Not even a card

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05/08/2022 14:34

Subject: Re:Not even a card

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love a random card or flowers on a Tuesday in January, too.
But I don’t get it.
So the fact that I’ve specifically asked for a card is hurtful.
It’s ok to want what you want. It’s even better to ask for it, instead of hoping silently and being disappointed. It’s incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something.

NP. OP, please sit down and examine -- if you can get past the emotion -- why you are so, so invested. It's OK to BE invested, but do you even understand why? Were you raised in a family where cards and gestures meant a lot, so you expect them now too? Or conversely, did you grow up in a family where little things like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or even big likes like birthdays, were not really acknowledged and you felt hurt when you saw friends or relatives getting a big deal made over them? I'm being serious with you here, not snarky. You mentioned that it had been a good week with your DH and you even had special time together this past week, but you then devalue that somewhat by indicating he also must hew to your requests for today. I'd also note that today isn't even over yet but you're already so upset you're crying and posting.

So think about the bigger picture, not just cards. Yes, "it's incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something." But does your DH ignore you after you communicate about the truly important things? Things about your kids, your marriage? Is it possible you focus so much on specific gestures, for specific days of the year, that you don't see he does keep up with the things that matter more? I'm not here to say he's perfect or anything, I'm saying, can you step back from your potent emotions enough to ask why this means SO much to you, and if bigger issues are getting lost in all the focus on small ones?

Sorry, but this is BS. It’s not unreasonable for moms to expect their Hs put in some sort of effort on Mother’s Day. It doesn’t require reflection to figure out why, like it’s some crazy expectation. Most women just want a little bit of recognition for their work, since it is so devalued and overlooked by society. Most women just want to feel valued and that their work isn’t going unnoticed (because it usually does).

Valentines Day, birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, Christmas. That’s only 5 days out of 365 that men need to put in some effort. 1% of the total days of the year to show your W you appreciate them, and it pays in dividends the rest of the year.

[b]Men have it so easy. The bar is so low that it’s unreasonable for them to show some effort for a handful of days out of the year. Ridiculous.

I posted this on the other thread, but honestly as a society we have moved away from holding men to a standard and moved towards making more and more creative excuses for their behavior (see “dad bod” and “boys will be boys!”)[/b]

JFC, if what both of you saw in my post about OP looking at herself was "boys will be boys" and men get excused -- you really need to read better and think about whole relationships, not OP's tears in the bathroom over Mother's Day. Read her reply too. They have a skewed relationship that needs work every day, but she and you two can only talk about putting in work on Mother's Day.