s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior

[Anonymous]

So here is a spin off. There is a mom at our kid's school, which is now high school, but this went through middle school, who has called several parents accusing their children of bullying and being mean to her daughter. One time it was texting late at night about some slight. Accusations of her kid being left out and how her dd is the nicest, most sensitive girl around were conveyed. My DD and I had no idea at this point about her child "sobbing whole night." Accusations were false, it was a simple miscommunication about an afternoon activity. I am not involved in every detail of my teen DD's social life. I found out later that this same mom called other parents and had issues with other parents in regards to her child and made similar accusations not just at school but at sports activities. It was conveyed to me that this girl goes around school declaring her hate for my DD, other kids and even her mom. Mom would call me and other parents and pile up evil deeds by our children that other parents and I never heard about. My DD was stunned to hear these accusations and thought the other girl was being hurtful and cutting her off. Girls made up a few weeks later and all was good, but are not as great friends. The message I tried to convey was to leave the girls to sort this out, my DD said that she never saw it as a big deal since the behavior of this girl was typical, sometimes she is nice some times she ignores people. What do you do if somebody calls you and accuses your child of bad behavior? I told her that I will talk to my child and find out what is happening but she was angry and accusing me of not believing her and taking her word at face value, hence accepting that her child is right and mine is wrong. The other parents and I in our group have never had an issue with anybody else or between us ever. This is the only instance. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I would invite the mom to lunch and try to get to know her. You mention that you are part of a group of moms, this can be very insular and play out as a group dynamic with the kids of those moms being snobs. I doubt she is either all wrong nor all right in her complaints, but a little charity on your part could go a long way. You can always decide she is a crazy loon after you have made an attempt to befriend her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So here is a spin off. There is a mom at our kid's school, which is now high school, but this went through middle school, who has called several parents accusing their children of bullying and being mean to her daughter. One time it was texting late at night about some slight. Accusations of her kid being left out and how her dd is the nicest, most sensitive girl around were conveyed. My DD and I had no idea at this point about her child "sobbing whole night." Accusations were false, it was a simple miscommunication about an afternoon activity. I am not involved in every detail of my teen DD's social life. I found out later that this same mom called other parents and had issues with other parents in regards to her child and made similar accusations not just at school but at sports activities. It was conveyed to me that this girl goes around school declaring her hate for my DD, other kids and even her mom. Mom would call me and other parents and pile up evil deeds by our children that other parents and I never heard about. My DD was stunned to hear these accusations and thought the other girl was being hurtful and cutting her off. Girls made up a few weeks later and all was good, but are not as great friends. The message I tried to convey was to leave the girls to sort this out, my DD said that she never saw it as a big deal since the behavior of this girl was typical, sometimes she is nice some times she ignores people. What do you do if somebody calls you and accuses your child of bad behavior? I told her that I will talk to my child and find out what is happening but she was angry and accusing me of not believing her and taking her word at face value, hence accepting that her child is right and mine is wrong. The other parents and I in our group have never had an issue with anybody else or between us ever. This is the only instance. WWYD?

The other girl might have some awkward social skills and is ultra sensitive, but I doubt don't your DD or the rest of the group friends are innocent either.

[Anonymous]

Child #1 I would be very surprised. #1 is the kindest, most sensitive, champion of the underdogs that I know.

Child #2 would have already told me. Honest to a fault and loves to tattle, even if that means punishment for child #2. I would not be surprised and punishment or a talking to probably already happened.

Child #3 Unfortunately, I would probably automatically assume the other parents words had a fair amount of truth to them. #3 is impulsive, wild, fun and sneaky. Not looking forward to the teen years.

However, if the other parent came in yelling and raising cane, mama bear instinct would probably kick in, even with #3.

[Anonymous]

I'd believe them if they described wild, impulsive behavior, but not bullying or meanness. My two DD have ADHD, but are incredibly sweet to others. If anything, they are too tolerant and easily swayed by others. Made it through the teen years with #1 strictly because she had a great core peer group. I'm still helping the younger one build that.

[Anonymous]

I would ask her to send you the text, apologize for the behavior and let her know given the issues, it's best the girls keep their distance. You will block her daughter from your child's phone to make sure it does not happen again.

[Anonymous]

What do you do if somebody calls you and accuses your child of bad behavior?

I understand answering her call the first time. After that I don't know why you answered the call. Don't. You don't need to be available. But no involving your daughter either by gossiping to your daughter re this mother.

[Anonymous]

It happened to me. I knew my child had been mean to the other child, and she even confessed after the mother left (yes, the mom showed up at my house). There were a couple of things though that led me to know the other mom is a little "off". Let me first say, what my DD did is wrong and unacceptable. We dealt with her. And it's something that happens probably every day. As in, no reason to go to someone's house and yell in their child's face, so I knew the other mom was a bit...dramatic. After a few parents mentioned this mom had approached them about their own children "slighting" her child, I considered the source, as they say. We try to avoid that mom and her child now.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the replies. This was a while ago, and I no longer have contact with this parent. My DD is polite but not really involved with the other girl anymore. The other threads of similar kind reminded me of this issue. In a way, I felt like I was bullied myself during the long conversation in which she just wouldn't hang up or accept my point of view of a) letting the girls deal with it and b) me insisting I talk to my child first. By no means do I mean my DD is all rainbow and sunshine to everybody, but she is my sunshine and mine to protect and discipline when needed.

[Anonymous]

I think this approaching other parents over social quarrels when the kids are this age, is really tacky and trailer-park behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this approaching other parents over social quarrels when the kids are this age, is really tacky and trailer-park behavior.

I never approached her, not once, I also didn't approach or ask other parents about it. My DD found out from her friends as several years ago my DD was new to the school. Only after that did other parents tell me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask her to send you the text, apologize for the behavior and let her know given the issues, it's best the girls keep their distance. You will block her daughter from your child's phone to make sure it does not happen again.

+1. no on can really help you if you don't explain with details on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask her to send you the text, apologize for the behavior and let her know given the issues, it's best the girls keep their distance. You will block her daughter from your child's phone to make sure it does not happen again.

I like this approach. I avoid crazy people when I can. I encourage my kids to do the same.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her that I'd discuss it with my child, and the kids should sort it out on their own. If she kept talking, I'd hang up on her. I would talk to my child, ask for the details and then have a conversation about how others should be treated. If my child said something terrible, I would deal with it. She's very shy and passive, and isn't generally the type to hurl insults or snub people.

[Anonymous]

"Thanks for letting me know. I'm sorry your DD is feeling hurt. I will talk to my daughter." End of conversation.