Honestly: is 41 too old to have a baby?

[Anonymous]

I'm 37 and about to have #2. I plan to have a third and would like a nice 3-4 year age gap so I'll probably be 41 when/if we have our #3.

I come from a long line of women who had lots of babies well into their 40s so to me its no big deal to have a baby at 41.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is way too old. You have a greater risk of having a Down Syndrome's baby. My dad was 42 when we were born. It was gross having an older dad than everyone else. Too, it is selfish. You won't be around for your grandkids. Why not adopt a child who needs parents and is already here?

Did you grow up in small town Utah or something? Because a 42 year old dad is pretty normal/common here in NW DC. Definitely not 'older than everyone else."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is way too old. You have a greater risk of having a Down Syndrome's baby. My dad was 42 when we were born. It was gross having an older dad than everyone else. Too, it is selfish. You won't be around for your grandkids. Why not adopt a child who needs parents and is already here?

Did you grow up in small town Utah or something? Because a 42 year old dad is pretty normal/common here in NW DC. Definitely not 'older than everyone else."

I'm 42 YO dad, and my oldest is 13 and younger 2 are both almost 7. Its a good fit. Be good to be a bit younger, but hey, is what it is.

[Anonymous]

I had my first and only at 45. Later than I would have liked, but it is what it is. Both my grandmothers had the last of their many children in their mid-forties.

[Anonymous]

Have kids when you gave them, earlier is better, but you can’t plan everything in life. Kids make everything better (if you like kids). My mom had me in 1976 at age 38, then considered old. I’m so glad I had her until 4 years ago. She died at 78 when I was 40, saw her grandchildren and was a very loving and involved grandma. V

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to have a second but I just feel that 41 is too old. Maybe not now but I bet I'll really feel it in my mid-50s. To those who have the life experience, what are your thoughts?

I as my second at 43. So glad I did! I am feeling my age now a few years later, but I can still keep up. Toddler years are short.

[Anonymous]

My mom has me at 35 and her parents had her when they were 35 (mom) and 44 (dad), which meant my maternal grandfather was elderly by the time I was a toddler, he couldn’t drive and could barely walk, and he unfortunately died when I was 10. Same deal with my paternal grandparents; except they were so old they were dead by 4th birthday. Just something to think about if you were born to old parents and will be an old parent!

[Anonymous]

IMO, your body will tell you when you are too old to conceive. I had my first and only at 43. Our lives are wonderful. Do what YOU want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is way too old. You have a greater risk of having a Down Syndrome's baby. My dad was 42 when we were born. It was gross having an older dad than everyone else. Too, it is selfish. You won't be around for your grandkids. Why not adopt a child who needs parents and is already here?

Did you grow up in small town Utah or something? Because a 42 year old dad is pretty normal/common here in NW DC. Definitely not 'older than everyone else."

Do you enjoy insulting my son? One does not have a greater "risk" of having a child with Down Syndrome. But you may have a greater *opportunity* for living with the kindest happiest child of all your children. Educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom has me at 35 and her parents had her when they were 35 (mom) and 44 (dad), which meant my maternal grandfather was elderly by the time I was a toddler, he couldn’t drive and could barely walk, and he unfortunately died when I was 10. Same deal with my paternal grandparents; except they were so old they were dead by 4th birthday. Just something to think about if you were born to old parents and will be an old parent!

And my dad was in his early 30s when I was born and he died when I was in HS and my brother was still in elementary school. Yet my grandmother didn't pass away til I was almost 40 and she was in great health well into her 90s. Just something to think about!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid’s perspective. Mom was 40 and Dad was 45 when I was born.

Things I remember...

I knew/realized they were older, especially in the town where I grew up where older parents were quite uncommon. But age, in and of itself, did not seem to matter regarding day-to-day parenting.

My mom and dad had a terrible marriage; mom was deeply depressed and unhappy. However, I don't think their age impacted that based on reports from my much older siblings.

Had a wonderful relationship with my dad. I did always worry that he was "older," and that he would die “too soon.” (I was a worrier as a kid and still am.) Got really pissed a few times when I was young and people thought he was my grandpa. But in the grand scheme of parental relationships, I don't think these things were a big deal.

My dad died when I was 28. It was crushing and awful. I still miss him 12 years later. I wish he met my kids. But I wouldn't change who my dad was for anyone, and I certainly don't begrudge that he had me later in life. I'm so, so, so thankful for the 28 years I had with him.

At the end of the day if you love your kids while you are here, and give them the support and structure they need, I honestly don’t think 25 v. 35 v. 45 matters.

Ever occur to you that your mom was deeply depressed and unhappy because she had her kids so late in life and at that time cut off from her friends and relatives whose kids were grown and out of the nest. Do you think she wanted to be at an Elementary school PTA meeting when she was 50 and your dad 55?
Ever think your dear dad might have worked himself to death supporting you? Still with kids in high school at 65? Still paying for college in his late 60s? Sounds restful to me. No wonder he finally rested at age 73. Sounds like he just barely got you through college, assuming you did go to college. He had 5 years not supporting you! Dear old Dad and depressed old Mom!
No, age doesn't make a difference when all you think about is yourself.

I can say yes this happened to my DH. Very hard on everyone. Kids had dad die when they were young. No grandparents. Much older parents. Many doctor visits. Dear old Dad DID die. Dear old Mom is a wreck. 45 IS old to have a baby. You don’t know what health surprises await in your mid 50s.

[Anonymous]

I’m not being cruel saying it is too old. What’s cruel is that we DO age. And people DO get ill. Everyone I know who had children in their 40s is putting their kids through their parents health issues. There are always exceptions but this is what I see as an older mom with DC in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not being cruel saying it is too old. What’s cruel is that we DO age. And people DO get ill. Everyone I know who had children in their 40s is putting their kids through their parents health issues. There are always exceptions but this is what I see as an older mom with DC in college.

I don't understand your point. That we all get old/sick/die one day?

[Anonymous]

I didn't have enough money until I was 43 to have a child. So, that's when i had one.

[Anonymous]

Let's rewrite this in a positive way: Dear old Dad, God rest him, went to work every day for 45 years supporting his large family of 7 kids until, sadly he stroked out and died. but at least everyone had a college education.
As for mom, bless her heart, after she got the first one through college, she had a love affair with the bottle, and turned the parenting over to the younger ones. She, it and TV had a grand old relationship, particularly after dear old dad passed.
But she had three kids in her 40s -- go Big Mama!

This could be our family story. Could have written it myself.