Spouse makes me feel crazy

[Anonymous]

I will tell DH something, and later, he will deny that I ever told him. For instance, at some point earlier this week, I told him his mother was going to take DD shopping for clothes Saturday, and had asked if she could spend the night, which I agreed to. Tonight, DH tells me about the plans he made for Sat to have a friend and their kid over while he works on friend's brakes. (I will be at work all weekend). I reminded him DD will be with his mom, which he completely denies I ever told him. Then he proceeds to tell me that he understands I believe I told him, but I didn't. I am SURE I told him; he is SURE I didn't.

I never made plans further than "yes DD can spend the night." I asked him to contact his mother to make further plans for what time to pick her up, and he refuses to. He said he is going to wait for his mom to call him, and then act like he never knew about the plans for DD to spend the night. I don't know why he would do that. It will just make me look bad... maybe that is the goal.

I love this man very much, and we get along well most of the time, but right now I want to smother him in his sleep. He doesn't even understand why I am angry.

[Anonymous]

It could be a hearing test is in order- truly. My DH burst into tears when we went thru a similar situation and he remembered when I gave him details. Early demintia worst case or just not important to pay attention to you...get a white board calendar.

[ThatBetch]

Scheduling gets crazy. Do yourself a favor and create some kind of joint calendar system so everyone can see what's coming up. This might've been an innocent mistake (i.e. he forgot), but it's still pretty jerkish for him to accuse you of never saying it at all and then "not understand" why that's frustrating to you.

My ex used to "forget" things all the time. I started writing them down, mostly just because he was making me feel crazy. Turns out I'm not crazy. Fancy that!

My advice would be to solve the underlying problems and eliminate the dynamic wherein you're telling him things and he can "forget them". If you love him like you say you do, it's probably not worth documenting things just to prove your point.

Cue "gaslighting" posters in 3...2...

[Anonymous]

Bombard him text reminders, immediately after you mention something. "Hey Babe, just a reminder to organize the sleepover details with your mom. Thanks!"

[Anonymous]

Let me guess. You spend about two hours every day telling him about your day, your colleagues, your commute, your hair, your dreams, your sister, your favorite color, your mother's birthday, etc. If you learned to shut your big mouth and just spent 15 minutes talking about things that mattered, then you would encounter a remarkable ability to remember the important things. The other posts -- that he has a hearing priblem or you need to talk/text more? Makes me laugh out loud! No, no, no. Talk less!

[Anonymous]

Yeah the only way to fix this in the future is with written documentation. I never had this problem with DH but my mom would always over promise, change her mind and pretend she'd never said anything. It drove me crazy!

I started sending texts or emails telling her how much I appreciated x y and z. My mom loves flattery so she'd always respond.

Then when she pretended it never happened it was easy enough to pull up the emails. Of course, this was when I was younger and needed my mom to be reliable. Now I don't care and just smile and nod whenever she makes plans I know she'll never keep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess. You spend about two hours every day telling him about your day, your colleagues, your commute, your hair, your dreams, your sister, your favorite color, your mother's birthday, etc. If you learned to shut your big mouth and just spent 15 minutes talking about things that mattered, then you would encounter a remarkable ability to remember the important things. The other posts -- that he has a hearing priblem or you need to talk/text more? Makes me laugh out loud! No, no, no. Talk less!

[Anonymous]

My ADD spouse is like this. I often just feel defeated. We'll have what I thought was a good conversation where we discussed something or came to a decision, and two weeks later, not only has he not followed up, but he broached the subject again as if it is brand new.

He at least recognizes that he does this and will believe my account, but it is enormously frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Same thing happens with me and my DH. It's like he doesn't listen to me when I tell him things. Also, recently, he's Ben putting things in the wrong place, or forgetting where things go. It's driving me bonkers!

[Anonymous]

^ been

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same thing happens with me and my DH. It's like he doesn't listen to me when I tell him things. Also, recently, he's Ben putting things in the wrong place, or forgetting where things go. It's driving me bonkers!

Mystery solved. See previous post.

"Let me guess. You spend about two hours every day telling him about your day, your colleagues, your commute, your hair, your dreams, your sister, your favorite color, your mother's birthday, etc. If you learned to shut your big mouth and just spent 15 minutes talking about things that mattered, then you would encounter a remarkable ability to remember the important things. The other posts -- that he has a hearing priblem or you need to talk/text more? Makes me laugh out loud! No, no, no. Talk less!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ADD spouse is like this. I often just feel defeated. We'll have what I thought was a good conversation where we discussed something or came to a decision, and two weeks later, not only has he not followed up, but he broached the subject again as if it is brand new.

He at least recognizes that he does this and will believe my account, but it is enormously frustrating.

This is me. I try so hard. The harder I try, the more anxiety builds up and my performance declines. I feel DHs frustration and I'm working to make it better, but even with meds, there's a limit to what I'm capable of. I'm sorry you deal with that, pp. I'm sure your DH is embarrassed and frustrated too. I know I am. And I know my apologies are meaningless. But it's not for lack of trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess. You spend about two hours every day telling him about your day, your colleagues, your commute, your hair, your dreams, your sister, your favorite color, your mother's birthday, etc. If you learned to shut your big mouth and just spent 15 minutes talking about things that mattered, then you would encounter a remarkable ability to remember the important things. The other posts -- that he has a hearing priblem or you need to talk/text more? Makes me laugh out loud! No, no, no. Talk less!

Aw. Here's the asshole who responds to every post that it's the nagging wife! We missed you!! (you are beyond messed up. please seek help)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess. You spend about two hours every day telling him about your day, your colleagues, your commute, your hair, your dreams, your sister, your favorite color, your mother's birthday, etc. If you learned to shut your big mouth and just spent 15 minutes talking about things that mattered, then you would encounter a remarkable ability to remember the important things. The other posts -- that he has a hearing priblem or you need to talk/text more? Makes me laugh out loud! No, no, no. Talk less!

Aw. Here's the asshole who responds to every post that it's the nagging wife! We missed you!! (you are beyond messed up. please seek help)

You are right! No nagging DWs in this thread. "Bombard him with text reminders." And "Yeah, the only way to fix this in the future is with written documentation." Definitely the fault of the victim here. He doesn't remember every single useless detail and task that I tell him. What gives?

[Anonymous]

Married 22 years. We never talk during the day due to our type of work.

If I don't text him he will not remember. I think his brain is overworked and he just can't remember jack shit. So much fun getting older!