So much disappointment this week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all these “high stat” kids, how many of you are also submitting 4’s or 5’s from
Your AP tests to show that you actually earned the A? Thay may be the difference in many cases. Lots and lots of public high schools are handing out A’s way too easily. And as for SAT scores, does anyone find it weird that 1400
And 1500 scores seem like a dime a dozen these days? The curve is unreal which is even making those seem less valuable. You have to show you earned those A’s so you need AP Scores and you need excellent teacher recommendations.

Mine has many 5s and 2 4s. And near perfect SATs. And a good gpa and activities… people need to stop trying to find fault with these kids who were rejected or WL and instead understand how opaque/random the process is nowadays.

Same. I think people are just hoping these kids are somehow less than their own and that accounts for it all. It makes them feel better temporarily. The reality is, my DC did not apply to a single school that wasn't realistic based on Naviance, recent events, overall picture of the applicant, counselor recommendation of where to apply, etc. And the recs for safeties were spot on. But it looks like those will be the only options. Luckily, we really pushed the "love your safety" philosophy, so DC will be happy once the sting passes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all these “high stat” kids, how many of you are also submitting 4’s or 5’s from
Your AP tests to show that you actually earned the A? Thay may be the difference in many cases. Lots and lots of public high schools are handing out A’s way too easily. And as for SAT scores, does anyone find it weird that 1400
And 1500 scores seem like a dime a dozen these days? The curve is unreal which is even making those seem less valuable. You have to show you earned those A’s so you need AP Scores and you need excellent teacher recommendations.

+1. For anybody reading this who has not had a kid go through the process, a "high stats" gpa--and gpa is very important--at a public in fcps or mcps is a 4.0 uw. If your kid is below that have realistic expectations. It doesn't mean they won't get into a selective school, but they need options. For anybody "unhooked", regardless of their stats, make sure they have a couple of safeties they are excited about attending.

This is true. If you don't have straight As, you are in for a world of hurt. Sadly, this isn't going to help the mental health of highly capable students for years to come. The pressure of one test is nothing compared to the day in day out pressure to never make a mistake or have a bad day. I think colleges have just made the whole mental health problem much, much worse.

+1.

My next kid is not interested in any of this. He took calc BC as a soph, but is choosing fewer weighted classes than he could for junior year. He has a 4.0 uw and will likely have a high standardized test score. He seems to be opting out of aspiring for highly selective schools, i.e. rejects the idea of playing the game. Does not want the stress of the competition to get there, nor a competitive atmosphere when he does. (Which reminds me, "collaborative rather than competitive" is now a factor for his college search, whenever that begins.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop fixating on the same 50 schools.

You can do everything “right” and not be accepted when there are tens of thousands applying for a few thousand spots at these big name schools. That’s just how it is at those schools. There will always be some disappointment at getting rejected, but if you go into the process knowing those schools have thousands of qualified applicants, you wouldn’t be shocked.

The disappointment is avoidable. Expand the horizons and don’t look at schools that will eagerly accept your kid as “lesser” institutions compared to the big names.

No one is shocked. It still sucks to go through it. Yes, the kids have likely schools, even scholarships to them, but face it-- that's no one's dream. They're going to have a moment of mourning their dreams.

My kid was actually very excited about her lowest ranked safety, and in the end chose it over 5 other schools. Her dream was getting a college education, not a attaining a certain number on the USNWR ranking. It is sad and twisted if you and your kid believe that that number allows them to cross over into some land or milk and honey. Consider fit, it is not a cliche. My child has had a fantastic experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a week of so many rejections and waitlists, I'm finding it hard to make sense of it all and struggling to know the best way to help my DD. Brutal week.

I am very sorry for your DD. Rejections hurt. And I'm sorry for you--it's the worst to watch your child struggle.

I am NOT an expert BUT as a mom of two kids who have dealt with the roller coaster of college admissions, my best advice as to how to help your DD:

1) validate her disappointment for a few days; it sucks when things you work hard for don't work out.

2) try to help her see that this is happening to many, many, hardworking, awesome, high-achieving kids...VERY few kids can beat the odds at these extremely tough-to-get-into schools. There will be amazing/talented kids just like her wherever she lands.

3) go to admissions day (if they have them) at the school(s) she has gotten into--these are so much better than regular pre-admissions tours because the schools really try to sell the kids AND they get to meet other admitted students...a lot of fun and it might just get her excited.

