DH doesn't want sex...

[Anonymous]

DH and I have been married five years and have two young kids. Before kids, we had sex at least once a day. Now, we've had sex twice in the last year. I always tell him I'd like to be more intimate. I was having trouble initiating due to body image (not fat, but things have changed since kids....still a size six). I initiated twice last weekend and DH couldn't perform (blamed it on the wine he had). Was successful the next day, but took forever to get him to that place. I've pranced around naked in front of him, tried on sexy underwear, etc....nothing seems to interest him. I know he isn't gay and don't think he's cheating (when he does perform it's very short). How can I get our sex life back on track? He honestly doesn't care about being intimate unless we're trying for a child and I think it's hurting our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Legit 6 or vanity sizing 6?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legit 6 or vanity sizing 6?

Legit six. I work out and am fit. DH on the other hand is still struggling to lose weight...think it might contribute to his low sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married five years and have two young kids. Before kids, we had sex at least once a day. Now, we've had sex twice in the last year. I always tell him I'd like to be more intimate. I was having trouble initiating due to body image (not fat, but things have changed since kids....still a size six). I initiated twice last weekend and DH couldn't perform (blamed it on the wine he had). Was successful the next day, but took forever to get him to that place. I've pranced around naked in front of him, tried on sexy underwear, etc....nothing seems to interest him. I know he isn't gay and don't think he's cheating (when he does perform it's very short). How can I get our sex life back on track? He honestly doesn't care about being intimate unless we're trying for a child and I think it's hurting our relationship.

There are probably a lot more men that would love their wives desiring more intimacy, not just sex, and would be thrilled with that naked prancing.

I would ask him to be tested. Unless you married someone in with an AARP membership this is not the norm.

[Anonymous]

How old is he? If he is not in his 20s then get his testosterone tested.

[Anonymous]

We've been married 3 decades and I'm old, fat, have health problems yet my husband still chases me.

Time for a doctor visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? If he is not in his 20s then get his testosterone tested.

Not in his 20s? Men in their 20s can't have low t?

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a fatass and maybe he's self conscious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married five years and have two young kids. Before kids, we had sex at least once a day. Now, we've had sex twice in the last year. I always tell him I'd like to be more intimate. I was having trouble initiating due to body image (not fat, but things have changed since kids....still a size six). I initiated twice last weekend and DH couldn't perform (blamed it on the wine he had). Was successful the next day, but took forever to get him to that place. I've pranced around naked in front of him, tried on sexy underwear, etc....nothing seems to interest him. I know he isn't gay and don't think he's cheating (when he does perform it's very short). How can I get our sex life back on track? He honestly doesn't care about being intimate unless we're trying for a child and I think it's hurting our relationship.

He could be gay and just wanted kids. Most young men masturbate once a day minimum. There would be little difference between that and having sex with a woman if he was gay or bi learning towards gay.

[Anonymous]

Is he on antidepressants? Sex drive killer in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married five years and have two young kids. Before kids, we had sex at least once a day. Now, we've had sex twice in the last year. I always tell him I'd like to be more intimate. I was having trouble initiating due to body image (not fat, but things have changed since kids....still a size six). I initiated twice last weekend and DH couldn't perform (blamed it on the wine he had). Was successful the next day, but took forever to get him to that place. I've pranced around naked in front of him, tried on sexy underwear, etc....nothing seems to interest him. I know he isn't gay and don't think he's cheating (when he does perform it's very short). How can I get our sex life back on track? He honestly doesn't care about being intimate unless we're trying for a child and I think it's hurting our relationship.

I am the OP from the similar post on this page (approaching one year without sex with DH). I suspect that if I was pushing mine more I would probably end up with same result as you (put in front of the fact that he is not able to perform). I think I'v been reluctant to put him in that position as he is very proud and would be hurt.. But time for a change.. I am dragging him to doc + therapy in the coming month.. Will report back

[Anonymous]

Gay?

Loss of physical attraction to you?

Cheating?

Ive never experienced this problem in my relationships. Ive always assumed straight men think about sex all the time. So if a woman, especially the wive, offered they'll jump on that opportunity.

[Anonymous]

OP here...DH is definitely not on antidepressants. The closest thing he watches to porn is 50 shades of gray (when I'm out of town). Don't think he watches on his computer because it is a work laptop and he'd be fired. We had an awesome sex life until our first child came along (to be honest it was a surprise). I am really anxious that he just might not find me attractive, but I do think I've kept things together more than he has. Afraid to bring up low testosterone because I know he'll be offended. Have suggested therapy, but never follows through. I realize relationships take work, but I'm tired of feeling unattractive because my initiations are declined. He knows my feelings (wish there was more intimacy) and has failed to address them continuously. Seems silly to end a marriage over this, but I'm too young to give up sex (and feel it's an important component of a happy marriage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...DH is definitely not on antidepressants. The closest thing he watches to porn is 50 shades of gray (when I'm out of town). Don't think he watches on his computer because it is a work laptop and he'd be fired. We had an awesome sex life until our first child came along (to be honest it was a surprise). I am really anxious that he just might not find me attractive, but I do think I've kept things together more than he has. Afraid to bring up low testosterone because I know he'll be offended. Have suggested therapy, but never follows through. I realize relationships take work, but I'm tired of feeling unattractive because my initiations are declined. He knows my feelings (wish there was more intimacy) and has failed to address them continuously. Seems silly to end a marriage over this, but I'm too young to give up sex (and feel it's an important component of a happy marriage).

You'll eventually cheat if he keeps this up. As soon as another man finds you attractive and makes attempts, you'll follow through. You're right, sex is important and it's the glue to the other stuff. Without That part, you're just annoying roommates. I mean, you can like your roommate, maybe love them. Without that component though, your relationship isn't a full one.

Both of you should go to therapy to address this issue or you'll be riding the next attractive man that shows you attention.

[Anonymous]

Does he not have a smartphone? Many people watch porn on that.