Getting divorced and need financial reboot. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I am in my late 40s and am in the process of getting divorced. We have one DC in elementary school. I work p/t and have joint custody with STBX. DC is with me more than three quarters of the time, if you factor in not just the overnights but also the weekday afternoon hours after I pick him up from school, and the summer weeks when he's not in camps. I don't yet know what our final divorce settlement will look like. I may get some retirement money from STBX, who earns about four times more than me, but I don't feel that I can count on it. I also don't know how much child support I will get; STBX has thrown out a figure that won't even come close to covering the gap between my earnings and outlays (let alone leave me with any buffer to save for any big unexpected purchases or emergencies in the near/medium term, and for retirement), and because of his income, we're just over the threshold at which the child support calculator applies, so I have no idea what the courts will ultimately decide, if this ends up going to court.

So the upshot is that I'm worried about my financial situation. It would have been great if I'd saved more money already, but there's nothing to be done about that now. At least I have no debt. I know I have two basic options that are within my control right now -- increase my earnings (which I have some ideas for how to do, once the divorce mess is off my plate) and/or cut the spending. But I feel like I need some realistic goals to aim for, and I am also open to suggestions in other respects.

Here's an overview:
Income: I am self employed, so it varies, but it's been about $50K/year for the past few years.
Retirement savings: $85K
Other savings: $15K
Expenses: about $4,750/month (Rent is $1,600/month. Other big expenses include food ($750/month, including occasional dining out at relatively inexpensive places), which I know I can cut down if I got serious about meal planning so I don't end up wasting food, and if I do less shopping at farmers markets or Whole Foods. But I am loathe to cut the food budget too much, because I consider it an investment in our health and therefore a source of long-term savings. I am occasionally seeing a therapist, and that's another significant chunk of change. My family is in another part of the country, and we can't stay with anyone when we visit, so that bumps up travel costs. My workload fluctuates a lot, and childcare during my really busy work periods averages out to about a couple of hundred a month on an annualized basis. I don't have a car, but public transport and Uber and local car rentals add up to a couple of hundred a month. No cable, magazine/newspaper subscriptionis, mani/pedis, landline, or other such obvious costs to cut. For clothes, I only shop sales or consignment stores, and I don't buy that many clothes anyway. I buy children's clothes on EBay if I can find what I need there.)

Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

Based on the information you gave, there's about $2,000 in expenses every month that you haven't accounted for at all with even estimates of what it goes to each month. I think you need to have more concrete information about where your $4,750 a month goes. Also, are those savings numbers just what you guess you'll have after the divorce, or is that money in your name in a separate account today? What is the figure he suggested in child support?

[Anonymous]

Child support is not supposed to make up the difference in your living expense but provide for the child's needs. That is alimony. You can ask for a few years, but since you are working its probably a no.

I would ask him to pay activities, medical and child care above the child support.

[Anonymous]

Depending on what state you are in, you may have a damn good case for alimony because of the huge disparity in your incomes.

If you are in an equitable distribution state, you also should insist on half of all assets, including retirement funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on the information you gave, there's about $2,000 in expenses every month that you haven't accounted for at all with even estimates of what it goes to each month. I think you need to have more concrete information about where your $4,750 a month goes. Also, are those savings numbers just what you guess you'll have after the divorce, or is that money in your name in a separate account today? What is the figure he suggested in child support?

I set up a spreadsheet to track all my expenses. I didn't list all the categories in my spreadsheet because there are a lot of them, but to summarize it, aside from the things I already mentioned (rent, food, transport, travel and child care), the rest of the money goes toward: household supplies $90, electric bill $60, health care (including health insurance that I will have to start paying for myself soon) $600, cell phone $40, child toys/gear/outings/activities and my share of medical and camp costs $260, books/clothing/grooming/recreation/entertainment/electronics supplies $75, and the rest is for miscellaneous things that are each not very big (gifts, renters insurance, and so on).

The savings I listed is what I have now in my own name.

He has suggested $1,200/month in child support.

And to answer another poster, I am in DC.

[Anonymous]

DC is equitable distribution. Approximately half of EVERYTHING earned during the marriage is yours (can range from 40-60 percent). I hope you have a good lawyer negotiating for u. Worth every cent. This is the time to play hard all with that fucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is equitable distribution. Approximately half of EVERYTHING earned during the marriage is yours (can range from 40-60 percent). I hope you have a good lawyer negotiating for u. Worth every cent. This is the time to play hard all with that fucker.

OP here. But isn't it half of everything that was earned and NOT spent? I don't have the financial records (they have been requested from him), but other than 401K contributions, I don't believe that very much of his income was saved over the eight years of marriage, due to childcare costs and some other big expenditures. So I don't think that alone will put me on solid footing, or even help me much at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is equitable distribution. Approximately half of EVERYTHING earned during the marriage is yours (can range from 40-60 percent). I hope you have a good lawyer negotiating for u. Worth every cent. This is the time to play hard all with that fucker.

OP here. But isn't it half of everything that was earned and NOT spent? I don't have the financial records (they have been requested from him), but other than 401K contributions, I don't believe that very much of his income was saved over the eight years of marriage, due to childcare costs and some other big expenditures. So I don't think that alone will put me on solid footing, or even help me much at all.

Was it spent on tangible items like cars, electronics, etc.? If so, you are entitled to of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on the information you gave, there's about $2,000 in expenses every month that you haven't accounted for at all with even estimates of what it goes to each month. I think you need to have more concrete information about where your $4,750 a month goes. Also, are those savings numbers just what you guess you'll have after the divorce, or is that money in your name in a separate account today? What is the figure he suggested in child support?

I set up a spreadsheet to track all my expenses. I didn't list all the categories in my spreadsheet because there are a lot of them, but to summarize it, aside from the things I already mentioned (rent, food, transport, travel and child care), the rest of the money goes toward: household supplies $90, electric bill $60, health care (including health insurance that I will have to start paying for myself soon) $600, cell phone $40, child toys/gear/outings/activities and my share of medical and camp costs $260, books/clothing/grooming/recreation/entertainment/electronics supplies $75, and the rest is for miscellaneous things that are each not very big (gifts, renters insurance, and so on).

The savings I listed is what I have now in my own name.

He has suggested $1,200/month in child support.

And to answer another poster, I am in DC.

Child support doesn't fully look just at expenses. It is a formula based on your income and other factors. You can spend anything you want, but that's not how chid support works. Your attorney needs to figure out how much.

[Anonymous]

I just used the DC child support calculator (it comes up on google) and plugging in your salary as $50k and his as $200k and him having the kid 35% of the time (that was the min for the shared custody option) and ignoring cost of health care for the child and childcare costs, his presumptive child support payment to you is $1859.

That's the guideline if you have a combined salary of $240k. I can't imagine it would be lower than that if your salary was higher, especially given the salary discrepancy. I think his suggestion of $1200 is pretty laughable.

[Anonymous]

Question for the OP: do you have a lawyer?

[Anonymous]

He thinks he can get away with only paying $1200 a month when he earns 200k plus? LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for the OP: do you have a lawyer?

Yes I do. My takeaway from consultations so far is that things could go either way for me, depending on the judge if it goes to court, and it might require a costly legal battle to take it that far. Not reassuring.

And to answer the other question above, most of the income during the marriage was spent on intangible items.

[Anonymous]

So all of the lawyers think the $1200 for child support is adequate?

[Anonymous]

Best money you will spend on your future will be for a lawyer and financial adviser. One will not replace the other, but the combined skill set will help you to craft a settlement that will allow you to see your financial future and prepare for it. Been there done that paid for it and very glad I did.