4) see if the admissions office from the schools she's into can hook her up with a student that is in the department she wants to major in and/or who is from her high school--making those personal connections may also get her excited.

It may be a bumpy couple of weeks but my guess is she'll be happy where she goes and she'll look back on this as a minor disappointment but one that put her on a very satisfying path. Good luck to her.

This is really good advice. I would just add that saying "things always work out for the best" isn't quite the right tone; it suggests that there's some magic hand that will swoop down to make things right.
Instead, consider saying "I know you can make the best of this situation." A kid who can learn to do that will have some really good tools in the box for the long haul of life.

[Anonymous]

My kid got into waitlist schools (a few years back), after having accepted her safety. She felt jerked around by the former, and decided she wanted a place that was excited about her from the start. It has worked out fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop fixating on the same 50 schools.

You can do everything “right” and not be accepted when there are tens of thousands applying for a few thousand spots at these big name schools. That’s just how it is at those schools. There will always be some disappointment at getting rejected, but if you go into the process knowing those schools have thousands of qualified applicants, you wouldn’t be shocked.

The disappointment is avoidable. Expand the horizons and don’t look at schools that will eagerly accept your kid as “lesser” institutions compared to the big names.

No one is shocked. It still sucks to go through it. Yes, the kids have likely schools, even scholarships to them, but face it-- that's no one's dream. They're going to have a moment of mourning their dreams.

My kid was actually very excited about her lowest ranked safety, and in the end chose it over 5 other schools. Her dream was getting a college education, not a attaining a certain number on the USNWR ranking. It is sad and twisted if you and your kid believe that that number allows them to cross over into some land or milk and honey. Consider fit, it is not a cliche. My child has had a fantastic experience.

*of milk and honey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a week of so many rejections and waitlists, I'm finding it hard to make sense of it all and struggling to know the best way to help my DD. Brutal week.

I am very sorry for your DD. Rejections hurt. And I'm sorry for you--it's the worst to watch your child struggle.

I am NOT an expert BUT as a mom of two kids who have dealt with the roller coaster of college admissions, my best advice as to how to help your DD:

1) validate her disappointment for a few days; it sucks when things you work hard for don't work out.

2) try to help her see that this is happening to many, many, hardworking, awesome, high-achieving kids...VERY few kids can beat the odds at these extremely tough-to-get-into schools. There will be amazing/talented kids just like her wherever she lands.

3) go to admissions day (if they have them) at the school(s) she has gotten into--these are so much better than regular pre-admissions tours because the schools really try to sell the kids AND they get to meet other admitted students...a lot of fun and it might just get her excited.

4) see if the admissions office from the schools she's into can hook her up with a student that is in the department she wants to major in and/or who is from her high school--making those personal connections may also get her excited.

It may be a bumpy couple of weeks but my guess is she'll be happy where she goes and she'll look back on this as a minor disappointment but one that put her on a very satisfying path. Good luck to her.

All of this - especially points 2 and 3. I also think it’s also hard because kids get pulled into prestige and where everyone else is going and posting on instagram etc. I’ve always emphasized that people apply to and attend places for many reasons beyond ranking - the social environment, ability to continue in a beloved activity, affordability, distance from family, preparation in major or conversely flexibility for the undecided, strength of academic support services and neurodiversity - classmates are looking for different things and even at the same school two people could evaluate it differently. So that’s to say your journey is your journey and there isn’t just one path to get to most destinations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all these “high stat” kids, how many of you are also submitting 4’s or 5’s from
Your AP tests to show that you actually earned the A? Thay may be the difference in many cases. Lots and lots of public high schools are handing out A’s way too easily. And as for SAT scores, does anyone find it weird that 1400
And 1500 scores seem like a dime a dozen these days? The curve is unreal which is even making those seem less valuable. You have to show you earned those A’s so you need AP Scores and you need excellent teacher recommendations.

+1. For anybody reading this who has not had a kid go through the process, a "high stats" gpa--and gpa is very important--at a public in fcps or mcps is a 4.0 uw. If your kid is below that have realistic expectations. It doesn't mean they won't get into a selective school, but they need options. For anybody "unhooked", regardless of their stats, make sure they have a couple of safeties they are excited about attending.

