Single Parents: tell me how you do it!
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Anonymous
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I've been solo parenting my daughter for about six months now, and I'm wondering if anyone who has BTDT has any advice. It's hard and exhausting and I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. If you're a single parent, is there anything you wish you would have figured out sooner rather than later? Any words of wisdom?
My daughter is under 2, and I have her 100% of the time. I don't have any family in the area so it's truly all on me. I am contemplating moving back to my hometown so that I have more family support but that would mean giving up a very lucrative career that I enjoy. In a few years, when parenting is not as intensive maybe I'd regret making the move. |
Anonymous
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1. It does get easier. Hang in there.
2. Get a village. Be it your best friend, a fellow mom from daycare. Don't be afraid to call on them. You will get sick or get stuck at work or have your car break down and you will need them. It's okay. 3. Don't beat yourself up. |
Anonymous
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1. Enjoy your child and spend as much time as you can on FUN activities, after work, weekends, etc. You don't have to stress about serving your partner's needs but can focus on your child! 2. Don't try to do too much each day, instead focus on doing what needs to be done (bills, minimal clean up, homework, laundry). Hire a mother's helper every few weeks to play with your child while you get caught up. 3. Don't worry about preparing the perfect dinner-just focus on quick-to-make, healthy foods (or prepared). Cooking, preparing and cleaning up is a huge time sink every evening (and wouldn't you rather take your child to the play ground instead?) 4. Forget about a good night's sleep 
5. If you can find your village, use it but don't count on it. Despite the fact that I have some family and cousins nearby, they rarely offer any assistance (even when I've asked or strongly hinted). I'm still looking for my village. 6. Better to stay in a low-stress, easy and/or stable job than to follow your career ambitions. Keep your commute to work/daycare as short as possible because it can be a huge time suck each day (I wasted too much time on the road for the first 3 years. I should have used a neighborhood in-home daycare.) 7. Turn off/hide your TV, PC, ipad etc. and avoid social media unless you want to post some cute pictures... HUGE time sink (obviously, it's after 1 AM and here I am despite the dirty dishes piled up in the sink) I don't think it gets easier as my son grows but actually harder and more complex with school challenges (home work, sports), personalities, friends, etc. I yearn for the easiness of the toddler years! But, as hard as it is to raise a child as a single, working parent, I tell my self it would be a LOT harder with a needy, argumentative, abusive... partner! Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Take advantage of the lucrative career and hire a sitter sometimes. I am in the same boat with a 10 yr old and I wish I had the money to do things for myself. Once your child gets older, she will go to drop off bday parties and sleepovers so that is my "me" time. |
Anonymous
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TV when we are home. As much as she wants! She needs down time as much as I do. I have no qualms about admitting that! So much of our together time is spent exploring outside, weekly ballet, reading, playing together, puppet shows, crafts, playdough, etc. What I am trying to say is find a balance that works for you.
Pick your battles. Prioritize cleaning/organizing/household chires. Enjoy your time together, and look at the BIG pi ture, what REALLY matters! |
Anonymous
I also want to add that I do not have local family either. And, she is almost 3. |
Anonymous
Ooops..1 more thing..?I would absolutely NOT give up a $$$$/enjoyable job. |
Anonymous
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It's HARD. I don't solo parent thankfully, but I'm hundreds of miles from my ex, so breaks are infrequent. My family is thousands of miles away, so I definitely understand that.
Find a hobby for YOU. I started my favorite sport again recently, and it just puts a smile on my face for entire weeks at a time. I had to find a low key club, and I only go once a week, but it's amazing for my mental health. Then, minimize the STUFF. Minimize cleaning by not having too much stuff. And, it gets better. Mine is 7 now, it's awesome. |
Anonymous
| Hire really good help. I put in a ton of effort to get a great babysitter and she is like family to us. It has been a joy to see her make her way through college, get to know her family, etc. Totally worth it. |
Anonymous
Keep breathing, and if you haven't already let your housekeeping go to hell, do so now. If you can afford to do it, outsource as much as you can (hell, drop off the laundry for wash & fold service). Make dinner with the phone at least once a week. Two is hard with a bunch of help around. It gets easier. Find someone you trust to babysit, and make it a regular thing for yourself. Even if it's once a month (though I recommend more often), DO IT. |
Anonymous
Wanted to add that my son is now 14 and we are both still alive. 
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Anonymous
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11:18 here one more time. Trust me on this one: DON'T GIVE UP A LUCRATIVE CAREER.
Money helps a lot. |
Anonymous
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1) You need money to make it easier so don't give up a good paying job.
2) Have reasonable expectations of yourself. Your house will not be as clean and your meals will not be paragons of virtue. Doesn't matter. Focus on the critical needs - you, your child. 3) I had a night where we went out to dinner or got drive thru - No Cook Fridays. We did that, got home and watched a movie together. Creating little traditions and routine are helpful and give you happy things to look forward to. |
Anonymous
| Assuming you have a good relationship you have with your family, the emotional support and connection for you as well as your daughter is priceless. I wouldn't suggest a change that puts a huge financial strain on you but personally, I think a reduction in salary would be worth the move. Especially at this age, it's hard not to feel lonely when you are the only parent. My daughter is four and it can still be lonely at times. Do you have close friends or another type of support system (church, etc)? I agree with the PP who suggested creating your own traditions and not putting unrealistic expectations on yourself. |
Anonymous
| The early years are hard. I joined a twice a week playgroup and those people became my village and saved my sanity. |