Reply to Just got a phone for dd11, now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell her the rules and do spot checks of her browsing history, texting, and apps installed.

I would recommend that you let her know upfront that you will know all passwords and can check the phone whenever you want.  I read too many posts from parents that sneak and check their kids phones and then don't want to blow their cover when they find something they don't like.  Don't make that mistake, let your kid know you will be checking it whenever you want.[/quote]

Ditto.  Per my job I'm a bit of an expert on this issue.  I can tell you that every kid who has ended up in a bad situation because of social media or cell phones had parents did not monitor what apps an they were using and what they were posting/receiving.  You dont have to be an overly, restrictive, crazy parent, just a firm and smart one.

You want to approve every app she downloads (before she downloads it) and have every password she uses.  If, for some reason she puts something on her phone wihtout permission, or refuses to give you access or a password, you automatically repossess the phone.  No question, not debate.  Remind her the phone is your's, not her's, as long as you are paying the bills.

I have two teenagers and have not had any issues with them and their phones and they have had phones since middle school.  I urge you to start out very strict about rules.  You can always looseen them up as a reward at some point but its very hard to go in the opposite direction.

Instagram is a great first app for social media and it is very easy for you to monitor from your own phone just by downloading the app and opening her accout bon your own phone.  I do that with both my kids.  It gives you a window into their world.

I also would not use her phone as a punishment tool for non-phone related offenses.  Lots of parents do that but it makes no sense.  If she is responsible with her phone dont take it away because she is late for curfew or doesnt clean her room.  Just li8ke the parenting advice whn ourt kids were little - make the punishment fit the crime and address the real issue.

I dont make my kids "turn in" their phones when they get home because, the truth is, kids can use lots of other electronics in your home to text and surf the internet and communicate with friendn and play games.  There are better ways to monitor tour kids' behjaviors while they are in the house, like actually hanging out with them and having them do homework in a family space or adjacent room.

Hope this helps.[/quote]

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