New friends...lost friend

[Anonymous]

A few months ago I met a woman through work and we began to have a business friendship. As time went on we became closer and moved toward outside of business friends, genuine friends. She has a kid but is single, I am married with children.

So I recently found out that she had feelings for me, and somehow she had forgotten from our first meetings that I was married and had kids. So obviously this came back up when I found out that she had feelings for me. No hard feelings. But I am now really heartbroken because I think I just lost a friend that I really enjoyed.

Was the friendship enjoyable because she had a crush on me? How can I remain friends with her? It certainly will be different now, but I don’t want it to be different. Should I tell her this? Telling her this seems so high-schoolish, much too dramatic for responsible adults. Basically I told her in semi serious manner “goodbye forever.” I just don’t know what to do; I’ve never been in this situation before. I feel like this is exactly why people say men and women can’t just be friends.

[Anonymous]

How could a genuine friend "forget" that you were married? You don't talk about your family during your interactions. This just doesn't make sense. Sorry you lost your friend. Let it be.

[Anonymous]

For your wife's sake, you are not friend with this woman, and keep it professional. She is single and will not care if you are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could a genuine friend "forget" that you were married? You don't talk about your family during your interactions. This just doesn't make sense. Sorry you lost your friend. Let it be.

No, we only grabbed lunch a few times, the most recent time I thought I had discussed my weekend child activities, but I cannot remember with enough certainty and the first time I am certain I told her. Other interactions were in business settings and off-hand interactions.

But yep, let it be I think is right. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For your wife's sake, you are not friend with this woman, and keep it professional. She is single and will not care if you are married.

I don't think that's right, I think she cares that I am married. Because when I brought it up, she apologized, and was embarrassed and disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago I met a woman through work and we began to have a business friendship. As time went on we became closer and moved toward outside of business friends, genuine friends. She has a kid but is single, I am married with children.

So I recently found out that she had feelings for me, and somehow she had forgotten from our first meetings that I was married and had kids. So obviously this came back up when I found out that she had feelings for me. No hard feelings. But I am now really heartbroken because I think I just lost a friend that I really enjoyed.

Was the friendship enjoyable because she had a crush on me? How can I remain friends with her? It certainly will be different now, but I don’t want it to be different. Should I tell her this? Telling her this seems so high-schoolish, much too dramatic for responsible adults. Basically I told her in semi serious manner “goodbye forever.” I just don’t know what to do; I’ve never been in this situation before. I feel like this is exactly why people say men and women can’t just be friends.

Yeah, I don't think so. I have plenty of male friend at work and outside and I don't "Forget" they are married. She knew, she just made the choice to over look it with the hopes that you would too. I don't think she is your friend, I don't think she ever was.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to be dramatic about it, "goodbye forever" thing seems a big much. Aren't you going to have to see her at work?

And be honest, what was your role in this? You seem a little coy, like you have to think about if you mentioned a kids activity.
Don't you wear a wedding band?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to be dramatic about it, "goodbye forever" thing seems a big much. Aren't you going to have to see her at work?

And be honest, what was your role in this? You seem a little coy, like you have to think about if you mentioned a kids activity.
Don't you wear a wedding band?

This one should be a goodbye forever.

She didn't forget you were married. She knew all along.

She was hoping that you wouldn't care and would be up for an affair, and when she realized you weren't she made up a silly lie that she forgot you were married.

Cut her off completely OP. You don't poke a hornets nest without getting stung, along with many innocent people who happen to be in the area.

She is bad news.

[Anonymous]

How did you find out she had feelings for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to be dramatic about it, "goodbye forever" thing seems a big much. Aren't you going to have to see her at work?

And be honest, what was your role in this? You seem a little coy, like you have to think about if you mentioned a kids activity.
Don't you wear a wedding band?

We don't work together anymore.

Honestly I cannot be sure about the kid events, but I've been replaying all the events so much in my head to see if I ever lead her on, which I'd be upset with myself about, but memories are getting fuzzier each time I replay them in my head so I have lost some certitude. I guess I'm just angry and sad, angry that she's now ruined the friendship and sad because I've lost someone who I felt close to (as a friend).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you find out she had feelings for you?

She dropped some obvious hints, and then asked if I was available.

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to remember if I ever forgot someone was married. That's something you tend to remember even if you just met someone. Even moreso if you are single and looking and might want to date them.

OP I think the truth is she thought she could entice you into an affair and when you reminded her you were married she tried to play innocent by saying she forgot

[Anonymous]

Op why don't you wear your wedding band? See, that's the real question. Op do your female friends tend to forget you are married? Has this happened a couple of times. Hmmmm! I'm just going to sip my tea and continue filing my nails while waiting for your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you need to be dramatic about it, "goodbye forever" thing seems a big much. Aren't you going to have to see her at work?

And be honest, what was your role in this? You seem a little coy, like you have to think about if you mentioned a kids activity.
Don't you wear a wedding band?

We don't work together anymore.

Honestly I cannot be sure about the kid events, but I've been replaying all the events so much in my head to see if I ever lead her on, which I'd be upset with myself about, but memories are getting fuzzier each time I replay them in my head so I have lost some certitude. I guess I'm just angry and sad, angry that she's now ruined the friendship and sad because I've lost someone who I felt close to (as a friend).

Dude, you had a few lunches together. What's with all the emotion about it? You obviously we're developing feelings for her too, but don't want to admit it to yourself. It's like you're playing dumb, but with yourself.

No way she "forgot" you were married. Unless you don't wear a ring and were steadfast in avoiding any conversation about your wife and kids. But if she was interested in you, your marital status is one of the first things she would have registered.

Now that you know she was interested in dating you, you need to let go of the fantasy of this lost "friendship"... because that's not what it was. Gimme a break. Go tell your wife that you're emotionally vulnerable due to this friendship lost. See how she reacts.

Stop being a yodel-head.

[Anonymous]

As PPs noted, she never forgot you were married. It was never a real friendship. She was looking for something more. Praise whatever deity you worship that you dodged a bullet.