Stuff my MIL says about my baby when she visits

[Anonymous]

Oh my mil is the queen of this - oh your dd is beautiful she looks just like dh - why do you let dd have bangs? Wow I thought DC would really have a weight problem when he was younger but gosh I guess he's really thinned out (referring to 6 mo baby!)

[Anonymous]

My MIL does the standard co-opting of features as coming from her side of the family, even when they are very obviously from me/my side. That IF she makes a comment about my children. Typically, all comments about my children are just a way to transition into talking about my SIL's kids.

[Anonymous]

DH was a state champion athlete in HS and a D1 college athlete, but never made it to the Olympics (MIL's dream). MIL constantly talks about our DS's Olympic chances in the same sport. Chances are he will be a math club nerd like me instead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has gotten worse with her comments over the years - she thinks it's okay to be rude because I ignored her/smiled in the beginning (I wish you married my younger son instead of my older son; you're a lot bigger than I thought you were (I weighed 110 pounds, and she easily has 40 pounds on me); DS looks nothing like you (he's my twin) - he's handsome so he definitely looks like my side of the family; and on and on). She's an idiot. Like your MIL. You either need to smile and ignore or put her in her place.

I don't see how any of this is offensive. If you were overweight and struggling with it, then the "thought you were bigger" comment would be rude. If you're 110 pounds, it is not. Good grief!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I was very clear- I said t was only slightly hurtful and this was actually more of a funny/odd comment from MIL rather than one of her really bad ones, and I was just sharing it to vent and see what kind of weird stuff others' MIL say. I do see it as humorous, especially compared to some of the other family problems I have (giving their retirement away to a shady evangelist, pretending that terribly mentally ill SIL keeps getting hospitalized because she's "working really hard").

Anyway, DD has pretty small hands so that's what got to me. If she had huge hands it would be true but blunt, but since that's not the case it's just weird and funny. It's not a positive trait in their culture, either- women are supposed to be quiet and tiny. Sorry for not being clear but also, no need for the pile on, people!

They do say weird shit. My mom told me husbands always marry people who look like their mother. When I said "my husband didn't" she said "yes he did".

My mil is five inches taller than me, 50 lbs heavier, usually has dirty hair, and has a mole on her face with a hair. She is also always scowling.

So it is moms, too.

[Anonymous]

My MIL would do this. She once told me that she hoped my son would one day develop eyebrows. WTH!

[Anonymous]

My MIL tends to speak before she thinks so a lot of horrible stuff comes out of her. I assume she doesn't mean it most of the time because I don't want to get involved. Usually I just raise my eyebrows or glare and she realizes she said something she shouldnt have.

[Anonymous]

When my DS was born, he looked exactly like my DH. Everyone -- nurses, friends, family -- commented on the resemblance. MIL insisted vehemently that the baby looked nothing like DH. The baby then made a grimacing face (probably passing gas or something) and MIL says, "See, that's a Mom face. You look just like your mom!"

Didn't hurt my feelings, but being completely sleep-deprived and exhausted from cooking meals for my ILs, I didn't really appreciate this little "joke" at my expense. Although she's right; I probably DID make that face after she made that joke.

[Anonymous]

My FIL keeps insisting that our baby has blue eyes "just like his daddy." My husband does not have blue eyes and hasn't since he himself was a baby born with blue eyes that changed, like many babies. So he had blue eyes maybe 35 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Most children show a combination of their parents genes and will have something the descends from each of their parents. It's also possible that a particular feature or characteristic can resemble both sides of the family. It is not unusual at all that each parent or grandparent will see the characteristics that come from their side or identify a particular trait as coming from their side, even if the other side sees it as coming from their side. The maternal grandmother's brother and the paternal grandfather's uncle may in fact have had similar such features.

I find it odd that people find it offensive when blood relatives on the other side of the family identify characteristics in children that they think comes from their side. They feel it develops a bond with the child. It's only a battle if you make it into one. I go out of my way to highlight and note all features that I think my children have that come from my spouse's side of the family. If they comment on something, I'll note it and comment on it the next time they are in hearing range. And I do the same with my family. Having grown up without extended family in my life, anything I can do to help build a bond between my children and their extended family, I will do.