Reply to My sister is naturally better than me in EVERYTHING. Is it bad that I wish I could outdo her ?

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Reply to "My sister is naturally better than me in EVERYTHING. Is it bad that I wish I could outdo her ?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister is not just taller and prettier which I could deal with...she is absolutely a lovable person. Everyone who meets her adores her. She has a constant stream of social engagements and all her friends call her their best friend. She is an expat in a foreign country, fluent in the language. This country has a reputation for being insular but she makes friends everywhere she goes, I've seen it!
I just try to hold her as a role model and be more like her. Somehow things never work out for me though. I'd give anything for a tenth of her charisma. My husband called us Daria and Quinn which isn't really accurate because she is so nice. But I just can't seem to bring myself to smile widely at everyone and chit chat with strangers making heavy eye contact. It's a gift.[/quote]

See? Some people could handle it perfectly, because they have a beautiful mindset!
And several pps have admitted their siblings are better at many things than them, but they don’t allow that to impact their relationship or their life. So who has more merits is not the issue here, the issue is really if you have the ability to be content with yourself and be happy. That’s what  I’m trying help my daughter to see. 
Some parents must be blind and deaf to their kids’ differences or pretend to be so. But kids are not fools. They see who is smarter, prettier, more likable…parents pretend that does not exist is actually part of the reasons why people like op feel resentful in the sibling relationship. In addition, while not recognizing it, parents miss the opportunity to help guide them and prepare them to thrive in the future.
Sibling relationship is not the key issue here, either. It’s through the lens of sibling relationship you get to know how your kids will present themselves in bigger life. My older dd’s mindset of comparing everything impacts her ability to make friends, to be happy about friends’ achievements. It will impact her ability to have good close relationships and ultimately to be happy when she grows up.

I don’t expect you to understand my approach as a parent, because unlike you, I don’t love my children based on conditions like their merits. I have too much love for both of them based on a simple fact — both of them are my kids. However, seeing the differences helps me to parent them differently based on their needs and their dynamics. Seeing the differences allows me to sympathize with my older dd, because it is not easy to be in her shoes. I also understand some things do not come natural to my older DD but is innate to my younger dd, like sharing and caring for other people. so I compliment every efforts she made to be a kinder person. 
I don’t raise fragile snowflakes and I ‘m setting my kids up for long-term success so my parenting might be different than yours. [/quote]

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