If you are upper middle class parent, tell me why you sent your kid(s) to private schools?

[Anonymous]

We can't afford to buy a house in a good school district, so we live in a big house in a crappy neighborhood and transport our kids to a private school in a better neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it to get my kids a great education and help with college admissions. Big mistake on the latter.

Can you elaborate on the college admissions but? Do you regret going private? I figure college is a craps shoot since it’s so competitive coming from
This area. What school are your kids at?

Kids went to a highly regarded private in DC. We were shocked at how broken the college admissions process is. It's not just a crapshoot, it's geared for certain groups to get in and leaves academically high achieving non minority middle class kids out. Kids in the top ten of their class ending up at schools that used to be for B- students. The college counselors no longer have connections with top colleges. The caliber of the high school doesn't matter anymore for college admissions. In fact it can actually hurt.

After going thru admissions, I agree. With test optional, grades are the main thing now. And colleges do not care about grade inflation at less competitive schools. Your kids are incentivized to skate thru easy public with a challenging but still generously graded schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our HHI is just under $300, so we can afford the tuition but it hurts. We qualify for a small amount of financial aid.

We only ended up in private school because of covid. Prior to covid, we loved our neighborhood public school. Also, my own Catholic K-8 was pretty terrible so I wanted something different for DD. But watching the school board mess during summer of 2020, we decided to put DD into a nearby independent K-8 that we'd heard had responded well when covid hit in the spring. We said we'd leave after one year, and then after two ... I don't know when we'll actually leave.

DD is flourishing. I like the focus on language arts, including handwriting and foreign language. There is an emphasis on speaking in front of a group, both informally and in scripted events like plays. Because the classes are small, a lot of the tasks and homework can be tailored to each student's level. I was worried the math curriculum wouldn't be strong, but so far I am happy with it. PE, art, and music are regular classes that happen 4 times a week and have actual curricula, unlike in public school when it was once or twice a week and the content was scattershot.

A lot of what you are paying for is the customer service, too. Teachers are responsive, report cards have actual narrative content about the individual child, etc. I don't have to send in supplies. There is homework, but major projects are completed during school time rather than becoming something I have to track at home. I really value not having to chase the school around to get information or ensure my kid is getting what she needs.

Could have written almost the exact same post. Except we have lower HHI and grandparents paying for tuition.

You aren’t financially responsible for your own children?

[Anonymous]

We have an orchid kid who needs specialized instruction for dyslexia, and public schools in this area do not support the strengths of kids with dyslexia nor do they offer appropriate evidence-based services. We are fortunate to be able to afford a great private school for her. Other kid currently seems to be a dandelion and doing well in public elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it to get my kids a great education and help with college admissions. Big mistake on the latter.

Can you elaborate on the college admissions but? Do you regret going private? I figure college is a craps shoot since it’s so competitive coming from
This area. What school are your kids at?

Kids went to a highly regarded private in DC. We were shocked at how broken the college admissions process is. It's not just a crapshoot, it's geared for certain groups to get in and leaves academically high achieving non minority middle class kids out. Kids in the top ten of their class ending up at schools that used to be for B- students. The college counselors no longer have connections with top colleges. The caliber of the high school doesn't matter anymore for college admissions. In fact it can actually hurt.

I can believe this. I love private for elementary and middle. We might peel away before HS. I also am dubious of the "highly regarded" ones. Maybe a solid, less regarded one that treats all kids more equally?

I second you being dubious about the highly regarded privates. I know first hand that privates are shrewd in marketing to parents that they are the solution.
Our highly regarded private also has a draw to parents who thrive in cult-like circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I wanted my child to learn more then just read and write. I wanted her to learn to self advocate, think outside the box and encouraged to take risks. HHI 225 and we make many sacrifices for her to attend.

It is interesting that you think privates are better at teaching kids to self advocate. I am all for privates for people who can afford them and think they can be superior in many ways, but I have always thought that one of the downsides is that kids are a bit more coddled and so don't learn to self-advocate as much. After all, their parents are the customers, which is not true in private schools.

I think in public school I learned to self-advocate for my basic needs, like using the restroom, unfair grading (eg when I was falsely accused of plagiarism), or access to medication. But I don’t want my kids to even have to advocate for that crap. I think they’re learning to advocate for their views rather than their right to pee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god - it’s been at least a month since someone tried to rationalize $3-400k as middle class income and I was beginning to worry DCUM had lost its way.

Stay clueless, y’all.

It’s certainly UMC lifestyle.

LOL no it is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and I get it. 300K is a lot of money in most places, and it is a lot of money here. But 50K tuition hurts for HHI of 300K. It's not impossible, but it hurts.

What schools are 50k? Ours starts at 38 and goes up to max out at 46 in 12th.

All the big names are >$50k

False. Sidwell tops out at $48. GDS tops out at $46. NCS is just about $50. Holton is $48. I could go on.

