When is it okay to "settle"?

[Anonymous]

Is there ever a point in a woman's life where seeking a romantic partnership is more important than meeting all the requirements of her checklist for her ideal mate?

I have a nice sweet guy who does everything for me. We have some major communication issues and I do not feel that he "gets" me. Also his family is awful. However, he is proposing marriage and I am 30. I could be happy here. I really do not want to be single again as the last time I was single, I had major trouble meeting guys and this was me in my early twenties!

[Anonymous]

Don't settle, but don't fixate on some pie-in-the-sky checklist either. Huge red flags this guy is not right for you, and you have time to meet someone else.

[Anonymous]

All those negatives you just listed will only get worse after marriage. You're going to be in for one hell of a ride, better buckle up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever a point in a woman's life where seeking a romantic partnership is more important than meeting all the requirements of her checklist for her ideal mate?

I have a nice sweet guy who does everything for me. We have some major communication issues and I do not feel that he "gets" me. Also his family is awful. However, he is proposing marriage and I am 30. I could be happy here. I really do not want to be single again as the last time I was single, I had major trouble meeting guys and this was me in my early twenties!

That just screams "Don't get married"

If he doesn't get you now or make the effort try, why would be bother after you are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever a point in a woman's life where seeking a romantic partnership is more important than meeting all the requirements of her checklist for her ideal mate?

I have a nice sweet guy who does everything for me. We have some major communication issues and I do not feel that he "gets" me. Also his family is awful. However, he is proposing marriage and I am 30. I could be happy here. I really do not want to be single again as the last time I was single, I had major trouble meeting guys and this was me in my early twenties!

No, you could not be happy here. Don't settle. Break up and move on.

Find someone it's easy to communicate with, who gets you, whose family you at least respect. That's most important. Other stuff (height, weight, hobbies, etc.) always takes backseat to that.

[Anonymous]

Why did you have trouble meeting guys and why is his family bad?

[Anonymous]

It would not be fair to this man to marry him. Your heart is not in it. If you had problems when you were single, you need to do therapy around that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't settle, but don't fixate on some pie-in-the-sky checklist either. Huge red flags this guy is not right for you, and you have time to meet someone else.

You're 30, not dead. I was told by my already married younger sister that I shouldn't be single after 35. So, I found someone who seemed to meet a lot of my criteria but had some serious red flags (including major conflict with my family, family dysfunction of their own, and, as it turned out, a serious drinking problem). I thought all of those could be fixed and would get better once we were married. I was wrong. Two very bad years later we separated.

After that I met someone fantastic. We dated, got married and have wonderful children.

Pay attention to the red flags, but also think about your criteria. Think about what are "nice to haves" vs "must haves" and then apply a realism filter to it.

[Anonymous]

You "settle" on the things that don't really matter in the long run. You never "settle" on the things that will have a major impact on the quality of your marriage.

So you settle on things like he's bald (but you still find him sexy) or he doesn't have a high powered job (but he still has a job and makes 'enough' money) or you like to vacation at the beach and he likes the mountains.

But things like communication and family--you will be miserable. Do not marry this guy because you are afraid that he's your last chance at marriage. Fear never helped anyone make a good decision!

Make peace with being single forever. Then when you meet someone who is better than being single, you know you have the right person.

PS- if you think there is nothing worse than being single forever, talk to someone in a miserable marriage or a divorced and not able to see their kid 50% of the time. There are much worse places to be than single!

[Anonymous]

If you have to ask this question, then you do not love him enough to marry him. And that is very unfair to him as well as yourself. You are still very young ... all kinds of time left to find the right someone or be happy being true to yourself alone. Trust me ... a bad marriage is NOT better than no marriage at all. Just talk to your friends who have gone through the pain of divorce. It is not pretty.

[Anonymous]

No, No, No! My husband "gets" me and I love his family and we have minor communication issues. And it's been rough lately! And we started from being madly in love. If you have these questions before you've even gotten married, you will be MISERABLE later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You "settle" on the things that don't really matter in the long run. You never "settle" on the things that will have a major impact on the quality of your marriage.

So you settle on things like he's bald (but you still find him sexy) or he doesn't have a high powered job (but he still has a job and makes 'enough' money) or you like to vacation at the beach and he likes the mountains.

But things like communication and family--you will be miserable. Do not marry this guy because you are afraid that he's your last chance at marriage. Fear never helped anyone make a good decision!

Make peace with being single forever. Then when you meet someone who is better than being single, you know you have the right person.

PS- if you think there is nothing worse than being single forever, talk to someone in a miserable marriage or a divorced and not able to see their kid 50% of the time. There are much worse places to be than single!

This, exactly.

[Anonymous]

If you want to have two kids the age to "settle" is not much later than 30.

[Anonymous]

Sticking to a checklist of the ideal mate is a good way to screw up your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to have two kids the age to "settle" is not much later than 30.

Although harder, there is no societal requirement that one be married to have kids. If you want kids, you can still have them.