When is it okay to "settle"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to have two kids the age to "settle" is not much later than 30.

Plenty of people conceive after 35 without much difficulty and have 3+ kids after 30. Rapid decline in fertility begins after ~ age 37, before that it is pretty gradual. And half of 25% is not 15%, that chart interpretation is pretty questionable to begin with.

[Anonymous]

OP, you settle when you overlook certain aspects that don't really matter in a relationship but will impress your friends.

You don't settle by overlooking the things that matter in a relationship, such as communication issues, family, etc.

[Anonymous]

I would personally feel fine "settling" on the family issues as long as he's on your side (it's really difficult to find a smart, handsome, funny kind man who wants to have children, loves or at least overlooks your quirks and flaws, and ALSO has an amazing family you want to be part of) but not on the communication issues.

[Anonymous]

You have to be in love with the man, for god sakes!!

Settle on superficial things, but not on how he makes you feel.

[Anonymous]

Girl, you are 30. Relax. If you are worried that you will never find someone then you need to work on your self esteem. a relationship I was in ended a few months before I turned 30. I had to go out and find a social life. I did and had a lot of fun. Dated. Focused on myself. Met my DH at 34. Married at 36. Stop thinking about where you should be at this age and focus on you so you can attract the right guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever a point in a woman's life where seeking a romantic partnership is more important than meeting all the requirements of her checklist for her ideal mate?

I have a nice sweet guy who does everything for me. We have some major communication issues and I do not feel that he "gets" me. Also his family is awful. However, he is proposing marriage and I am 30. I could be happy here. I really do not want to be single again as the last time I was single, I had major trouble meeting guys and this was me in my early twenties!

This alone will destroy you. Do not even consider this. The rest is not really serious, unless he's close to his family and there will be no way of avoiding them. But communication issues only get worse.

Learn how to enjoy life single and then you will never be forced to "settle" for a crappy relationship because you'll be open only to meeting people who improve your life, not drag you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever a point in a woman's life where seeking a romantic partnership is more important than meeting all the requirements of her checklist for her ideal mate?

I have a nice sweet guy who does everything for me. We have some major communication issues and I do not feel that he "gets" me. Also his family is awful. However, he is proposing marriage and I am 30. I could be happy here. I really do not want to be single again as the last time I was single, I had major trouble meeting guys and this was me in my early twenties!

That just screams "Don't get married"

If he doesn't get you now or make the effort try, why would be bother after you are married.

Don't do it, don't do it.

[Anonymous]

I didn't meet DH until my late 30's and got married at 40. We had fertility issues and it took us several years and moving on to Donor Egg to have a child. But totally worth the wait. DH is totally perfect for me (not perfect, but perfect for me). I was sad I had to move on to DE, but worth it to have the husband and marriage that I have.

The friends that panicked at early to mid 30's are all now miserable. They either have horrible soul sucking marriages or went through horrible divorces with massive custody battles.

I made peace in my mid-30's that I would be alone forever and never have children. When I met DH, he was such a bonus to my life. I feel so lucky that we met and fell in love.

My friend who panicked and married a not quite right (but not horrible) guy is just a shell of a woman now. She has a child, but is raising her in a home that is filled with tension and hatred. She hates her home life, but for financial reasons is stuck. She is beyond miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All those negatives you just listed will only get worse after marriage. You're going to be in for one hell of a ride, better buckle up.

+1 OP, I could have written your post! I think communication is everything in a marriage. I settled and we had major communication issues with him and his family was complete shit. It sounds so mean that you are thinking of settling out of fear. I did that. That's never a good reason. Marry him because you can't imagine living without him, not because you are 30 and worried you won't find another guy. GL!

[Anonymous]

Never EVER sell yourself short in life on ANYTHING.

You deserve the best of everything and to accept Plan B just because you feel like your options are exhausted is one of the worst thing that you can do for yourself.

You're only thirty OP!!
You still have plenty of time ahead of you to meet someone great.

So no......Do not settle by any means!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never EVER sell yourself short in life on ANYTHING.

You deserve the best of everything and to accept Plan B just because you feel like your options are exhausted is one of the worst thing that you can do for yourself.

You're only thirty OP!!
You still have plenty of time ahead of you to meet someone great.

So no......Do not settle by any means!!!!

Not that she should necessarily marry, but what purpose does it serve to tell her to never!!!! settle!!!! without also telling her how to make never settling work? Does God provide? Will you message OP the location of a guy worth not settling for who isn't already up to his ears in hot pieces of ass? I assume there is a supply-and-demand issue; plenty of (older) women who refuse to settle, plenty of very single women, all competing for a few Ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to be in love with the man, for god sakes!!

Settle on superficial things, but not on how he makes you feel.

This. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You "settle" on the things that don't really matter in the long run. You never "settle" on the things that will have a major impact on the quality of your marriage.

So you settle on things like he's bald (but you still find him sexy) or he doesn't have a high powered job (but he still has a job and makes 'enough' money) or you like to vacation at the beach and he likes the mountains.

But things like communication and family--you will be miserable. Do not marry this guy because you are afraid that he's your last chance at marriage. Fear never helped anyone make a good decision!

Make peace with being single forever. Then when you meet someone who is better than being single, you know you have the right person.

PS- if you think there is nothing worse than being single forever, talk to someone in a miserable marriage or a divorced and not able to see their kid 50% of the time. There are much worse places to be than single!

This poster summed it up very well

[Anonymous]

If you're up for it, you can give yourself a couple of years to resolve the communication issues, but DO NOT get married unless that's figured out.

FWIW, my DH and I had some issues early on, and we worked them out prior to marriage/kids. In retrospect, not only did it improve the marriage, but it would have been hell trying to figure the issues out while being parents. We could have never lasted. It was hard enough with us being on same page.

[Anonymous]

I will settle on looks, but not if he's financially unstable.