Holton is over $50k for the upcoming school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it to get my kids a great education and help with college admissions. Big mistake on the latter.

Can you elaborate on the college admissions but? Do you regret going private? I figure college is a craps shoot since it’s so competitive coming from
This area. What school are your kids at?

Kids went to a highly regarded private in DC. We were shocked at how broken the college admissions process is. It's not just a crapshoot, it's geared for certain groups to get in and leaves academically high achieving non minority middle class kids out. Kids in the top ten of their class ending up at schools that used to be for B- students. The college counselors no longer have connections with top colleges. The caliber of the high school doesn't matter anymore for college admissions. In fact it can actually hurt.

This is one of my very real fears. Are you in a position to share the name of the school, or is it all of them?

This is the case for all schools, public or private. If your kid doesn’t have a hook that makes colleges extra excited (recruited athlete, legacy, donor, underrepresented group whether racial or geographic), your kid is in all likelihood not getting in. Sure, a few will, and that will get your entire peer group excited. But mostly…no. Ours went to one of the fancy privates K-8 and then switched to public (her preference) and yes, it was probably easier, and yes, she had like a 4.6 GPA with 13 APs and 1500+ SATs, but since she had no hooks and was also not a nationally renowned anything, she was disappointed in her college results at first. As were most of her friends, legacies excepted. (Their results were pretty incredible. Wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it.) She got over it, and she’s very happy where she is. You’ll get over it, too.

If I had to do it again, I’d recommend prioritizing mental health and making sure your kid LOVES the safety schools on their list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We make 325K and live in ACPS and were not willing to move to be zoned for a 'better' elementary school. As a family of color we were not sure that looking at test scores for affluent white students was a good predictor of how our child's experience would go, as we had concerns that teachers would have lower expectations for our kid due to stereotypes and our kid might be assumed to be only capable of performing at the level of many lower income low test scoring students of our race. If we had more time to supplement we probably could have taken that gamble, but we decided not to.

This is our calculus as well, as the parents of boys of color. It's a tricky situation when you have few same-race academic peers. And a diverse public school with a critical mass of black students operating at or above grade level is a bit of a unicorn, sadly.

[Anonymous]

We’re at the same HHI and felt I’ll signing the contract today and looking at the amount of money we will be spending. It’s worth a shot. If it’s not worth it and DC isn’t happy, public school is always there waiting for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re at the same HHI and felt I’ll signing the contract today and looking at the amount of money we will be spending. It’s worth a shot. If it’s not worth it and DC isn’t happy, public school is always there waiting for us.

In the same boat. Signed the contract today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it to get my kids a great education and help with college admissions. Big mistake on the latter.

Can you elaborate on the college admissions but? Do you regret going private? I figure college is a craps shoot since it’s so competitive coming from
This area. What school are your kids at?

Kids went to a highly regarded private in DC. We were shocked at how broken the college admissions process is. It's not just a crapshoot, it's geared for certain groups to get in and leaves academically high achieving non minority middle class kids out. Kids in the top ten of their class ending up at schools that used to be for B- students. The college counselors no longer have connections with top colleges. The caliber of the high school doesn't matter anymore for college admissions. In fact it can actually hurt.

I can believe this. I love private for elementary and middle. We might peel away before HS. I also am dubious of the "highly regarded" ones. Maybe a solid, less regarded one that treats all kids more equally?

I second you being dubious about the highly regarded privates. I know first hand that privates are shrewd in marketing to parents that they are the solution.
Our highly regarded private also has a draw to parents who thrive in cult-like circles.

Can you tell me more about these cult-like circles? 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We believed it was the best thing for our kids. Simple as that. What’s the point of being (relatively) high income and not spending it on something as important as the education of your kids? What else would we do with it, international travel and cars?

A third option is to invest it for the kids so they can pay for private for their kids without having a stressful job 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I wanted my child to learn more then just read and write. I wanted her to learn to self advocate, think outside the box and encouraged to take risks. HHI 225 and we make many sacrifices for her to attend.

It is interesting that you think privates are better at teaching kids to self advocate. I am all for privates for people who can afford them and think they can be superior in many ways, but I have always thought that one of the downsides is that kids are a bit more coddled and so don't learn to self-advocate as much. After all, their parents are the customers, which is not true in private schools.

I think in public school I learned to self-advocate for my basic needs, like using the restroom, unfair grading (eg when I was falsely accused of plagiarism), or access to medication. But I don’t want my kids to even have to advocate for that crap. I think they’re learning to advocate for their views rather than their right to pee.

In my experience with kids in both, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Privates provide a lot of opportunities to learn how to communicate and advocate with adults at an equal level with adults. Public sel-advocacy is more focused on advocating for basic respectful treatment or access to resources, all of which are just accepted as a given in private school.