When you see your parents, who foots the restaurant bill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine as a parent allowing my adult children to pay. Parents take care of their kids, not the other way around.

You can’t imagine that some parents might be living on very modest incomes in retirement? Or that some kids might want to treat their parents?

[Anonymous]

We do. They paid for first 22 years of our bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever manages to pull their card out first to hand to waiter. It's a race.

Same here. It's still a bit disconcerting to my DH of 20-plus years (fighting for the bill was not a thing in his family), but I think now he enjoys the chicanery that "our side" will engage in to ensure we get to pay, instead of my parents.

I'll "let" one of my parents pay if the two of us grab lunch at a fast casual place. But if it's a real meal, I'll try my hardest to pay. I know they all have money, but that doesn't change the fact that they're retired and I'm still earning money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and inlaws paid always. Now we pay for our kids and their families- always and insist. Can't wait until we all can go to a restaurant again.

Same here. My parents and in-laws never would have allowed us to pay and we will never allow our adult kids to pay. Both my father and my FIL lived into their 90s and they always insisted on paying when we would go out to dinner.

They both would say we pay for you and then you will pay for your kids someday. The older should take care of the younger, that just seems to be the natural order of things. I’m surprised that there are parents who allow their children to pay for them, unless it’s a birthday or anniversary gift.

This is the type of family I grew up in too. We are more likely to trade off with my in-laws. I hope to be able to take my kids and their families out when they are adults in the same way.

[Anonymous]

We pay. DH is highly educated and has had a very successful career but his parents are poor immigrants with no money. My mom is working class white and lives on social security.

[Anonymous]

I was delighted the first time (of many as it turns out) one of my adult children insisted on paying at a restaurant. It's a good feeling to treat others and I'm happy for them to have that feeling too. I'm so proud of both my kids that they are generous and want to share their financial success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents should pay unless you are taking them out or they can’t afford it. If they can’t afford it you should split.

My mom is 93, she always pays.

You are ridiculous. Once I graduated from college, I always treated my mother.

[Anonymous]

My parents usually pay - we sometimes try to grab the bill first. His parents assume we are splitting it, unless they preface it with "you should take is out to dinner tonight."

[Anonymous]

Both sets always want to pay! It has gotten so ridiculous, that DH had to go and sneak and pay the bill if my dad was with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes we pay, sometimes they pay, sometimes we split. When we were first married, they paid more often, now that we’re in our early 40s, it’s about even. Same for in laws.

This is us too.

[Anonymous]

When we met our daughter's fiance's father and mother for the first time, we met in a sort of grill type lunch place in Bethesda. Not expensive, just pleasant. We all shook hands , and the six of us were seated and engaged in a couple minutes of pleasantries and small talk, smiley smiley. The waiter came over to start orders, and this Dad **immediately** says to him " Uh, separate checks, please."

I could feel my husband tense up next to me and and after we all ordered, got up to go to restroom and told the waiter that he would pick up check...quietly. He was mortified at this guy's comment. They weren't financially unable, btw. There were so many ways to deal with this, but this guy went nuclear first thing.

When it was clear, after the meal, that the check was paid, he just shrugged and said,
"Well, Ok..." This was our preview into this whole dysfunctional family,even though it was a small thing-and unfortunately we weren't wrong about our first impression. We really wanted to be wrong...10 years later, we weren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we met our daughter's fiance's father and mother for the first time, we met in a sort of grill type lunch place in Bethesda. Not expensive, just pleasant. We all shook hands , and the six of us were seated and engaged in a couple minutes of pleasantries and small talk, smiley smiley. The waiter came over to start orders, and this Dad **immediately** says to him " Uh, separate checks, please."

I could feel my husband tense up next to me and and after we all ordered, got up to go to restroom and told the waiter that he would pick up check...quietly. He was mortified at this guy's comment. They weren't financially unable, btw. There were so many ways to deal with this, but this guy went nuclear first thing.

When it was clear, after the meal, that the check was paid, he just shrugged and said,
"Well, Ok..." This was our preview into this whole dysfunctional family,even though it was a small thing-and unfortunately we weren't wrong about our first impression. We really wanted to be wrong...10 years later, we weren't.

I wouldn't call that "going nuclear first thing." You sound kind of dramatic.

Sure he turned out to be cheap, but a lot of families operate that way. They think split bills are the easiest and least complicated way of handling bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine as a parent allowing my adult children to pay. Parents take care of their kids, not the other way around.

We earn over $1m/year. My in-laws total estate when they died was around $200k. Of course we paid for them. Even my parents, who are retired but have good retirement income, don't have the resources we have.

Surely you can imagine a world where kids have more resources than their parents?

[Anonymous]

We fight for the check, to the victor goes the bill as the waiter backs away slowly. Online ordering has made things easier, I pay with my saved card as mom hands me her card and I hand it back innocently.

[Anonymous]

My parents/his parents always paid, which was ridiculous but what they wanted.

My siblings and I were allowed to pay for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary celebration. Then we went back to them paying.

The last time I visited my mom, she insisted on giving me gas money. I'm in my 50s. She's in failing health (I was visiting partly to drive her to doctor visits), and I think it made her feel like she is not dependent on other people.