Found out he's married.

[Anonymous]

Ugh.

We have been dating for 3 months. He is still technically married as his wife met a new man, kicked him (my current bf) out of the house and filed for divorce. Is there a difference in dating a married person who is actively divorcing vs dating a married person who is still going back home to his wife every night pretending he was working late? I feel like there is, but I also feel shocked that he is married.

[Anonymous]

I was there but the guy was still living at home. Turns out she never filed for divorce and he fed me a bunch of lies. I'd stay away from the situation, personally.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a difference between the two scenarios you mentioned, but only if the person is up front about it. The fact that you just found out after 3 months does not speak well for his integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between the two scenarios you mentioned, but only if the person is up front about it. The fact that you just found out after 3 months does not speak well for his integrity.

+ 100

That in itself is a huge red flag that this guy has zero issue keeping things from you.

He likely will continue to keep things from you if you remain with him.

When someone shows you who they are at the beginning, believe them.

[Anonymous]

Happened to me too. Surprise, they're still married. There's a reason he wasn't up front in the first place. Now he's drawn you in.

Sorry OP. It hurts, doesn't it? Let this one go.

[Anonymous]

If he lied to you (directly or through actions), end it.

[Anonymous]

OP - at three months, hopefully you haven't developed any deep feelings for him. He IS married and you will lose your self-respect if you stay in this (not to mention that you could spend your time now with someone who is single, available and without drama/dishonesty).

End it now. You don't want to look back on years with regret as he leaves you once again at night to go spend it with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between the two scenarios you mentioned, but only if the person is up front about it. The fact that you just found out after 3 months does not speak well for his integrity.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between the two scenarios you mentioned, but only if the person is up front about it. The fact that you just found out after 3 months does not speak well for his integrity.

Yep. The first of many lies.

[Anonymous]

I am separated yet living together, and I tell people within the first few days of talking to them, if not the first conversation. I know it's a awkward living situation open to misinterpretation so I'm very up front about it. The fact that he waited so long seems strange to me. I think there's a way to find out if divorce has been filed if you feel like chasing down the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am separated yet living together, and I tell people within the first few days of talking to them, if not the first conversation. I know it's a awkward living situation open to misinterpretation so I'm very up front about it. The fact that he waited so long seems strange to me. I think there's a way to find out if divorce has been filed if you feel like chasing down the truth.

+1

When I was dating while separated but still legally married, I also disclosed on the first date, if not sooner. I felt that some people might object to dating someone who was legally married and I didn't want to make anyone feel like they were doing something wrong by going out with me. I can't imagine waiting 3 months!

[Anonymous]

OP, I question why he waited so long to tell you. Was he hoping for a reconcilliation with her? If she kicked him out, what if she changes her mind and wants him back in a few months? I dont think you should invest any more of your time and heart into this person right now. You can stay in touch with him. But keep it casual until his divorce is completely over and then maybe you can get to know each other again.

[Anonymous]

I just think its a bad time to get seriously involved with someone while they are in the middle of a divorce. Unless its very, very clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just think its a bad time to get seriously involved with someone while they are in the middle of a divorce. Unless its very, very clean.

OP- I got involved with a guy in a similar situation but he was upfront with me about it early on, a couple of weeks in. The divorce was very ugly and stressful. I was there for him. Making sure that I was the perfect supportive girlfriend. Listening to all the drama, etc. He was very into me at the time and his actions and words pushed our relationship forward to a point I thought it was very serious and there would be a future. Once the divorce was over I noticed he was distant and he started backing off. He decided he wanted his freedom etc.... I think you get it. Not saying this will happen at all to you, just sharing what happened to me. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

honey, if he waited 3 months to tell you its because its a lie. Hopefully you have more self esteem than to get involved with someone like him.