Reply to Do you think we will see a massive uptick in women choosing to stay home after this?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No would never not work. I want my daughters to know what an equal partnership looks like so that if and when they married they can expect the same equality and power in their relationship.[/quote]

Do you define equality by paycheck?

I think equality between spouses is not determined by job status, it happens when there is mutual respect and a general agreement that partnership stakes are always 50/50 regardless of financial contribution.  What if one person earns significantly more than the other?

The same can be said for power.  If you determine that your paycheck gives you power in your relationship, what happens if you lose your job?  Do you also lose your say in your marriage? Or if your partner loses their job?  Are they then a lesser partner in your marriage?

Most people agree that rich people shouldn't have more power or say in the community just because they have money, but that is exactly how you are structuring your marriage. Your marriage is actually following the worst kind of capitalist structure - no matter what other factors are at play, money is the final and absolute determiner of power.

Ever since I went back to work, all my daughter sees is a miserable grouch who is always stressed and always tired.  I wish I could go back to a life where I was creating art (low to no paycheck), reading a ton, and had the energy to actually be a decent parent and human being.

My spouse is my equal and partner no matter what I earn.[/quote]

My husband had a midlife crisis. He was awful. Knowing that of course it would be difficult to leave but at least I wouldn't need to worry about supporting myself (or my kids) made it much easier for me to make an exit plan and make it clear I'd be pursuing it if I had to. The idea that money translates into power in a relationship isn't normative - I'm not saying that's a really great thing for how it should be. That's not 'how I choose to structure my marriage.' It's just a reality of how things operate, not when you and your spouse are on the same page but at some point if you're not. Depriotizing your own earnings in order to support your spouse and your family is a risk, unless you have wealth/savings in a way that most people don't. A lot of times it's a risk that pays off, sometimes it's not. If things get bad, a belief that you are equal partners is not going to make it so that you have the same stake in the relationship continuing. [/quote]

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