Stuff my MIL says about my baby when she visits

[Anonymous]

My MIL is from abroad and I am not. I think there are some cultural issues that make some of the things she says ok to her ears and really awful to mine. Language is not an issue because she's from a place where English is learned concurrently with the native language.

Anyway, so I don't explode from holding it in, here is what she said about my daughter, who is 18 mos:

"Her hands are really big. Like, really big. Even Uncle says they are bigger than any other kids' hands."
Me: "are you saying that she has giant hands? And that people can see this from photos?"
Her: "they're definitely bigger than any other kids hands."
(My daughter has normal to small hands based on a recent mitten shopping excursion but I did notice that MIL has total Trump hands)

Sorry for the random vent but it was too weird to let it go unheard by others.

Please share your odd, slightly hurtful but funny MIL comments so I can get through their visit.

[Anonymous]

Why was this hurtful? Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was this hurtful? Grow up.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

"Baby is so big and thick. He definitely has the build of your side of the family"

[Anonymous]

According to my MIL I was just the carrier.

[Anonymous]

You need to change your mindset. Rather than taking your MIL seriously, in the back of your mind, think of what she says as humorous and collect a list of the most outrageous things she says. Even if you never tell anyone, just think of it like a competition for the most outrageous MIL and that your MIL is winning. Keep track and see if she can say something you find even more astounding than the last one.

This will help you to stop taking what she says so seriously. Because in the long run, her saying things like this really don't matter until your child is older when you have to start monitoring to make sure she doesn't say things that will make your child unduly self-conscious. And then even if she does, when your MIL is not around, you can work on teaching your child not to take her strange grandmother too seriously as well.

[Anonymous]

No no no. This is not a "grow up" issue. It is a mil with a large supply of negativity to hurl at you. I would never advise you just to ignore it, not until after a few well placed times of lashing back at how rude and hurtful etc. After a few "how dare you" comments from you, maybe next time she will bite her tongue no matter WHAT she thinks. Otherwise my friend, every insult will get larger and bolder. Do not create a monster with you kind ways. Draw a neon bright line in the sand. As soon as she gets over being bitten by you over and over, you'll be amazed how quickly she starts to approve of things. Take the limp advice from the others and save it for after you have done an outstanding show of strength. Then you can afford to be smiling gracious and generous.
Ttfn

[Anonymous]

My DD had big ears when she was a baby and toddler. And preschooler. Then she grew into her ears.

Your body does't all grow in proportion to itself.

[Anonymous]

Does she love your daughter? If yes, then understand that nothing she says meant to be critical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No no no. This is not a "grow up" issue. It is a mil with a large supply of negativity to hurl at you. I would never advise you just to ignore it, not until after a few well placed times of lashing back at how rude and hurtful etc. After a few "how dare you" comments from you, maybe next time she will bite her tongue no matter WHAT she thinks. Otherwise my friend, every insult will get larger and bolder. Do not create a monster with you kind ways. Draw a neon bright line in the sand. As soon as she gets over being bitten by you over and over, you'll be amazed how quickly she starts to approve of things. Take the limp advice from the others and save it for after you have done an outstanding show of strength. Then you can afford to be smiling gracious and generous.
Ttfn

Sorry, but I've seen friends who have taken this stance. They end up with the horrible situation where the MIL hates them more and more and the husband is caught in the middle. Where the husband is forced to choose between his mother and his wife as the battles get bigger and bigger. Yes, the wife holds control of the grandchildren (and it is terrible to make your children pawns in your power struggle with their grandparent) but ultimately no one wins. I've seen marriages where the MIL gets cut off. I've seen marriages that end in divorce and I've seen marriages that just get cold and bitter. Again, no one wins.

[Anonymous]

Which country is she from? My DH is from India, and he and many of his relatives are pretty blunt. But they don't mean anything negative by it. Try to view it with humor. (Big hands comment? Just respond "She's going to be a piano prodigy!")If what she says isn't true, why do you care? If it is true, then so what if she's pointing it out? You still have the best, smartest, most beautiful baby in the world (to you)!

[Anonymous]

Such a strange thing to observe, I'm thinking it's a positive trait in their culture (??)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No no no. This is not a "grow up" issue. It is a mil with a large supply of negativity to hurl at you. I would never advise you just to ignore it, not until after a few well placed times of lashing back at how rude and hurtful etc. After a few "how dare you" comments from you, maybe next time she will bite her tongue no matter WHAT she thinks. Otherwise my friend, every insult will get larger and bolder. Do not create a monster with you kind ways. Draw a neon bright line in the sand. As soon as she gets over being bitten by you over and over, you'll be amazed how quickly she starts to approve of things. Take the limp advice from the others and save it for after you have done an outstanding show of strength. Then you can afford to be smiling gracious and generous.
Ttfn

Sorry, but I've seen friends who have taken this stance. They end up with the horrible situation where the MIL hates them more and more and the husband is caught in the middle. Where the husband is forced to choose between his mother and his wife as the battles get bigger and bigger. Yes, the wife holds control of the grandchildren (and it is terrible to make your children pawns in your power struggle with their grandparent) but ultimately no one wins. I've seen marriages where the MIL gets cut off. I've seen marriages that end in divorce and I've seen marriages that just get cold and bitter. Again, no one wins.

Maybe sometimes, but there are also mil who would rather have a dil they respect than one who is kind. Im not saying make up contention where there is none. Im saying dont ever be a doormat, or like many wives, youll find that your hubby starts treating you like a doormat too. Just dont be a doormat when people abuse you. We teach people how to ttreat us, and you cant even speak to defend your infant from insults, from family!!, then you get what you deserve/allow.

You can at least disagree. Got forbid, if your other kids hear it and think you agree with mil's comments. I mean really!

[Anonymous]

My MIL has gotten worse with her comments over the years - she thinks it's okay to be rude because I ignored her/smiled in the beginning (I wish you married my younger son instead of my older son; you're a lot bigger than I thought you were (I weighed 110 pounds, and she easily has 40 pounds on me); DS looks nothing like you (he's my twin) - he's handsome so he definitely looks like my side of the family; and on and on). She's an idiot. Like your MIL. You either need to smile and ignore or put her in her place.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't think I was very clear- I said t was only slightly hurtful and this was actually more of a funny/odd comment from MIL rather than one of her really bad ones, and I was just sharing it to vent and see what kind of weird stuff others' MIL say. I do see it as humorous, especially compared to some of the other family problems I have (giving their retirement away to a shady evangelist, pretending that terribly mentally ill SIL keeps getting hospitalized because she's "working really hard").

Anyway, DD has pretty small hands so that's what got to me. If she had huge hands it would be true but blunt, but since that's not the case it's just weird and funny. It's not a positive trait in their culture, either- women are supposed to be quiet and tiny. Sorry for not being clear but also, no need for the pile on, people!