Do you think we will see a massive uptick in women choosing to stay home after this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we as a society should focus more on flexible jobs for BOTH parents and on parents being able to take 1-2 years off to spend time with babies and transition seamlessly back.

\

BINGOOO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No would never not work. I want my daughters to know what an equal partnership looks like so that if and when they married they can expect the same equality and power in their relationship.

Do you define equality by paycheck?

I think equality between spouses is not determined by job status, it happens when there is mutual respect and a general agreement that partnership stakes are always 50/50 regardless of financial contribution. What if one person earns significantly more than the other?

The same can be said for power. If you determine that your paycheck gives you power in your relationship, what happens if you lose your job? Do you also lose your say in your marriage? Or if your partner loses their job? Are they then a lesser partner in your marriage?

Most people agree that rich people shouldn't have more power or say in the community just because they have money, but that is exactly how you are structuring your marriage. Your marriage is actually following the worst kind of capitalist structure - no matter what other factors are at play, money is the final and absolute determiner of power.

Ever since I went back to work, all my daughter sees is a miserable grouch who is always stressed and always tired. I wish I could go back to a life where I was creating art (low to no paycheck), reading a ton, and had the energy to actually be a decent parent and human being.

My spouse is my equal and partner no matter what I earn.

My husband had a midlife crisis. He was awful. Knowing that of course it would be difficult to leave but at least I wouldn't need to worry about supporting myself (or my kids) made it much easier for me to make an exit plan and make it clear I'd be pursuing it if I had to. The idea that money translates into power in a relationship isn't normative - I'm not saying that's a really great thing for how it should be. That's not 'how I choose to structure my marriage.' It's just a reality of how things operate, not when you and your spouse are on the same page but at some point if you're not. Depriotizing your own earnings in order to support your spouse and your family is a risk, unless you have wealth/savings in a way that most people don't. A lot of times it's a risk that pays off, sometimes it's not. If things get bad, a belief that you are equal partners is not going to make it so that you have the same stake in the relationship continuing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

My husband and I both work. When we have “recess” daddy goes out and plays basketball with them and we alternate making lunch etc. When they need help they ask us both - is anyone on call or in a meeting?

In this house we prioritize equality. And I’m raising sons who won’t expect their mom to to make Daddy’s martini. YMMV.

How would you feel if the husband was the SAHP? I work full-time, as does my husband, so we have chosen to prioritize equality in our household as well. There's nothing either of us can do that the other can't, although we tend to try to play towards our likes/dislikes and strengths/weaknesses when it comes to dividing things up. We personally did not make the decision to have a SAHP for many reasons, but it's ok if other people decide that it's best for them. I just wonder if people who are so against the notion of SAHMs would feel differently if instead a family had a SAHD.

I'm the poster you're responding to. I lack a degree of respect for any able-bodied adult who doesn't work outside the home and/or feel they need to pull their weight financially. That doesn't matter if the adult is male or female. That said, I think women staying home continue to propagate the idea that men make money and women do housework, which I think is so disrespectful to the generations of women who worked so hard for gender equality. When women leave the workforce to stay home with kids or say things like "I could never let someone else raise my children!" - while not realizing the working woman they're insulting could be, say, treating their child in a hospital one day - it just brings an entire generation of women down, and will make it that much harder for our daughters to be considered equals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

Of course your DH is happy. He wants you providing unpaid labor for the family so he can keep his daily life as close to normal as possible during this time. He doesn’t want to watch kids and deal with the daily requirements to keep up a house. That kind of work is for his wife. He tries to only perform work he gets paid for.

You’ve been fooled.

Are you kidding me, SAHM with kids in school is a very cushy life! There is plenty of leisure time mixed in with the “unpaid labor”. I woulda done it if it weren’t kinda brainless

Np. Wow, you are so rude! Who said being SAHM is “brainless.” You sound dumb yourself. I’m actually a WOHM and would love to stay at home if we could afford it. I have a SN kid who would have benefited from me being at home.

SN kid is different, need some skills and expertise for that... but SAH with average NT kids is brainless.

If my kid were SN I’d SAH unless it meant we would literally be on the street.

Well, that would be stupid and short sighted. I work to provide my SN child a trust, therapy, and school that would never be covered by insurance or the state.

I meant during the early years, 0-5 when all of the neural connections are being formed and the one-on-one attention makes the most difference.

And yet, oddly, there is no difference in outcome in longitudinal studies. Also, frankly, common sense will tell you this. I am around a lot of teens and I can't tell you who went to daycare as a toddler. I can tell you who I think has nasty parents, but there is no difference in SAH or WOH in that respect.

You people need to understand that children can be raised successfully in many different ways, not just the one single way that you approve.

Yeah, I don't really understand why SAHMs continue to tout this BS about how it's better for the kids long-term if a parents stays home. Not only have studies proven that false, but they've also indicated that the opposite may be true, at least when it comes to men who were raised by working mothers.

