Poor near family, or afford life far away?

[Anonymous]

DH and I both grew up here (outside DC). We both have ok jobs, but cannot make ends meet. Own a foreclosed town home, and paying mortgage monthly is a huge struggle. Renting isn't really an option (here), because it's the same as our mortgage.

For 5 years, we lived in the south as I did Teach for America. We both made significantly more $$ in the same jobs, and were looking into building a huge home on a giant lot of property - but I accidentally (on bc) got pregnant. We decided to move home near family. Both moms do a lot of our daycare, especially before/after work, and I am best friends with my mother. We have discussed moving back - but I am super hesitant. He would go yesterday if given the option. I am super close with my mom, and we really love having our children get to grow up surrounded by family. We love love love having family dinners with both sets of parents, being right here for holidays / birthdays/ etc. But financially, this area is killing us .... I have mentioned to my mom the possibility of us moving back where it's cheaper, and she got her feelings WAY hurt and was angry for weeks. I don't know what to do... We cannot afford to live here, but in my heart I can't imagine not taking in every moment with both sets of parents (and siblings) - before someone passes away and we regret not spending time with them. Thoughts?!

[Anonymous]

Are higher paying jobs here a possibility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both have ok jobs, but cannot make ends meet.

Can you improve this?

[Anonymous]

I teach for Frederick County, he is in school for his bachelors in accounting/finance. He works an entry level job in accounting, I have applied to MCPS for next year but FCPS pays so little, idk if we will make it until next year.

[Anonymous]

I would leave. You can always travel here for the holidays. If you like to entertain then you will have fun hosting new friends. I think your mom is being controlling. She was mad for weeks bc you discussed moving? You need to be able to save for retirement, college, home improvements, rainy day. Are your parents very wealthy and are you expecting a sizable inheritance (after taxes)?

[Anonymous]

Parents and grandparents are all independently wealthy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have mentioned to my mom the possibility of us moving back where it's cheaper, and she got her feelings WAY hurt and was angry for weeks.

Did you explain that it was about the money, not about her? If she's independently wealthy and unfeeling about your financial struggles, that's pretty cold.

[Anonymous]

Mom has no concept of struggling for money. she grew up wealthy and married an extremely successful lawyer. She has never worked, and has no concept of money running out / paying bills / etc. When I say I am not moving bc of her but bc of $$, she can't wrap her head around it. She's never struggled or had any concept of not having unlimited money.

[Anonymous]

Since your family members do the bulk of your childcare, how much would you have to pay out in childcare expenses if you had to move away?

I have to say, I'm really surprised that with TWO working parents and minimal (if any?) childcare expenses, you still can't make ends meet?

[Anonymous]

how long till husband gets his BA and what will his salary look like then?

[Anonymous]

Husband barely makes above minimum wage. We both have exorbitant student loans.

[Anonymous]

How does your husband have exorbitant student loans and still doesn't have a marketable degree? How will he finish his degree if you move? Are you sure you can both find work in the new destination? Can you take on tutoring to make more money?

Normally I would say that family comes first, but it sounds like you guys are a financial disaster. I would run all the numbers, including child care in the new destination, what would happen if you have another child, how many trips home would you want to take.

[Anonymous]

Start a home day care with your mom. You will have more money than if you are a teacher. Being poor sucks. If you cannot change your income situation, it would be better if you moved.

[Anonymous]

Get megabux mom to pay your loans. How is it that you have exorbitant loans and rich parents, anyway?

[Anonymous]

Tough call, OP. I can say that DH and I have discussed similar options (moving to a lower COL area, at the expense of leaving family) and have decided to stay unless we can convince our parents to come with us. I grew up VERY close to both sets of grandparents and I feel like it was such an enriching childhood to have that generational connection. I learned so much from them, and now that they're all deceased, I really treasure those experiences. I'm grateful that my children are growing up close to their grandparents with everyday interactions. For us, that is worth sucking it up in a smaller house with fewer extras.

For what it's worth, we are actually both MCPS teachers (I'm on leave with baby #3). If you can get into MCPS, you should be able to make ends meet, and you will get credit for your years in FCPS. For example, if you've been teaching in FCPS for 5 years and go to MCPS, you will begin at step 6, once your years have been verified. If you were a certified in TFA, those years count too.

If you're this close to financial disaster, how will you be able to afford moving expenses and setting up a new home in another state? You need a lot of upfront cash to get a rental, survive until the first paychecks, etc. Is living temporarily with your parents an option?