when were inlaws allowed to see baby?

[Anonymous]

Kid 1 - 5 days old. He had jaundice and was in the hospital for 4 days.
Kid 2 - 2 days old.

Don’t differentiate between your parents and in-laws. Don’t be a hostess. Your job is is heal, rest, and take care of your baby. Their job is to order takeout, play with older kids, do laundry and generally be helpful but also stay out of the way. My mom kept talking about how she would help by holding the baby so I could do other things before I had my first. It made me really angry. I wanted to hold MY baby. I reframed it for her to tell her that I was her baby - and her job was to take care of me so I could care for my baby. Of course I let her hold the baby, but that reframing helped us get through those early visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 3 months and my daughter won’t let us lay a finger on the baby. We’ve seen him twice, and that was only after COVID tests and double masking outdoors- could only look at him. My daughter says as long as “it’s a pandemic and the baby isn’t vaccinated for it, no one will be able to touch him.” I think she needs therapy to manage her anxiety. It’s distressing.

If you’re positive that pandemic anxiety is the sole reason behind this (and not just not wanting less than helpful visitors) then you should help your daughter. She is suffering from extreme PPA/PPD and probably doesn’t realize it. She needs you to help her.

It’s hard to help someone who believes she is 100% right. She wouldn’t let her dad (my husband) join the outdoor viewings as a punishment essentially, because he no longer wears masks when going to stores, in public etc. They only leave their home to take the baby to the doctor. I pity my grandson.

I’m starting to see your daughters side. It’s not punishment to tell someone they can’t visit your newborn after going around to stores unmasked in the fags beforehand. I’d have told my dad no also. And if my mom eye rolled and viewed that as “punishment” and said things like “I pity your child”, I’d use the pandemic as an excuse to not have them over.

If you’re not a troll, call her OB and voice your concerns for PPA/PPD. There is ALWAYS something you can do to help a mentally ill loved one even if they don’t believe they’re sick. But it sounds like you just eye roll at her not wanting her baby to get sick.

+1 except please don't call her OB, that's not appropriate.

I think it's quite possible the PP's daughter is using Covid as an excuse to maintain some distance from PP and her husband, who sound like they are disrespectful and unkind. If this thread has taught anyone anything, it should be that people are often in a vulnerable and sensitive state in the the weeks and months after giving birth, and they need supportive, loving, kind people around them. If that's not you, I don't care how badly you want to hold that baby, you shouldn't be around.

Be supportive or GTFO. Maybe I should cross-stitch that on a pillow and give it to new moms to put in their living rooms as a reminder to visitors what the deal is.

I agree that the daughter is probably just trying to avoid longer visits with parents who aren’t taking germ precautions. But I disagree about the OB thing. If your family member is showing signs of mental decline and doesn’t realize it, what you’re supposed to do is call their doctor and tell them. The doctor can’t share anything with you but they can call and get the person to make an appointment for a check up. If the mom truly thinks her daughter had declined into a deep post partum anxiety that she can’t recognize she should absolutely alert her OB so that she can be screened and treated (if warranted)

[Anonymous]

If someone is going to be double masked and COVID tested before a outdoor viewing, where they presumably sent allowed close enough to breathe on the baby, why does it matter if the person was unmasked at Safeway and cvs last week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to be double masked and COVID tested before a outdoor viewing, where they presumably sent allowed close enough to breathe on the baby, why does it matter if the person was unmasked at Safeway and cvs last week?

You’re proving your daughters point that you’re unwilling to respect her rules for her baby. Why should she believe you’d feed him on the schedule she asks you to, or hold him correctly, or be helpful at all if you’re not willing to do something easy like wear a mask at Safeway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid 1 - 5 days old. He had jaundice and was in the hospital for 4 days.
Kid 2 - 2 days old.

