Spouse makes me feel crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will tell DH something, and later, he will deny that I ever told him. For instance, at some point earlier this week, I told him his mother was going to take DD shopping for clothes Saturday, and had asked if she could spend the night, which I agreed to. Tonight, DH tells me about the plans he made for Sat to have a friend and their kid over while he works on friend's brakes. (I will be at work all weekend). I reminded him DD will be with his mom, which he completely denies I ever told him. Then he proceeds to tell me that he understands I believe I told him, but I didn't. I am SURE I told him; he is SURE I didn't.

I never made plans further than "yes DD can spend the night." I asked him to contact his mother to make further plans for what time to pick her up, and he refuses to. He said he is going to wait for his mom to call him, and then act like he never knew about the plans for DD to spend the night. I don't know why he would do that. It will just make me look bad... maybe that is the goal.

I love this man very much, and we get along well most of the time, but right now I want to smother him in his sleep. He doesn't even understand why I am angry.

Get it in writing. Text. Email.

Wait, are you sure he isn't pulling an Alfred Hitchcock on ya? LOL

[Anonymous]

Sounds like either he is trying to manipulate you or is perhaps suffering some type of memory loss.

[Anonymous]

Is this because some men after so many years of marriage just start to tune their wives out? Are you a big of a nag such that when you do have something to say that is relevant it gets lost in with the nagging?

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I send each other calendar appts for everything. Birthday parties, friends/relatives visiting, one of us going out, etc. Everything. The only things we don't calendar are weekly items like ballet on Tuesday from 5-6.

[Anonymous]

Gaslighting.

[Anonymous]

Mine doesn't hear a word I say unless he is looking at me without any distractions. Phone in hand, toddler nearby, he's chopping veggies... He can't hear me it comprehend what I am saying. Only real conversation is during dinner or after toddler is in bed.

[Anonymous]

Send him calendar invites on Outlook.

My DH also spaces out and forgets things; I am super type A and it can drive me nuts. In paper = best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess. You spend about two hours every day telling him about your day, your colleagues, your commute, your hair, your dreams, your sister, your favorite color, your mother's birthday, etc. If you learned to shut your big mouth and just spent 15 minutes talking about things that mattered, then you would encounter a remarkable ability to remember the important things. The other posts -- that he has a hearing priblem or you need to talk/text more? Makes me laugh out loud! No, no, no. Talk less!

Aw. Here's the asshole who responds to every post that it's the nagging wife! We missed you!! (you are beyond messed up. please seek help)

You are right! No nagging DWs in this thread. "Bombard him with text reminders." And "Yeah, the only way to fix this in the future is with written documentation." Definitely the fault of the victim here. He doesn't remember every single useless detail and task that I tell him. What gives?

NP. If you can't see the problem here, then you really are beyond messed up.

[Anonymous]

Try cozi family calendar. MY DH is the same.

[Anonymous]

OMG this is my DH too! He can remember every Heisman trophy winner and knows who was playing left field for the Red Sox during every game since he was 5, but somehow he can't be bothered to remember that he has to pick up DD from school on Wednesday! Yes, folks, that's right, he left a 7 yo girl at school and I got the dreaded call - during choir practice at church no less - that no one showed to pick her up. And then every time he forgets something, he claims it didn't happen, so I started documenting, sending follow up and confirmation texts. In part sincerely to remind him, and in part to make sure that I wasn't going nuts or senile.

Then when I show him the confirmation, he yells that he's too busy to keep track of these "details" - like the fact that our child was left at school! If I ask him to take care of something - replace the recalled airbag on his car, or don't lose our daughters new sunglasses because they're prescription - I will have to say it a minimum of 3 or 4 times and send at least 3 messages (PS he still hasn't replaced his airbag and he lost her sunglasses the first time he went to the pool with her). So now I've taken to sending him the contact card for an audiologist to get his hearing checked. Daily.

And for our nut job lurker, it's actually my HUSBAND who takes up every waking minute with every detail about his job, his boss's new title, his co-workers new book, his sports team's latest player to be charged with a violent criminal offense, and his 82nd retelling of some stupid story involving drugs, alcohol, and/or his job making and delivering Domino's Pizza to put himself thru college. I know the names of every single person in his office, and he can't be bothered to remember the name of my chief of staff who I've shared a tiny office with for 5 years.

I've started forwarding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I send each other calendar appts for everything. Birthday parties, friends/relatives visiting, one of us going out, etc. Everything. The only things we don't calendar are weekly items like ballet on Tuesday from 5-6.

I do this but it doesn't help because the calendar invitation doesn't send out a reminder until 15 minutes before the event is to occur, too late if DH has already forgotten. I will talk to him repeatedly about plans and he will ask me the day of or before what the plans are like he doesn't have a clue. It often devolves into a heated discussion and one of us storms off. It is very frustrating. We have teenagers with busy schedules and I just get tired of telling him repeatedly what the plans are. I wondered for the first time the other night if it could be memory loss. It may be processing but he is successful in remembering things at work. He gets our son to his appointments and practices but it creates a lot of unnecessary stress for me to have to stay on top of things for him.

[Anonymous]

Pp and I hear that. I had my DH see his doc about dementia or Alzheimer's and she pronounced him "fine" but I'm not sure how.

My DH won't sign up for shared calendar or accept invites and doesn't check calendar in kitchen. Maddening.

[Anonymous]

this is he type of forgetful husband that leaves their child in a hot car. Seriously, can be dangerous to be that forgetful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I send each other calendar appts for everything. Birthday parties, friends/relatives visiting, one of us going out, etc. Everything. The only things we don't calendar are weekly items like ballet on Tuesday from 5-6.

I do this but it doesn't help because the calendar invitation doesn't send out a reminder until 15 minutes before the event is to occur, too late if DH has already forgotten. I will talk to him repeatedly about plans and he will ask me the day of or before what the plans are like he doesn't have a clue. It often devolves into a heated discussion and one of us storms off. It is very frustrating. We have teenagers with busy schedules and I just get tired of telling him repeatedly what the plans are. I wondered for the first time the other night if it could be memory loss. It may be processing but he is successful in remembering things at work. He gets our son to his appointments and practices but it creates a lot of unnecessary stress for me to have to stay on top of things for him.

We do this for everything too. You can change the calendar invite to remind the day before or whatever timeline you want.
However in addition to reminders we sit down for 10 min every week (Sunday night) and once a month and go over the calendar for the week/month.
We are both busy with work and DH has a second job and school and I have volunteering and we have two sets of inlaws that are local and like to come over to see the baby and the baby's dr appointments (she has a condition we monitor), not to mention we like to see our friends. So we out everything on the calendar and go over it to not have conflicts. In ourselves see it helps that DH puts more than half of the stuff on there so it's not me telling him what our schedule is, it's us working out what we want to do. And we even out free time on there, like "no schedule Saturday" so we remember to not invite anyone over etc and have a free family day.