Just got a phone for dd11, now what?

[Anonymous]

I feel absolutely nutty asking this question but before I actually let my dd use the phone, what do I need to install, be on the lookout for to keep her safe and the phone not used for bad purposes? It is a simple android Samsung phone via Verizon. In my mind, she should only be making calls, texting us and a few friends, using the internet sparingly. No facebook, etc. at this point.I know I should take the phone away at night, give her some verbal restrictions but do I need to put anything on the phone like blockers, etc.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

You'll get better answers on Teens and Tweens

[Anonymous]

Block Anthony Wiener's number?

[Anonymous]

Tell her the rules and do spot checks of her browsing history, texting, and apps installed.

I would recommend that you let her know upfront that you will know all passwords and can check the phone whenever you want. I read too many posts from parents that sneak and check their kids phones and then don't want to blow their cover when they find something they don't like. Don't make that mistake, let your kid know you will be checking it whenever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block Anthony Wiener's number?

Dying....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her the rules and do spot checks of her browsing history, texting, and apps installed.

I would recommend that you let her know upfront that you will know all passwords and can check the phone whenever you want. I read too many posts from parents that sneak and check their kids phones and then don't want to blow their cover when they find something they don't like. Don't make that mistake, let your kid know you will be checking it whenever you want.

Ditto. Per my job I'm a bit of an expert on this issue. I can tell you that every kid who has ended up in a bad situation because of social media or cell phones had parents did not monitor what apps an they were using and what they were posting/receiving. You dont have to be an overly, restrictive, crazy parent, just a firm and smart one.

You want to approve every app she downloads (before she downloads it) and have every password she uses. If, for some reason she puts something on her phone wihtout permission, or refuses to give you access or a password, you automatically repossess the phone. No question, not debate. Remind her the phone is your's, not her's, as long as you are paying the bills.

I have two teenagers and have not had any issues with them and their phones and they have had phones since middle school. I urge you to start out very strict about rules. You can always looseen them up as a reward at some point but its very hard to go in the opposite direction.

Instagram is a great first app for social media and it is very easy for you to monitor from your own phone just by downloading the app and opening her accout bon your own phone. I do that with both my kids. It gives you a window into their world.

I also would not use her phone as a punishment tool for non-phone related offenses. Lots of parents do that but it makes no sense. If she is responsible with her phone dont take it away because she is late for curfew or doesnt clean her room. Just li8ke the parenting advice whn ourt kids were little - make the punishment fit the crime and address the real issue.

I dont make my kids "turn in" their phones when they get home because, the truth is, kids can use lots of other electronics in your home to text and surf the internet and communicate with friendn and play games. There are better ways to monitor tour kids' behjaviors while they are in the house, like actually hanging out with them and having them do homework in a family space or adjacent room.

Hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

go to the settings, go to restrictions, enter a code that is not easy to crack and then set the restrictions to the level you want. Set the apps, so that when he wants to download any, you get a text to approve them or not.

[Anonymous]

I would not allow social media accounts like instagram at her age. Even if they are not doing anything inappropriate wit them, kids become obsessive over stuff like that. It becomes an enormous time suck. She may get into it eventually, but I think 11 is too young to start that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block Anthony Wiener's number?

Thread winner.

[Anonymous]

Write up a contract with her. Not joking. Google it.

[Anonymous]

I have loads of experience with kids getting in trouble with phones because of my job. I have a contract that we all signed. I have full access to the phone. She has to have my permission to download apps. I monitor her social media use and her texts. I don't intrude, but Indo keep an eye on things. I seem to be one of the few parents holding the line against snap chat -- again job related. Mine does check her phone in at night. I find it helps her go to sleep instead of staying up to see what is going on more than having her lap top available.

[Anonymous]

Our 11 yr old has an iPhone, so the settings are probably different, but this is more or less what I did to lock it down:

Turned off the App Store. She simply cannot download new apps. Prevents accidental downloads, as well as intentional. If she wants an app, she needs to get parental approval (mine, DH doesn't know the passcode). And she may have to pay for it, too (she gets iTunes gift cards from various relatives for Christmas).

Turned off the iTunes store for the same reason.

Turned off all app installation and deletion.

Set ratings limits for music, movies, etc.

Either turned off YouTube or set it to WiFi only (can be a major data hog if you aren't careful).

Set up text messages to filter anyone not in her contact list (goes to a separate tab).

Set Do Not Disturb hours.

No social media apps, unless you count text and email. The popular ones all require users to be 13 or older. We might make an exception soon for one or two.

We had her sign a contract with us about appropriate phone use. There are lots of examples online.

Lots of discussions of not doing anything online (including on the phone) that you wouldn't want the whole world to find out about / see. There is no such thing as a truly private exchange. The Post had an article in the last month or so about a teen who sexted and the devastating consequences. I had her read that, and we had some good discussions.

DD will tell you that sometimes it sucks to have a parent who has a clue about technology. But she also understands why. I have a lot of the same settings on my phone, too.

Oh, and put a passcode on the phone and have it auto lock. She doesn't want a classmate picking up her phone and sending messages from her account. That can get truly ugly.