Drama when I have to work on weekends
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Anonymous
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About 1 weekend per month, I have to work 6-7 hours during the weekend. I dislike it b/c it is disruptive to family life (children are 8 and 6), I'm exhausted, and gets me behind in household responsibilities like laundry etc.
Unfortunately, I don't have to option to change jobs or take a part time job because my job is fairly secure, and DH has very little job security. He is also in a field with limited employment options. In addition, I earn more than DH so if and when he is no longer employed, we will be depending entirely on my salary. Because I have job security and fortunately like my job, I feel it's important that do as much I can to fulfill all my obligations, deadlines, etc. Every time I need to work on the weekend, there is drama. I need to help DH get DC ready for soccer (DC already knows where her soccer gear is and how to put it on). he wants to take them hiking, I need to help him get the back pack ready with the water bottles and snacks. He wants to take them to the pool, I need to help him get the pool bag and change of clothes ready. The children act out and start fighting, I need to stop what I am doing to intervene, etc. etc. By the time I get started for the day on weekend, it's close to 4-5pm so I am up until 1-2 am finishing my work. One of the reasons I am behind is that he travelled for work for several weeks and I was managing drop off and pick up, took some vacation time to manage the logistics, etc. Then I am told I don't thank him enough for watching the children while I have to work. I am at my wits end that there is drama when I have to work late or on the weekends. I really need to focus on my job b/c we may be in a situation in a 1 or 2 years where we are primarily living on my income. I currently earn more than DH so we are very fortunate that I have the job that I have. |
Anonymous
| Don't work from home! Leave in the morning, go to a coffee shop or library, and come home when you are finished. Your DH and kids will figure it out while you are working. |
Anonymous
+1! |
Anonymous
| I agree with PP. When I have to work on the weekends I'm up by 6 and start while everyone is asleep and then head to the library when it opens to finish. Also wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My DH is the same way. I handle all the logistics all the time even when I'm out of town for work I leave clothing for the week and meals, etc. and he still says it's too much work. |
Anonymous
| Go to your office. You can't work from home when your family is home. Period. |
Anonymous
| Why should you "thank him" for "watching" his own children while you are WORKING? You aren't off on a spa weekend with your friends! If you can't leave your house to work, do you have a place where you can close the door? He's a grown man; he can organize the water bottles and soccer things, and the kids can help. Just keep out of it and tell him you need to work, and you'd rather not be up until 1:00 am because of all the unnecessary interruptions. |
Anonymous
This. Let the man child figure it out. No wonder he might one day be unemployed. What a dingus! |
Anonymous
| Maybe you could mention again that you earn more. |
Anonymous
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Maybe you could just not DO that stuff and he'll either do it or won't. So long as the kids are safe and happy (which they will be) it should be fine. If they forget towels, they'll be wet. If they forget water, they can use the water fountain. If the kids fight, get out of the way and let him take them to the emergency room.
And yes, go to the office if you are working from home on the weekends, even if you don't want to, at least for a while to get them used to the fact that you aren't going to be there to put out the fires. Your DH isn't a baby. Let him handle it. By packing their bags and breaking up fights you are treating your DH like a child as well. Do you want to be his mother or his wife? Because you are acting like he isn't an adult. |
Anonymous
| Just leave the house and let him handle it. They are old enough to tell him about soccer, and if he decides to take him hiking instead-oh well. |
Anonymous
| This is, you know, mostly your fault for not allowing your DH to be an adult. |
Anonymous
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I don't think going into the office is a good idea unless you have a very short commute.
Find the nearest coffee shop and go there. Do not get soccer gear or backpacks ready before you leave. They will figure it out. Do not pick up your phone or reply to texts that are not emergencies ex: "where is DD's water bottle?" If your DH makes comments about you not responding to texts or wanting a thank you for watching his own kids, don't engage in the moment. Just smile and move on to something else. When you guys are alone and things have calmed down have a conversation about division of labor. It's fair to bring up that it's standard for the person with the less demanding job to take on more family responsibilities, etc. Right now you're doing the bulk of both. That's untenable. |
Anonymous
| Just leave - go to a coworking space or the library if you don't want to go into work. If your DH can't get it together, your kids are old enough to organize their own pool and soccer gear. The 8 year old can help the 6 year old. |
Anonymous
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He is creating drama because he resents that you earn more and have more security.
Alternatively, or at the same time, he's not as organized and that's why he doesn't earn as much. |
Anonymous
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Yeah, the answer here is so obvious, I'm not sure why you haven't already tried it.
If DH wants to go hiking and swimming, let him figure out the logistics. You could get up early, do something nice like have breakfast ready for the family, and then leave while they are all still sleeping. Puttering around the house until dinner time in order to cater to your DH's learned helplessness, when you should be working, is ridiculous. |