My sister is naturally better than me in EVERYTHING. Is it bad that I wish I could outdo her ?

[Anonymous]

Thank God, I am the only girl with two awesome brothers.

[Anonymous]

My sister is not just taller and prettier which I could deal with...she is absolutely a lovable person. Everyone who meets her adores her. She has a constant stream of social engagements and all her friends call her their best friend. She is an expat in a foreign country, fluent in the language. This country has a reputation for being insular but she makes friends everywhere she goes, I've seen it!
I just try to hold her as a role model and be more like her. Somehow things never work out for me though. I'd give anything for a tenth of her charisma. My husband called us Daria and Quinn which isn't really accurate because she is so nice. But I just can't seem to bring myself to smile widely at everyone and chit chat with strangers making heavy eye contact. It's a gift.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should seek counseling.. Your jealous energy seems very deep rooted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is not just taller and prettier which I could deal with...she is absolutely a lovable person. Everyone who meets her adores her. She has a constant stream of social engagements and all her friends call her their best friend. She is an expat in a foreign country, fluent in the language. This country has a reputation for being insular but she makes friends everywhere she goes, I've seen it!
I just try to hold her as a role model and be more like her. Somehow things never work out for me though. I'd give anything for a tenth of her charisma. My husband called us Daria and Quinn which isn't really accurate because she is so nice. But I just can't seem to bring myself to smile widely at everyone and chit chat with strangers making heavy eye contact. It's a gift.

See? Some people could handle it perfectly, because they have a beautiful mindset!
And several pps have admitted their siblings are better at many things than them, but they don’t allow that to impact their relationship or their life. So who has more merits is not the issue here, the issue is really if you have the ability to be content with yourself and be happy. That’s what I’m trying help my daughter to see.
Some parents must be blind and deaf to their kids’ differences or pretend to be so. But kids are not fools. They see who is smarter, prettier, more likable…parents pretend that does not exist is actually part of the reasons why people like op feel resentful in the sibling relationship. In addition, while not recognizing it, parents miss the opportunity to help guide them and prepare them to thrive in the future.
Sibling relationship is not the key issue here, either. It’s through the lens of sibling relationship you get to know how your kids will present themselves in bigger life. My older dd’s mindset of comparing everything impacts her ability to make friends, to be happy about friends’ achievements. It will impact her ability to have good close relationships and ultimately to be happy when she grows up.

I don’t expect you to understand my approach as a parent, because unlike you, I don’t love my children based on conditions like their merits. I have too much love for both of them based on a simple fact — both of them are my kids. However, seeing the differences helps me to parent them differently based on their needs and their dynamics. Seeing the differences allows me to sympathize with my older dd, because it is not easy to be in her shoes. I also understand some things do not come natural to my older DD but is innate to my younger dd, like sharing and caring for other people. so I compliment every efforts she made to be a kinder person.
I don’t raise fragile snowflakes and I ‘m setting my kids up for long-term success so my parenting might be different than yours.

[Anonymous]

I don’t expect you to understand my approach as a parent, because unlike you, I don’t love my children based on conditions like their merits.

I'm not the OP but FFS, if this is your attitude I'm sure you're not a great parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t expect you to understand my approach as a parent, because unlike you, I don’t love my children based on conditions like their merits.

I'm not the OP but FFS, if this is your attitude I'm sure you're not a great parent.

Whatever you say. It’s for my kids to judge not you. I’m happily take any feedback they have for me, but I don’t care about yours. I just know both my daughters love each other immensely and wish the best for each other. That’s through hard work. I’m content.

BTW, I’m here to help op to understand there are things she can’t change, and it would be evil to wish anything bad happen to her sister. The only thing she could do is to stop comparing and focus on her own happiness. I believe in two things: mindset change and taking actions, that will always help you get out of any tricky situations. Though I don’t know her, I hope she could find peace and content in her life. The whole point of sharing my story is to say I empathize with her, because I know it is not easy to grow up with a sibling who does lots of things better than you. But if you could shift your focus to your own life and be a cheerleader for your sister, you become a more powerful person. And hopefully your sister does the same. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t expect you to understand my approach as a parent, because unlike you, I don’t love my children based on conditions like their merits.

I'm not the OP but FFS, if this is your attitude I'm sure you're not a great parent.

+100. That poor child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t expect you to understand my approach as a parent, because unlike you, I don’t love my children based on conditions like their merits.

I'm not the OP but FFS, if this is your attitude I'm sure you're not a great parent.

+100. That poor child.

DP here. I was the golden child, went to Harvard, married well, have perfect kids, etc. My brother has mental illness and my parents love and worry about him. I never felt they loved me more even though I have always done better. A parent can acknowledge that one child is stronger without being a bad parent.

I have a friend whose sister was always smarter. She is the most insecure person I know. She seems jealous of her sister but also acts that way towards other women. I feel sorry for her.

[Anonymous]

From the sounds of it, there are MILLIONS of people with a life better than yours.

Why are you so focused on her?

If her life was just as sh!tty as yours, you’d still have the same sh!tty life. What is cursing one person going to do for you?

How about live life grateful for the blessings God has prepared for YOU.

[Anonymous]

How about live life grateful for the blessings God has prepared for YOU.

You are assuming a lot. But then again, everyone has to be the same religion as yourself, right?