Don’t differentiate between your parents and in-laws. Don’t be a hostess. Your job is is heal, rest, and take care of your baby. Their job is to order takeout, play with older kids, do laundry and generally be helpful but also stay out of the way. My mom kept talking about how she would help by holding the baby so I could do other things before I had my first. It made me really angry. I wanted to hold MY baby. I reframed it for her to tell her that I was her baby - and her job was to take care of me so I could care for my baby. Of course I let her hold the baby, but that reframing helped us get through those early visits.

That’s a great way to frame it. Wish I’d thought of that! I also hated all the “let me hold the baby so you can get the cleaning done!” from my in laws after I gave birth. Yeah, so helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to be double masked and COVID tested before a outdoor viewing, where they presumably sent allowed close enough to breathe on the baby, why does it matter if the person was unmasked at Safeway and cvs last week?

You’re proving your daughters point that you’re unwilling to respect her rules for her baby. Why should she believe you’d feed him on the schedule she asks you to, or hold him correctly, or be helpful at all if you’re not willing to do something easy like wear a mask at Safeway?

I wear masks. My husband has decided (in line with the CDC) that it’s unnecessary. According to her- because husband and I live together, “I basically don’t mask either.”

My husband thinks she is being ridiculous. I don’t disagree.

Please note though her in laws are also local and not permitted to hold or get close to the baby either. And they are 100% maskers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to be double masked and COVID tested before a outdoor viewing, where they presumably sent allowed close enough to breathe on the baby, why does it matter if the person was unmasked at Safeway and cvs last week?

You’re proving your daughters point that you’re unwilling to respect her rules for her baby. Why should she believe you’d feed him on the schedule she asks you to, or hold him correctly, or be helpful at all if you’re not willing to do something easy like wear a mask at Safeway?

I wear masks. My husband has decided (in line with the CDC) that it’s unnecessary. According to her- because husband and I live together, “I basically don’t mask either.”

My husband thinks she is being ridiculous. I don’t disagree.

Please note though her in laws are also local and not permitted to hold or get close to the baby either. And they are 100% maskers.

Please start your own thread for your unrelated problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid 1 - 5 days old. He had jaundice and was in the hospital for 4 days.
Kid 2 - 2 days old.

Don’t differentiate between your parents and in-laws. Don’t be a hostess. Your job is is heal, rest, and take care of your baby. Their job is to order takeout, play with older kids, do laundry and generally be helpful but also stay out of the way. My mom kept talking about how she would help by holding the baby so I could do other things before I had my first. It made me really angry. I wanted to hold MY baby. I reframed it for her to tell her that I was her baby - and her job was to take care of me so I could care for my baby. Of course I let her hold the baby, but that reframing helped us get through those early visits.

That’s a great way to frame it. Wish I’d thought of that! I also hated all the “let me hold the baby so you can get the cleaning done!” from my in laws after I gave birth. Yeah, so helpful.

My sister gave me a great answer to those “I’ll hold the baby so you can ____” helpers.

“MiL the baby is the only thing I’m cleared by my OB to lift. Please go ahead and unload the dishwasher” she said it in a very polite tone as though the MiL was actually offering help, and just didn’t realize how ridiculous it was to suggest a newly postpartum mother do dishes. Obviously her MiL wasn’t going to dig in, and preferred the opportunity to save face.

Unless the _______ is “while you take a nap”. Then hand over the baby and run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to be double masked and COVID tested before a outdoor viewing, where they presumably sent allowed close enough to breathe on the baby, why does it matter if the person was unmasked at Safeway and cvs last week?

You’re proving your daughters point that you’re unwilling to respect her rules for her baby. Why should she believe you’d feed him on the schedule she asks you to, or hold him correctly, or be helpful at all if you’re not willing to do something easy like wear a mask at Safeway?

I wear masks. My husband has decided (in line with the CDC) that it’s unnecessary. According to her- because husband and I live together, “I basically don’t mask either.”

My husband thinks she is being ridiculous. I don’t disagree.

Please note though her in laws are also local and not permitted to hold or get close to the baby either. And they are 100% maskers.

You are obviously a very entitled person based on your above statements, so I see why your daughter is keeping her distance. The newborn doesn’t care.