Online dating/ 1st date

[Anonymous]

So I am divorced and doing the online dating thing. I am quickly learning that it's important to meet because that's the main way to determine chemistry. I've met lots of great guys and I always want to give them more chances to see if the chemistry thing comes later. Last weekend, I went on a date and within an hour, we were kissing. The chemistry was palpable. Has this happened to anyone else? Should I not give those other men another chance because this is how it's supposed to be?
Please don't mock. I was married 20+yrs and I am genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

This is great OP! What site are you using?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is great OP! What site are you using?

OKC

[Anonymous]

Thanks! And to answer your question, I would go with chemistry and forget the other men. But I would also continue dating new guys.

[Anonymous]

Did the chemistry guy ask you to be exclusive? If not, keep dating ones you have interest in, toss the others back.

[Anonymous]

I found that there is a sweet spot when it comes to chemistry.

The ones with the hottest, immediate chemistry were the worst for me. It's like the universe found the one person who hit all my buttons-all my buttons, both the good and the bad. So I took the hot chemistry with a grain of salt. Enjoy the sex, but realize it will most likely flame out. Chemistry does not equal compatibility.

The ones where there was no chemistry on date one, never grew into chemistry. Now there were ones that there was attraction but it took a little while (a date or two) to get past the nerves. They sometimes turned into nice 3-6 month relationships.

With DH, there was a strong attraction. But not so strong that we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. So it was there, but not so overwhelming we couldn't get to know each other non-sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found that there is a sweet spot when it comes to chemistry.

The ones with the hottest, immediate chemistry were the worst for me. It's like the universe found the one person who hit all my buttons-all my buttons, both the good and the bad. So I took the hot chemistry with a grain of salt. Enjoy the sex, but realize it will most likely flame out. Chemistry does not equal compatibility.

The ones where there was no chemistry on date one, never grew into chemistry. Now there were ones that there was attraction but it took a little while (a date or two) to get past the nerves. They sometimes turned into nice 3-6 month relationships.

With DH, there was a strong attraction. But not so strong that we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. So it was there, but not so overwhelming we couldn't get to know each other non-sexually.

Thanks for this feedback. Some dates have grown into second and third and fourth but I found them forced. This date was explosive. I'm so excited for date 2 and I haven't felt that before. I just hope it doesn't fizzle or mean he's bad for me.

And to answer the PP who said it needs to be exclusive. Even I don't want that yet. When does one bring up the exclusivity issue?

[Anonymous]

Be careful. There are a lot of weirdos and addicts with the whole online dating scene....no matter how much chemistry there is. Just don't fall in so easily and have your eyes open. In any case, after 20 years, enjoy the touching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am divorced and doing the online dating thing. I am quickly learning that it's important to meet because that's the main way to determine chemistry. I've met lots of great guys and I always want to give them more chances to see if the chemistry thing comes later. Last weekend, I went on a date and within an hour, we were kissing. The chemistry was palpable. Has this happened to anyone else? Should I not give those other men another chance because this is how it's supposed to be?
Please don't mock. I was married 20+yrs and I am genuinely curious.

As a guy who has been on and off online dating for years (divorced for 8 years) my observations:

- New dates with explosive chemistry at first normally doesn't last. Intense at first, fizzle later.
- Divorce Women in their 40's / 50's coming off a divorce are so much more uninhabited sexually.
- Finding the "chemistry" is what we all seek, yet the baggage of life (kids, work, responsibility) always drains a relationship.
- If the chemistry is amazing and you are still dating him for months - wait to introduce him to your kids until you know its real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I am divorced and doing the online dating thing. I am quickly learning that it's important to meet because that's the main way to determine chemistry. I've met lots of great guys and I always want to give them more chances to see if the chemistry thing comes later. Last weekend, I went on a date and within an hour, we were kissing. The chemistry was palpable. Has this happened to anyone else? Should I not give those other men another chance because this is how it's supposed to be?
Please don't mock. I was married 20+yrs and I am genuinely curious.

As a guy who has been on and off online dating for years (divorced for 8 years) my observations:

- New dates with explosive chemistry at first normally doesn't last. Intense at first, fizzle later. 100% true
- Divorce Women in their 40's / 50's coming off a divorce are so much more uninhabited sexually. 1,000,000% true
- Finding the "chemistry" is what we all seek, yet the baggage of life (kids, work, responsibility) always drains a relationship. depends, if you're both in the same place, want the same things, the chemistry can, and does, help prevent that 'drain'
- If the chemistry is amazing and you are still dating him for months - wait to introduce him to your kids until you know its real. yes, totally agree

+1 to the above. I was a divorced dad and used online dating (OKC and Match) for a couple of years before I met my wife (who was also a divorced mom)

[Anonymous]

Of course that happens! Sometimes there is just serious chemistry. Sometimes that chemistry fizzles, sometimes it endures. One date isn't enough to figure it out.

So my advice is to have another date with this guy, somewhere less conducive to making out, and see how it goes. My concern is that all that chemistry could easily lead to a quick hookup and then if he doesn't call afterward, you'd be bummed out. (then again, if you are cool with no-strings, use protection and have fun!)

[Anonymous]

I would go for chemistry. Maybe it happens on the first date, maybe not till date three. But that butterfly feeling when you can't wait to touch someone, that is special and rare. It doesn't always fizzle out either.

[Anonymous]

I had fireworks type chemistry with my now-husband on date 1. But we never kissed or moved on to touching for a couple of months. I think holding off made it all the more explosive when we finally did get together physically and the fire is still burning a few years later.

[Anonymous]

I kissed a girl I met in a bar within 10-minutes of meeting her because the chemistry was good. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other and kissed the rest of the night. I then found out she is 14 years younger than me! but she was hot and in college - so I couldn't resist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kissed a girl I met in a bar within 10-minutes of meeting her because the chemistry was good. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other and kissed the rest of the night. I then found out she is 14 years younger than me! but she was hot and in college - so I couldn't resist.

Harrison Ford?