It's fine to stay home if you want. But don't pretend it's better for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a popular opinion, but I truly hope so. I think having a parent at home makes life less stressful for everyone. Unfortunately, we have created an economy that makes it difficult for most families. But if you can swing it, I think it’s so beneficial.

Having money makes life less stressful. My husband and I both work, but we de-stress our lives (during normal times) with a full-time nanny even though our kids are in elementary school, a maid, a gardener, grocery delivery (that part hasn't changed), and other conveniences that reduce our stress and allow us to spend family time without running errands or having to do too many things around the house. Right now, our lives would be infinitely less stressful if we had a SAHP, but I've never been so glad that we have two paychecks coming in right now. I'm glad it works for you, but I hope you can see that lots of people can make their lives easier without having one parent who stays at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

My husband and I both work. When we have “recess” daddy goes out and plays basketball with them and we alternate making lunch etc. When they need help they ask us both - is anyone on call or in a meeting?

In this house we prioritize equality. And I’m raising sons who won’t expect their mom to to make Daddy’s martini. YMMV.

How would you feel if the husband was the SAHP? I work full-time, as does my husband, so we have chosen to prioritize equality in our household as well. There's nothing either of us can do that the other can't, although we tend to try to play towards our likes/dislikes and strengths/weaknesses when it comes to dividing things up. We personally did not make the decision to have a SAHP for many reasons, but it's ok if other people decide that it's best for them. I just wonder if people who are so against the notion of SAHMs would feel differently if instead a family had a SAHD.

I'm the poster you're responding to. I lack a degree of respect for any able-bodied adult who doesn't work outside the home and/or feel they need to pull their weight financially. That doesn't matter if the adult is male or female. That said, I think women staying home continue to propagate the idea that men make money and women do housework, which I think is so disrespectful to the generations of women who worked so hard for gender equality. When women leave the workforce to stay home with kids or say things like "I could never let someone else raise my children!" - while not realizing the working woman they're insulting could be, say, treating their child in a hospital one day - it just brings an entire generation of women down, and will make it that much harder for our daughters to be considered equals.

Thanks for your response. I agree with you on the bolded that these women do a terrible disservice to all women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

Of course your DH is happy. He wants you providing unpaid labor for the family so he can keep his daily life as close to normal as possible during this time. He doesn’t want to watch kids and deal with the daily requirements to keep up a house. That kind of work is for his wife. He tries to only perform work he gets paid for.

You’ve been fooled.

Are you kidding me, SAHM with kids in school is a very cushy life! There is plenty of leisure time mixed in with the “unpaid labor”. I woulda done it if it weren’t kinda brainless

Np. Wow, you are so rude! Who said being SAHM is “brainless.” You sound dumb yourself. I’m actually a WOHM and would love to stay at home if we could afford it. I have a SN kid who would have benefited from me being at home.

SN kid is different, need some skills and expertise for that... but SAH with average NT kids is brainless.

If my kid were SN I’d SAH unless it meant we would literally be on the street.

Well, that would be stupid and short sighted. I work to provide my SN child a trust, therapy, and school that would never be covered by insurance or the state.

I meant during the early years, 0-5 when all of the neural connections are being formed and the one-on-one attention makes the most difference.

And yet, oddly, there is no difference in outcome in longitudinal studies. Also, frankly, common sense will tell you this. I am around a lot of teens and I can't tell you who went to daycare as a toddler. I can tell you who I think has nasty parents, but there is no difference in SAH or WOH in that respect.

You people need to understand that children can be raised successfully in many different ways, not just the one single way that you approve.

Yeah, I don't really understand why SAHMs continue to tout this BS about how it's better for the kids long-term if a parents stays home. Not only have studies proven that false, but they've also indicated that the opposite may be true, at least when it comes to men who were raised by working mothers.

It's fine to stay home if you want. But don't pretend it's better for your kids.

A happy mom is what's better for the kids. Not one who stays at home and gives up her career because she feels pressured into it.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Yes, it would be logistically easier, and so that makes it pretty tempting, but I've realized how much it has reduced stress during this time that both of us are employed (and can work from home). Not having to worry about finances in addition to all the other stuff we have to worry about has been great. We aren't rich, but the cushion of two incomes has been good to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we as a society should focus more on flexible jobs for BOTH parents and on parents being able to take 1-2 years off to spend time with babies and transition seamlessly back.

Couldn't agree more. I have been fortunate enough to scale back to 25 hours/week since having my kids 14 years ago and it's been great- I leave at 3pm and can do the afternoon activities, get errands done, dinner made, etc. I feel as productive as my peers (actually more productive than most) and my clients have no idea I'm not FT as I can take a quick call or send a quick note if I'm not in office.

[Anonymous]

The opposite for me. I feel bored and useless. I’m dying for work.

[Anonymous]

I am certainly happy that I am a SAHM and my family appreciates me being at home. This was true before the pandemic and it is true during the pandemic.

