When is it okay to "settle"?

[Anonymous]

Nonononononononononononononononononono!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "settle" on the things that don't really matter in the long run. You never "settle" on the things that will have a major impact on the quality of your marriage.

So you settle on things like he's bald (but you still find him sexy) or he doesn't have a high powered job (but he still has a job and makes 'enough' money) or you like to vacation at the beach and he likes the mountains.

But things like communication and family--you will be miserable. Do not marry this guy because you are afraid that he's your last chance at marriage. Fear never helped anyone make a good decision!

Make peace with being single forever. Then when you meet someone who is better than being single, you know you have the right person.

PS- if you think there is nothing worse than being single forever, talk to someone in a miserable marriage or a divorced and not able to see their kid 50% of the time. There are much worse places to be than single!

This poster summed it up very well

Yup, previous poster is spot on. I would say 100% don't marry him when you have major communication issues. If you think it could be immaturity/being educated on how to communicate, then it *may* be worth trying to work thru it either on your own or with professional help like a counselor prior to getting married/putting down deposits. Usually people just walk away from those types of things if they aren't married and-or don't have kids together. You would really have to believe he was worth the effort to try to turn it around ..and it shouldn't be out of fear of not meeting anyone else.

With family, it is all about how he deals with his family and if he stands up to them. If he is willing to put you first, shield you from their crazy/drama, and walk away if it is too toxic then again if you think he is worth it, it could work out. If he folds like a cheap suit with his families and expects you to put up with it because "that's how they are", then no way. I wouldn't even try to change his mind on that because he either needs to find some other woman that will be a doormat for his family or be determined to show backbone but I for sure can't make someone see what they don't want to see of do something they don't want to do ...especially with something as big as how you deal with family.

[Anonymous]

Every day you stay with this guy is a day that you aren't available for meeting a guy that's a better fit. Also, as hard as it may be for you to be single, it's far more difficult to be married to the wrong guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "settle" on the things that don't really matter in the long run. You never "settle" on the things that will have a major impact on the quality of your marriage.

So you settle on things like he's bald (but you still find him sexy) or he doesn't have a high powered job (but he still has a job and makes 'enough' money) or you like to vacation at the beach and he likes the mountains.

But things like communication and family--you will be miserable. Do not marry this guy because you are afraid that he's your last chance at marriage. Fear never helped anyone make a good decision!

Make peace with being single forever. Then when you meet someone who is better than being single, you know you have the right person.

PS- if you think there is nothing worse than being single forever, talk to someone in a miserable marriage or a divorced and not able to see their kid 50% of the time. There are much worse places to be than single!

This poster summed it up very well

This is the most idiotic advice ever. OP is not entitled to the best of everything in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You "settle" on the things that don't really matter in the long run. You never "settle" on the things that will have a major impact on the quality of your marriage.

So you settle on things like he's bald (but you still find him sexy) or he doesn't have a high powered job (but he still has a job and makes 'enough' money) or you like to vacation at the beach and he likes the mountains.

But things like communication and family--you will be miserable. Do not marry this guy because you are afraid that he's your last chance at marriage. Fear never helped anyone make a good decision!

Make peace with being single forever. Then when you meet someone who is better than being single, you know you have the right person.

PS- if you think there is nothing worse than being single forever, talk to someone in a miserable marriage or a divorced and not able to see their kid 50% of the time. There are much worse places to be than single!

This poster summed it up very well

This is the most idiotic advice ever. OP is not entitled to the best of everything in life.

Expecting good communication isn't being entitled to the "best of everything in life." It's the bare minimum for any successful marriage.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. I did. 5 years and 2 kids later, I'm that miserable woman who takes a break from work to cry in my car. Just don't. I tried to settle on major red flags. I was 29 at the time. Major major mistake. People don't change.

[Anonymous]

OP, you still have time. If you were 39, maybe it would be different. Even then, though, I wouldn't recommend marrying a guy with whom you have major communication issues and whose family you dislike.

There is a big difference between not expecting near-perfection and not settling for someone with whom you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Everyone settles.. That's life.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's ever ok to settle but I think most women do because their biological clock is ticking.