Standoffish with attractive colleague

[Anonymous]

Please confirm this is the right thing to do. I am married and have become attracted to a colleague over time and am sorry to say I'm not as friendly with him as i would be if he weren't attractive. I think he would like to be friends but I never give out personal information unless directly asked. And I don't ask as much about his personal life as I otherwise would. It is sad because I could use more friends in the office but better safe than sorry? I know the answer but would appreciate hearing others' experiences.

[Anonymous]

Are you that impulsive that you don't think you can be friends with an attractive coworker? I'm super close with a guy coworker, who I crush on but leave it to only that because he's married. It's called understanding your boundaries, whether it's marriage boundaries or work boundaries. If you feel you'll cross a boundary, yes, no interaction. If it's only attraction and you can stay within the boundaries, become friends with him. As you see on this forum, even with the strongest of attractions, the person probably has a habit that will annoy you (making them not the Greek god you are creating in your head)

[Anonymous]

People in dcumlandia are so weird. Are you that incapable of interacting with attractive colleagues for fear of acting inappropriately? It's not hard to be friendly without flirting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please confirm this is the right thing to do. I am married and have become attracted to a colleague over time and am sorry to say I'm not as friendly with him as i would be if he weren't attractive. I think he would like to be friends but I never give out personal information unless directly asked. And I don't ask as much about his personal life as I otherwise would. It is sad because I could use more friends in the office but better safe than sorry? I know the answer but would appreciate hearing others' experiences.

I think you're showing more restraint than I've witnessed on this site before. yes, I think what you're doing is fine. I have had to do the same - basically freeze someone out a little who I know I'd end up horribly attracted to if I were allowed to get to know them better (or maybe that's the answer - get to know them and find out you DON'T like them). anyway, what you're doing is fine. Just don't be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please confirm this is the right thing to do. I am married and have become attracted to a colleague over time and am sorry to say I'm not as friendly with him as i would be if he weren't attractive. I think he would like to be friends but I never give out personal information unless directly asked. And I don't ask as much about his personal life as I otherwise would. It is sad because I could use more friends in the office but better safe than sorry? I know the answer but would appreciate hearing others' experiences.

I think you're showing more restraint than I've witnessed on this site before. yes, I think what you're doing is fine. I have had to do the same - basically freeze someone out a little who I know I'd end up horribly attracted to if I were allowed to get to know them better (or maybe that's the answer - get to know them and find out you DON'T like them). anyway, what you're doing is fine. Just don't be rude.

Agreed. OP think you are being wise. How many threads about the office AP do we see where it all started as an innocent friendship. You recognize the danger. As long as you are not rude I think you are okay.

I actually find it's better not to make close friends in the office it's easier to make job relate decisions.

[Anonymous]

As a longtime sufferer of office crushes and illicit romance, a hearty yes, you're doing the right thing. Lead not into temptation and all that.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. The friendship was starting to ramp up--more chats, more personal talk, a couple compliments. But we don't work on projects together, don't travel for work, and I don't do happy hours for family reasons so there is virtually no danger of anything happening.

[Anonymous]

I've done the same, op. It's a wise course of action.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you male or female?

[Anonymous]

Op, Your instinct is good. Keep going with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you male or female?

I'm female and of the age to be susceptible to an innocuous compliment

[Anonymous]

You are doing the 100% right thing. It is like that line in the movie The Village - he doesn't touch you because he doesn't want people to know how much he wants to touch you.

I have a work colleague that I really adore - we are totally each other's type, love each other's company, and are both happily married.

We almost never spend time alone. When at happy hour, we don't sit by each other. When on travel, we only go out as part of a group. Nothing has ever happened and nothing ever will, but I think we both care about our marriages enough to be mature and not venture into dangerous territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. The friendship was starting to ramp up--more chats, more personal talk, a couple compliments. But we don't work on projects together, don't travel for work, and I don't do happy hours for family reasons so there is virtually no danger of anything happening.

That is how office romances start, and they don't require work travel. You're doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Better safe than sorry makes a great deal of sense. You can certainly be friendly, but that doesn't mean you have to get personal. I was always friendly with people at work but I avoided asking too many personal questions. "Work" friends are different from "friend" friends.

[Anonymous]

you are doing the right thing. it's like dieting - much easier not to buy a box of cookies at the store then not to eat them once you bring them home.