Gave SAHM asked-for career advice: No response

[Anonymous]

My sister's friend, who I've never actually met (but was connected to via e-mail by my sister) asked me for some career advice. She's a SAHM is is looking to get back into some work in my field. Specifically, she wanted advice on freelance writing, which I had some great success with a few years ago. (I have since moved into a full-time position and don't do freelance now that I have a family, etc.)

I was happy to help her, and sent a long e-mail with tons of advice. These were all proven strategies that worked for me in the past, and my byline has appeared in some major publications. I even gave her the names of specific contacts. I gave her advice on her resume, which she asked for. I gave her story ideas tailored to her background.

Two weeks later, nothing. No acknowledgment that she received the e-mail, no thank you. I had even offered to take her to lunch to discuss further, and had been thinking of her for some positions and projects in my organization.

Just a silly vent, but how rude is that? I went out of my way to help her. Does this happen a lot? I would never ask for advice and help from a virtual stranger, and not say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Sorry that happened to you. Leave room for an email months or years from now that acknowledges where your advice took her. She's either busy implementing the plan you laid out, or has given it up entirely and is embarrassed.

You did a nice thing. Take satisfaction in that.

[Anonymous]

Very rude!

[Anonymous]

Could be a few different things. She may be completely overwhelmed and hasn't had time to respond (not great but still, an explanation). Could also be that she was (naively) hoping you're "guidance" would instead be "oh I have the following jobs you can do/have" rather than advice on what she needs to do to find work. Still, sucks to invest time in giving someone requested help and have them not acknowledge it or use it.

[doodlebug]

I've had this happen too and it sort of sucks but really all you can do is take satisfaction in knowing you made an effort to help. It's always possible that your sister gave you the wrong email address, or an old outdated one, or that it got filtered and sent to junk or something. Might not hurt to check in with your sister to see if the friend has mentioned getting it just to be sure there isn't a logical explanation such has she didn't actually get it.

[Anonymous]

I think PP is right, and she felt you were in a position to give her a job or a project. When you wrote back with advice on how to take further action on her part, she thought, "Forget that."

Definitely rude. But now you have that legwork of "the advice e-mail" done and ready to go for the next time someone asks you for advice and help. Hopefully, the next person will be polite and appreciative.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you have the right email?

If you're sure, then let it go. I've sent plenty of long laborious emails in the past that have gotten no acknowledgement. Please remember that when we do a good deed, it is an end in itself, not the gratitude of those we help!

[Anonymous]

I don't see why you had to mention that she was a SAHM in your post. Seems irrelevant and just opening yet another door to bash SAHMs.

I'm sorry that you helped a person out and didn't get a response but this could have happened with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you had to mention that she was a SAHM in your post. Seems irrelevant and just opening yet another door to bash SAHMs.

I'm sorry that you helped a person out and didn't get a response but this could have happened with anyone.

OP here. Again, I was a SAHM for three years. Maybe I should have put that in my original post, but my point was--this person has no recent experience, and no contact in a field where I have more recent experience and more contacts. In this particular part of life, freelance writing, she is starting from Ground Zero. So everything I gave her, including story pitches/ideas, was a huge leap forward for her. I think that's relevant. I think that's a bigger "gift" than, say, telling an attorney friend who's asking for potential client leads about a lead; presumably, she'd already have a base of clients and contacts.

[Anonymous]

Rude. But it could be she is overwhelmed with the info and doesn't know how to respond? Or life has been crazy - sick kids, DH traveling, and she's lost track of time? You'll just have to let it go and know that you did a nice thing. Maybe you'll hear from her in a week or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you have the right email?

If you're sure, then let it go. I've sent plenty of long laborious emails in the past that have gotten no acknowledgement. Please remember that when we do a good deed, it is an end in itself, not the gratitude of those we help!

OP here, good points. I did check with my sister. My sister's friend had responded to my sister's "I'm putting you two together" e-mail with a basic, "Thanks, looking forward to hearing from your sister!" So I know she got it, because it's all a connected gmail chain. My sister got the e-mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you had to mention that she was a SAHM in your post. Seems irrelevant and just opening yet another door to bash SAHMs.

I'm sorry that you helped a person out and didn't get a response but this could have happened with anyone.

OP here. Again, I was a SAHM for three years. Maybe I should have put that in my original post, but my point was--this person has no recent experience, and no contact in a field where I have more recent experience and more contacts. In this particular part of life, freelance writing, she is starting from Ground Zero. So everything I gave her, including story pitches/ideas, was a huge leap forward for her. I think that's relevant. I think that's a bigger "gift" than, say, telling an attorney friend who's asking for potential client leads about a lead; presumably, she'd already have a base of clients and contacts.

She's probably in over her head. Maybe she thought that writing is fun and I will try it because I don't want to go back to (xyz) but your email was an overwhelming eye opener to her, especially since you sound very accomplished and professional. It could happen to anyone. But she should say thanks, I don't think I can do this after all!

[Anonymous]

Did she ask for the help or did your sister manufacture this need? I'm imagining an off hand comment where your sister says, "you should talk to my sister, I'll connect you with her."

Because this has happened to me, I say, oh I'd love to be a dog trainer, it seems so interesting and fun! And a well
meaning, meddling helper type connects me with a contact and I'm all like, um, I wasn't serious.

Still it's rude not to reply with thank you.

[Anonymous]

R u sure your email didn't go to Spam? Did you have a subject line etc. One never knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you have the right email?

If you're sure, then let it go. I've sent plenty of long laborious emails in the past that have gotten no acknowledgement. Please remember that when we do a good deed, it is an end in itself, not the gratitude of those we help!

OP here, good points. I did check with my sister. My sister's friend had responded to my sister's "I'm putting you two together" e-mail with a basic, "Thanks, looking forward to hearing from your sister!" So I know she got it, because it's all a connected gmail chain. My sister got the e-mail.

Oh wow. I was ready to think it must've gone to her junk mail because no one could be so rude but I guess I was wrong.
Horrible, you have every right to be annoyed. I hope you won't let this stop you from offering advice and help in the future, this woman is not the norm!