Separate bedrooms
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
For the last year DH and I have been sleeping in separate bedrooms. It started when one of our larger dogs needed a surgery and was confined to our first floor. Recovery time was 3 months and I would sleep in the room with him. After the recovery, I never moved back into our bedroom to sleep. I still have all my clothes in the closet of the master and use the master bath to shower, brush my teeth, make up etc.. We still have sex at least once if not twice a week. We do not have children. When family or friends visit (5-6 times a year) I sleep back in the master with him. Why dont I just move back in full time? Few reasons- 1. DH and I are on different schedules. I always went to bed about 2 hours before him and up about 2 hours earlier in the morning. He would wake me up when getting in bed. If I wake up in the middle of the night I like to put the TV on to fall back asleep-this has always been a problem for him. I have done that since I was a teenager and its difficult for me to fall asleep without any background noise, he likes silence. 2. I get really hot at night ( Im in my mid 40s and think its only going to get worse.) 3. He snores, loud.
I never thought it was bad until I had lunch with some coworkers. The one man there thought it was a great situation. After lunch, when I was alone with my boss, she told me that she was concerned and eventually she thought it would lead to a disconnect between us. "We are missing out on pillow talk." We never really had that because of our schedules. Also DH has never been a morning nookie person unfortunately, so not missing out on that since it never happened before. We are affectionate. Hugs and kisses hello, good bye and good night. I should also add that in the master bedroom we only have a queen size bed. It was expensive and we bought it 3 years ago when we were in a smaller place. I dont want to buy a king yet because we are planning to move again next summer and we would like to buy a new bedroom set with a king then. We have had to move frequently with the military but he retires next year and we are going to be living permanently down south. I feel its a temporary situation until we have the comfort of a more spacious bed. DH opinion is that I can sleep with him any night I want but if I am more comfy in the other bed for now then he is fine with it. Also noting him being in the military, we have spent months, even over a year apart once so I was used to not sleeping together all the time. Boss thinks thats all the more reason to be together now. He won't be deployed before retirement again, so not worried about him being away for long periods of time anymore. Is this so weird and do you think we are heading towards a disconnect in the future? |
Anonymous
Your boss is a moron. Sounds like you guys are doing just fine. Good on you for finding an arrangement that works for you. |
Anonymous
| OP here- I apologize, Im new to DCUM and didnt think to do a search on this topic. Sorry for repeating a topic if its been discussed recently. |
Anonymous
| We sleep in separate bedrooms. I work late hours so I go to bed late and wake up at 9am. No use in me tossing and turning and waking up DW (light sleeper) when I come in for bed at night. Sex is fine- we do that in afternoons and evenings depending on our schedule. |
Anonymous
| It's weird that your boss would provide her thoughts on the matter. |
Anonymous
| We sleep in separate bedrooms too. DH is an extremely light sleeper. He needs to be in his own room. |
Anonymous
| Boss is crossing boundaries for sure. You sound fine so long as you both are fine with it. |
Anonymous
| My husband and I sleep together sometimes and apart sometimes, so I have nothing to say about the larger issue. But I just figured I'd recommend "sleep phones" which are headphones embedded into a headband. When my husband is in bed with me, I sleep with them plugged into my iPhone, so I can listen to Netflix to fall back asleep. He sometimes uses his sleep phones to listen to white noise or sometimes he just runs the white noise audibly in our room and I drown it out with my sleep phones. So that's a strategy for overcoming the sound issues if and when you choose to share a room again. Not saying you need to. |
Anonymous
|
This is very common.
That said, it does kill sexual intimacy eventually. |
Anonymous
| DW and I have slept in separate rooms for about 10 years now. I admit Im sure it cuts into potential alone time, but we wouldn't have any sex if neither of of had a chance to sleep. She's a light sleeper, Im a heavy sleeper move around a bunch and also wake very early |
Anonymous
| Do not share personal info like this with your boss. |
Anonymous
OP here. We are very good friends and were before I worked directly for her. I have fallen into a habit of calling her "my boss" because she has the same name as my sister. |
Anonymous
|
Two of the longest married and happiest couples I know have separate bedrooms. Both are not the #blessed type of couples - they are the kind of REAL, happy, move easily with and around each other kind of couples. One just celebrated 15 years together, the other is rounding 30.
I think it's important that couples find what works for THEM and not worry about naysayers. Just because not sharing a bed isn't the social norm doesn't mean it can't be a means to happily sharing a life. Work with it if it works for you! |
Anonymous
|
30 year marriage here, we have had separate bedrooms for 20 years. He's on one side of the house, I'm on the other. There is no loss of intimacy in our home. NONE.
We both sleep better apart because we're opposite kinds of people. He had a harder time understanding my need to sleep alone but after a while, he understood. I will never share another bed with anyone. |
Anonymous
| OP, it seems like it's fine for you guys! I would love my own bedroom. |