| OP- I would never begrudge a family member with greater needs more benefits. I would divide equally among sons and then talk to parent about a trust fund. |
| OP you can do what you want but I strongly suggest you create a cover story. Perhaps let everyone know you're leaving your money to charity and quietly let the parent of the autistic grandchild know that it's for him and to keep it quiet to avoid family squabbles? |
| Only do it if you are 100% sure you would be fine if grandson blew all the money on crap within a year, rather than use it wisely. Because that is what will likely happen. |
And if they are equally helping with you or spending time with you, and you split it equally, they will really hate each other for life. |
If they are NOT … |
That’s what trusts are for. Especially as several posters have repeatedly said, OP should use a special needs trust. |
| . |
DP. Because the other ones don’t have a developmental disability…. |
Your point? |
That’s weird so people who don’t have autism don’t need money also? |
Agree. She is being terrible esp since the kid had a job and also will do an apprenticeship. He can't be that disabled. |
Well. That’s a bad argument. Everyone needs money. Just bc the other grandkids do not have disabilities doesn’t mean they don’t/won’t need money. I’m not saying I think OP has to split $$ equally bc it makes sense to me that things are not always perfectly equal and this situation seems like a time that it would be ok to have an uneven split. However, for you to say that the other grandkids dont need $$ is just stupid. Of course they do: college, grad school, their own medical expenses one day, who knows what else—Debts and just every day expenses that are difficult to fund for many people…everyone needs money. |
This. My parents inherited a modest about and feel zero obligation to leave anything to their children. Other grandchildren should understand that a SN grandchild will need more help than they do, but depending on the amounts available perhaps a small amount for the other grandchildren would be a nice gesture to let them know you're thinking of them too. Or at least a letter explaining why. I think it depends on the amounts. If its $100K, that won't be enough to support the SN grandchild. If its $1M, surely you could spare a bit for the other grandkids too. If its a large amount, put it in trust paying income to your children and the SN grandchild during their lives, and the remainder to your other grandchildren. |
Not to say something won’t happen that will create a need for them in the future. |
| If OP is not a troll, I hope they see that in the end they cannot control how others will percieve any gift inheritance. Remember none of them are entitled to anything. You could give it all to charity. |