Watching your friends relocate to the burbs for "schools"

[Anonymous]

DD just started 3rd grade and same as the previous year's a small but consistent flow of our friends and acquaintances are no longer there. We do the tap dance of one or two play dates after they move where the conversation always circles back to their rationalization of why they just had to move out of the city which comes off as (you will understand soon enough). Am I missing something or are all of our peers simply misguided. It seems like every friend she makes now lives in Md or VA. I assume it will stabilize by middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just started 3rd grade and same as the previous year's a small but consistent flow of our friends and acquaintances are no longer there. We do the tap dance of one or two play dates after they move where the conversation always circles back to their rationalization of why they just had to move out of the city which comes off as (you will understand soon enough). Am I missing something or are all of our peers simply misguided. It seems like every friend she makes now lives in Md or VA. I assume it will stabilize by middle school?

Totally depends on your neighborhood. But yes it is very typical and never really ends although I think it tapers off.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why you had to put quotation marks around schools. Your friends moved for better schools, they're not lying and actually moving for some other reason.

Yes, the schools are better and that's something that important to their particular family. If you're happy with your schools then you wouldn't move for that reason. It's not something you're missing, you choose to live based on what's important to you if you have the means.

For some that's schools, for some that's commute, for some that's being able to live without a car, etc. As far as whether it will change in middle school, that's probably going to be based a lot on how good your middle school is.

[Anonymous]

I moved for better public schools, and particularly for one school that knows how to care for special needs.

If your kids are in private, OP, then you've got nothing to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they make a lot more money now and don't want to make you feel bad. It's not nice to talk about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just started 3rd grade and same as the previous year's a small but consistent flow of our friends and acquaintances are no longer there. We do the tap dance of one or two play dates after they move where the conversation always circles back to their rationalization of why they just had to move out of the city which comes off as (you will understand soon enough). Am I missing something or are all of our peers simply misguided. It seems like every friend she makes now lives in Md or VA. I assume it will stabilize by middle school?

Don't forget all the families who stay in DC but move their kids to privates. It's next to impossible in NW DC to have a cohort of friends who end up attending the same public schools.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are missing something - it's called middle school and high school. Unless you like your zoned schools, it seems totally normal for people to start bailing at 2nd and 3rd grade instead of waiting for 6th grade. Much better to get settled in and make some friends before middle school.

[Anonymous]

Which elementary are you in OP?

[Anonymous]

We moved to the burbs and it was a confluence of factors. Yes, schools were important. But having two kids in a small townhouse was becoming unpleasant, and we could not afford something bigger downtown without sacrificing a lot of convenience (ie, going way into Northeast). So we were thinking about it, and then I was offered a job within my agency which was in some office space in MoCo. So all of those things together just put us over the edge. Even if we didn't have kids, we would have moved for the nicer place and shorter commute to the new job.

[Anonymous]

Do you have just one kid, OP? A lot of people in my neighborhood (Shaw) live in condos or half-townhouses, and with two kids it gets to be pretty cozy. It's about the school, but more than that too.

[Anonymous]

This isn't surprising....raising kids in the city isn't for everyone. Plus, DC is and always has been transient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have just one kid, OP? A lot of people in my neighborhood (Shaw) live in condos or half-townhouses, and with two kids it gets to be pretty cozy. It's about the school, but more than that too.

We're not in Shaw but see this a lot in our neighborhood too

[Anonymous]

This happens OP. And the worst part is having to listen to your friends justify their decisions to leave by putting down your decision to stay - by insisting that the school where you are sending your child, where you can see with your own eyes your child is thriving - is somehow wrecking your child.

It hurst, and it is hard to listen to. And it has no basis in reality. But eventually, you become tight with cohort that stays. (or you leave and become like your friends. And as much as I'd like all my friends to stay, it is not a mortal sin to move to the burbs).

[Anonymous]

It's okay. Those of us out in the burbs have the same experience with friends who send kids to private schools or move out of one suburban school's zone to another one because it starts with a "W."

I guess this is all part of being an adult. We make the best choices for ourselves and our families that we can based on our priorities and understanding and capabilities, and we should try to do it without sacrificing our friendships to insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Hoping at least a significant percent of the kids in our elementary will stay together for Hardy... the trends are looking good. If not, we're MoCo bound in 4th.