Women Late 30s single and looking for marriage and family

[Anonymous]

Just stop. Stop trying to come up with some new fangled way to ensure attention and security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No high quality man would seek this. No secure woman would allow it.

It’s true that at points in history humans have formed these kinds of families but that’s not relevant to predicting who is seeking it now.

High quality man here, it sounds ideal. Another woman to have sex with and the women can emotionally support each other? Ideal.

No mention of the children in this post. Telling.

[Anonymous]

No.

A couple already has built-in issues with power and finances. The third wheel has even less influence. The risk is high for jealousy and drama.

You're better off with a friends with benefits you could co-parent with.

[Anonymous]

You would have no legal protection, for custody of children, inheritance of any party's assets, or any say in their end of life care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You would have no legal protection, for custody of children, inheritance of any party's assets, or any say in their end of life care.

She would have custody of her own child. She would have say in those things if they legally set it up that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want this and they are your special people and you can feel equal amongst them yes, sure why not.

I know of 2 throuples in the UK. One is actually a gay male couple who have had babies with a straight female and they all live together, 3 adults, 2 kids.

The other was 2 straight guys who lived with 1 woman. It was less equal and one of the guys moved out and left them. The couple who were left were shaky for years after but stayed together.

This is my feeling, if everyone is on the same page, why not?

The two examples the PP above uses really aren't very helpful.

The OP is talking about how she's a woman, seeking a straight couple where she would have sex with the man both for pleasure and to get pregnant, and would be friends and a sort of co-parent/support person with the wife.

The examples above are not that type of arrangement. One is two men and a woman, all of them straight, and it did not work out (whatever "less equal" means).

The other example is a gay couple with a straight female to have and help raise their children. The sexual aspect there would be that the couple is having sex with each other but neither is having sex with the woman except to procreate, and maybe not even then, if they use artificial insemination. The sexual jealousy aspect some have discussed here wouldn't be present in that arrangement (at least, not in the same way). I do wonder what legal arrangements get made in those cases; if the couple breaks up and the woman also moves out, do the children then have to shuttle among three different households for custody purposes, especially if both men's sperm was mixed in insemination so both feel they are equally the father of every child? Some couples do that -- mix both fathers' sperm for insemination.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be in a throuple, but I could see myself in a scenario where I had a kid with a guy who had other wives/women and we lived separate lives.

[Anonymous]

This sounds sad and desperate. I'd rather just be a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Sure, if you’re a pathetic pick-me, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No better way to find out than talk to the fundamentalist Mormons. I think they could talk to you about the lifestyle without dwelling on religion if you can get them to talk to you at all. Sometimes I think I want a sister wife, but really I just want a full time housekeeper and full time nanny. I can’t imagine sharing a husband or living a life that is so abnormal. I think it’d be extremely hard on the kids, especially as they get older, unless you live in a polygamist community.

This is a really good point. I am genuinely unsure if this works well for kids but what I can say is that it’s super duper rare and the child will be ostracized bc of it. If you’re cool with that then…I guess that answers it.

[Anonymous]

Who would recruit someone this old for this role? To bear children? I would be looking for someone young if I wanted a third to have the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t. Sounds like a lot of potential points for things to go south.

This could blow up, so many ways.And when it does, how confusing for the poor surviving children.

Just adopt or do IVF.

[Anonymous]

No, but I’d try to be an amazing Aunt to them — take them off the parents’ hands, invest in their lives, become a trusted adult to them, etc.

Often I wish I had had the opportunity to do that instead of becoming a parent, but I’m one of the oldest in my family, first to marry and have kids, and first of close friends to do so as well, and thought people just…had kids and there weren’t other socially accepted options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but I’d try to be an amazing Aunt to them — take them off the parents’ hands, invest in their lives, become a trusted adult to them, etc.

Often I wish I had had the opportunity to do that instead of becoming a parent, but I’m one of the oldest in my family, first to marry and have kids, and first of close friends to do so as well, and thought people just…had kids and there weren’t other socially accepted options.

OP I posted this and just realized from some comments above that you mean YOU would bear the children, not like they already have them.

That makes it so much more complicated, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t. Sounds like a lot of potential points for things to go south.

This could blow up, so many ways.And when it does, how confusing for the poor surviving children.

Just adopt or do IVF.

I agree this is a stupid idea but FYI, you don't necessarily need to do IVF to get pregnant. IVF is not the same thing as becoming pregnant via sperm donor,
And there's no such thing as "just adopt". Adoption is actually a far more expensive and difficult process than even IVF.
Ignorance bugs me.