Would this pandemic see an uptick in women wanting to stay at home? I don't know. Who knows what other SAHMs or WOHMs are facing? I am not walking in their shoes. I am sure they will choose what ever works for their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

My husband and I both work. When we have “recess” daddy goes out and plays basketball with them and we alternate making lunch etc. When they need help they ask us both - is anyone on call or in a meeting?

In this house we prioritize equality. And I’m raising sons who won’t expect their mom to to make Daddy’s martini. YMMV.

How would you feel if the husband was the SAHP? I work full-time, as does my husband, so we have chosen to prioritize equality in our household as well. There's nothing either of us can do that the other can't, although we tend to try to play towards our likes/dislikes and strengths/weaknesses when it comes to dividing things up. We personally did not make the decision to have a SAHP for many reasons, but it's ok if other people decide that it's best for them. I just wonder if people who are so against the notion of SAHMs would feel differently if instead a family had a SAHD.

I'm the poster you're responding to. I lack a degree of respect for any able-bodied adult who doesn't work outside the home and/or feel they need to pull their weight financially. That doesn't matter if the adult is male or female. That said, I think women staying home continue to propagate the idea that men make money and women do housework, which I think is so disrespectful to the generations of women who worked so hard for gender equality. When women leave the workforce to stay home with kids or say things like "I could never let someone else raise my children!" - while not realizing the working woman they're insulting could be, say, treating their child in a hospital one day - it just brings an entire generation of women down, and will make it that much harder for our daughters to be considered equals.

Those previous generations of women didn't work towards an ideal of feminism that turned employment into a moral imperative. They did it for an ideal of choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

My husband and I both work. When we have “recess” daddy goes out and plays basketball with them and we alternate making lunch etc. When they need help they ask us both - is anyone on call or in a meeting?

In this house we prioritize equality. And I’m raising sons who won’t expect their mom to to make Daddy’s martini. YMMV.

How would you feel if the husband was the SAHP? I work full-time, as does my husband, so we have chosen to prioritize equality in our household as well. There's nothing either of us can do that the other can't, although we tend to try to play towards our likes/dislikes and strengths/weaknesses when it comes to dividing things up. We personally did not make the decision to have a SAHP for many reasons, but it's ok if other people decide that it's best for them. I just wonder if people who are so against the notion of SAHMs would feel differently if instead a family had a SAHD.

I'm the poster you're responding to. I lack a degree of respect for any able-bodied adult who doesn't work outside the home and/or feel they need to pull their weight financially. That doesn't matter if the adult is male or female. That said, I think women staying home continue to propagate the idea that men make money and women do housework, which I think is so disrespectful to the generations of women who worked so hard for gender equality. When women leave the workforce to stay home with kids or say things like "I could never let someone else raise my children!" - while not realizing the working woman they're insulting could be, say, treating their child in a hospital one day - it just brings an entire generation of women down, and will make it that much harder for our daughters to be considered equals.

Those previous generations of women didn't work towards an ideal of feminism that turned employment into a moral imperative. They did it for an ideal of choice.

Agree. I disagree with SAHM shaming as much as WOHM shaming. I just hope society will someday enable more flexible jobs and easier transitions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

My husband and I both work. When we have “recess” daddy goes out and plays basketball with them and we alternate making lunch etc. When they need help they ask us both - is anyone on call or in a meeting?

In this house we prioritize equality. And I’m raising sons who won’t expect their mom to to make Daddy’s martini. YMMV.

How would you feel if the husband was the SAHP? I work full-time, as does my husband, so we have chosen to prioritize equality in our household as well. There's nothing either of us can do that the other can't, although we tend to try to play towards our likes/dislikes and strengths/weaknesses when it comes to dividing things up. We personally did not make the decision to have a SAHP for many reasons, but it's ok if other people decide that it's best for them. I just wonder if people who are so against the notion of SAHMs would feel differently if instead a family had a SAHD.

I'm the poster you're responding to. I lack a degree of respect for any able-bodied adult who doesn't work outside the home and/or feel they need to pull their weight financially. That doesn't matter if the adult is male or female. That said, I think women staying home continue to propagate the idea that men make money and women do housework, which I think is so disrespectful to the generations of women who worked so hard for gender equality. When women leave the workforce to stay home with kids or say things like "I could never let someone else raise my children!" - while not realizing the working woman they're insulting could be, say, treating their child in a hospital one day - it just brings an entire generation of women down, and will make it that much harder for our daughters to be considered equals.

Those previous generations of women didn't work towards an ideal of feminism that turned employment into a moral imperative. They did it for an ideal of choice.

Such a naive statement. Google choice feminism and get back to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No would never not work. I want my daughters to know what an equal partnership looks like so that if and when they married they can expect the same equality and power in their relationship.

I hope you’re not disappointed in your daughters if they decide to stay home one day. That’s a lot of pressure to put on them.