This is true. If you don't have straight As, you are in for a world of hurt. Sadly, this isn't going to help the mental health of highly capable students for years to come. The pressure of one test is nothing compared to the day in day out pressure to never make a mistake or have a bad day. I think colleges have just made the whole mental health problem much, much worse.

This is not on colleges. This is on the adults around the kids putting expectations on them. My kid got Bs and is in no way hurting because neither he nor we were ever felt entitled to a certain school.

[Anonymous]

You can’t rely on Naviance. It tells you where you are a match based on metrics, sure, but you don’t see how many seats vs #of kids applying. This makes it a lottery, no matter how well-matched you are. Naviance isn’t making the offers. I never looked at Naviance other than to show my kid how to select safeties vs stretch schools. You also need to apply to more schools than before, have an ED, and don’t wait on deferrals and waitlists. They are also lotteries.

- Class of 2025 Mom whose DC had good options and is happy with their choice

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand is why apply to so many out of state $chools when there are plenty of terrific in-state options. My senior applied to only one out-of-state university, the rest were in state. Didn't get into the out of state school but got into a state flagship just fine.

I think families are applying out of state for bragging rights, and ending up with nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why apply to so many out of state $chools when there are plenty of terrific in-state options. My senior applied to only one out-of-state university, the rest were in state. Didn't get into the out of state school but got into a state flagship just fine.

I think families are applying out of state for bragging rights, and ending up with nothing.

My high achiever kid didn’t get into the state flagship or the state tech school. You can’t assume those are options nowadays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why apply to so many out of state $chools when there are plenty of terrific in-state options. My senior applied to only one out-of-state university, the rest were in state. Didn't get into the out of state school but got into a state flagship just fine.

I think families are applying out of state for bragging rights, and ending up with nothing.

My high achiever kid didn’t get into the state flagship or the state tech school. You can’t assume those are options nowadays.

and I assume you mean UVA and VA Tech....perhaps the essays sucked and reflected no effort because those were the "safeties". I don't know certainly but I did hear the story on this board of a high stats kid who did get into both and spent alot of time on those PITA essays. I don't think high stats kids realize the importance of anything other than stats for the sake of stats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why apply to so many out of state $chools when there are plenty of terrific in-state options. My senior applied to only one out-of-state university, the rest were in state. Didn't get into the out of state school but got into a state flagship just fine.

I think families are applying out of state for bragging rights, and ending up with nothing.

My high achiever kid didn’t get into the state flagship or the state tech school. You can’t assume those are options nowadays.

and I assume you mean UVA and VA Tech....perhaps the essays sucked and reflected no effort because those were the "safeties". I don't know certainly but I did hear the story on this board of a high stats kid who did get into both and spent alot of time on those PITA essays. I don't think high stats kids realize the importance of anything other than stats for the sake of stats.

NP - we really can’t make the assumptions you made when we simply don’t know.
One of my kids is at one of those schools. It has plenty of downsides. If we had more money, I’d have pushed for OOS just for a change in social scenery. Tho once out of NOVA, Virginia is a change of social scenery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why apply to so many out of state $chools when there are plenty of terrific in-state options. My senior applied to only one out-of-state university, the rest were in state. Didn't get into the out of state school but got into a state flagship just fine.

I think families are applying out of state for bragging rights, and ending up with nothing.

My high achiever kid didn’t get into the state flagship or the state tech school. You can’t assume those are options nowadays.

You sound like a NOVA parent whose child didn’t get UVA or Tech. There are tons of state school options beyond those two schools. I know kids who did a semester at W&M and then transferred to UVA. Another who got a winter acceptance to W&M who went abroad for fall semester. You may be missing out on the Instagram/Facebook moment of posting “making your child’s dorm room bed”, but the options were there and were actually pretty awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we feel your pain. Our high-stats FCPS DC (4.41w/3.89uw, mid 1500s SAT, full IB diploma, most rigorous classes) was rejected or waitlisted at every single reach/hard target this week (Rice, WashU, NU, Mich, UCLA, Berkley etc.). Looks like the figurative University of Illinois for us.

These are all reaches. What were her matches/safeties? UVA or WM are at least as good as those schools, and a whole lot cheaper.

Message to parents of future applicants - help your kids have more realistic expectations

Bingo.

I would also add a message to parents for future applicants. YOU should be resetting your values and expectations as well. I wrote on this board many months ago that parents and students might be incorrectly assuming that their targets are “targets” when there was a great chance they were likely safeties.