kids hot dogs every night of their husband wasn’t around to notice.

I’m the PP with the deployed spouse. I didn’t say it was easy being a single mom. I said it was easier in many ways though. DH is absolutely an equal partner but it’s not needing to tend to another relationship that frees up a lot of time. And we always eat good food but I’m far less picky than he is. Lots of nights when he was deployed, the kids and I would have avocado and scrambled eggs or something premade from Trader Joe’s.

But yes, my cleaning standards are and we’re lax! DH is the cleaner - not me.

Single moms date you know. They too are cultivating relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the people saying single moms have it easy must have useless husbands. Or their own standards are so low that they would feed their kids hot dogs every night of their husband wasn’t around to notice.

I’m the PP with the deployed spouse. I didn’t say it was easy being a single mom. I said it was easier in many ways though. DH is absolutely an equal partner but it’s not needing to tend to another relationship that frees up a lot of time. And we always eat good food but I’m far less picky than he is. Lots of nights when he was deployed, the kids and I would have avocado and scrambled eggs or something premade from Trader Joe’s.

But yes, my cleaning standards are and we’re lax! DH is the cleaner - not me.

Single moms date you know. They too are cultivating relationships.

Yes but they generally aren’t cultivating a relationship while bathing a child or trying to get the kid to eat.

[Anonymous]

There’s no easy answer OP, but I’ve never done the cook on the weekend thing. I need my weekends.

When my kids were that age I’d have nanny prep the vegetables (wash and cut) during nap. It takes maybe 15 min max. Then I’d stir fry those and do a very simple protein. Like think baked salmon, steamed chicken or tofu with simple sauce, stirfry made from the precut beef. Simple. Make soup from a huge chicken (literally just chicken with an onion cut in half and some carrots), serve as chicken noodle soup one night using frozen peas and other vegetables and as shredded chicken on noodles with broccoli and olive oil another night. With Instapot rice or pasta, dinner was in the table in ~20 minutes max. My H also cooks. We save more elaborate cooking for weekends and holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your nanny handle the kids' dinners. She can feed them early, then you can have a nice relaxing evening with them. You and DH can either skip dinner or eat leftovers, a light meal (cheese/crackers/crudites) or skip dinner entirely. That's what we did when our kids were those ages and it was well worth the "sacrifice" of not sitting down for dinner with them on the weekdays. The time we had with them was of much higher quality.

All the experts say the family dinner is very important. I would jump at your idea in a hot New York minute if I thought it was okay.

It’s the time that’s important. My 5 year old was losing it, so we went and did a puzzle together. Came back an hour later all regulated, dad made her scrambled eggs and fruit. I chatted with her while I started washing up.

A lot of expert suggestions are not always realistic.

[Anonymous]

Order groceries.

And don’t go to the farmers market unless that is an enjoyable experience for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I shudder to think what old meat on Wednesday, Thursday tastes like. I can't even eat 1 day old chicken 😩

You DCUM pearl clutchers. How do you survive in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your nanny handle the kids' dinners. She can feed them early, then you can have a nice relaxing evening with them. You and DH can either skip dinner or eat leftovers, a light meal (cheese/crackers/crudites) or skip dinner entirely. That's what we did when our kids were those ages and it was well worth the "sacrifice" of not sitting down for dinner with them on the weekdays. The time we had with them was of much higher quality.

All the experts say the family dinner is very important. I would jump at your idea in a hot New York minute if I thought it was okay.

Missing 4-5 dinners together per week will not derail otherwise good parenting. I am the PP, and believe me when I tell you that when DH and I arrived home by 5:30 and our kids had eaten dinner and bathed/showered, the quality of the time we spent with them was much higher than if we had rushed home, cooked dinner, rushed them through it, etc. Instead of all that, we had time to take walks, play board games, sit on the floor and play with them/read books. Talk. Snuggle. Think about how much more time you would have if you didn't. have to cook and serve a meal. How much less stressed you would be during your time with them.

DP. I agree it’s a trade off and you don’t want to be stressed. However teaching our kids about food and eating together was important to us. At that age we flexed our schedules, came home at 4, 4:30 and worked after the kids were in bed (by 7). Our kids are not picky eaters. Probably partly born that way, maybe partly because we were consistent in not serving kid foods and trying new things together often. Just to say that different families have different priorities, and there may be a payoff for OP’s emphasis on family dinner even if it’s not one you yourself would choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread feels like a SNL skit. I’m a single mother and do all of that by myself. And I also find time to just unwind with a glass of wine and a movie.

It’s easier being a single mother, PP. Honestly. Your idea of cleaning standards and nutritional standards are your own. You have no other equal adult to compromise with. I could eat and serve scrambled eggs for dinner but DH needs a full balanced, vegetarian meal. I could live with crumbs on the floor but DH has to vacuum daily. There are a million things that I would let slide without DH.

+1. This really is true. Without the commitment of marriage and another relationship to tend to, I would have a lot more time!

+2. Thank you! I am so sick of the single mother whine. Being married and in a healthy relationship takes work, planning, and commitment. I could eat cold cereal for dinner and be happy with the quiet after the kids are in bed.

+3.

So eat cereal for dinner and tell your husband he can make his own if he wants more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the people saying single moms have it easy must have useless husbands. Or their own standards are so low that they would feed their kids hot dogs every night of their husband wasn’t around to notice.

I’m the PP with the deployed spouse. I didn’t say it was easy being a single mom. I said it was easier in many ways though. DH is absolutely an equal partner but it’s not needing to tend to another relationship that frees up a lot of time. And we always eat good food but I’m far less picky than he is. Lots of nights when he was deployed, the kids and I would have avocado and scrambled eggs or something premade from Trader Joe’s.

But yes, my cleaning standards are and we’re lax! DH is the cleaner - not me.

Single moms date you know. They too are cultivating relationships.

Yes but they generally aren’t cultivating a relationship while bathing a child or trying to get the kid to eat.

A married couple isn’t tending to their relationship while bathing a child either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the people saying single moms have it easy must have useless husbands. Or their own standards are so low that they would feed their kids hot dogs every night of their husband wasn’t around to notice.

I’m the PP with the deployed spouse. I didn’t say it was easy being a single mom. I said it was easier in many ways though. DH is absolutely an equal partner but it’s not needing to tend to another relationship that frees up a lot of time. And we always eat good food but I’m far less picky than he is. Lots of nights when he was deployed, the kids and I would have avocado and scrambled eggs or something premade from Trader Joe’s.

But yes, my cleaning standards are and we’re lax! DH is the cleaner - not me.

Single moms date you know. They too are cultivating relationships.

Yes but they generally aren’t cultivating a relationship while bathing a child or trying to get the kid to eat.

A married couple isn’t tending to their relationship while bathing a child either.

Really? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done exactly that! NP

[Anonymous]

Get groceries delivered. We get some premade meals from Costco or wegmans. We cook during the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread feels like a SNL skit. I’m a single mother and do all of that by myself. And I also find time to just unwind with a glass of wine and a movie.

It’s easier being a single mother, PP. Honestly. Your idea of cleaning standards and nutritional standards are your own. You have no other equal adult to compromise with. I could eat and serve scrambled eggs for dinner but DH needs a full balanced, vegetarian meal. I could live with crumbs on the floor but DH has to vacuum daily. There are a million things that I would let slide without DH.

+1. This really is true. Without the commitment of marriage and another relationship to tend to, I would have a lot more time!

+2. Thank you! I am so sick of the single mother whine. Being married and in a healthy relationship takes work, planning, and commitment. I could eat cold cereal for dinner and be happy with the quiet after the kids are in bed.

Jerk post. Imagine having zero breaks from childcare and being able to outsource nothing.

Thank you! I’m a single mother of a 14 mo old and it’s tough. It would be a dream to have someone prep my kids weekday meals and snacks! To have someone take the kid out for a bit do I could cook. I haven’t really gotten the hang of cooking something I loved doing pre kid (I use to watch TV while cooking). Sometimes there is a window at 9pm but then I’m tired and still have to prep everything for my kid for the next day. I am fortunate to outsource some cleaning - a person comes every 2 weeks for a couple hours. Everyone has their own challenges but in NO way is it easier as a single mother.