Mother in law forces my son to give hugs and kisses.
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Anonymous
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When my mother in law visits she will bring a toy/book and then tell my son(3.5)she will only give it to him if he gives a kiss. Then if he doesn't want to she will tell him she is going to give his presents to a nice boy. My son is affectionate but hates to be forced to give hugs and kisses. She will also pout and tell him that he is hurting her feelings if he doesn't hug her every time she asks. Even once told him he was being "bad" because he didn't want to sit on her lap for a story. My husband just ignores it, and says I should do. I feel like at this point he is getting old enough that I need say something.
It's getting the point that my son no longer looks forward to her coming and doesn't play with her much at all. (He loves when my parents come to visit) and she spend most of the visits crying saying that if she saw him more they would have a better relationship. |
Anonymous
Seriously, this is your problem? Is she forcing you to give her a hug and a kiss? No? Why do you have to interject yourself between grandparents and grandchildren. Let them figure out what works for them. |
Anonymous
| So just gently exain to her that the emotional Al blackmail is why your son doesn't like her? You don't know what will happen u til you say somethinging. |
Anonymous
| Tell him he doesn't have to hug, in her presence. His body is his. Teach him to high five or wave a hello. If their relationship isn't close, that's the natural consequence to her behavior - maybe she will learn, maybe not. He might warm up over the course of the visit if she doesn't push; try explaining that to her. |
Anonymous
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Nip this in the bud. Your son owns his body and "owes" affection to no one. What a horrible example to set, that affection can be "bought" for gifts or that "good children" give affection.
You are right, OP. Protect your child. http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/ |
Anonymous
| My husband and my stepdaughter both do this to my child. It's so annoying and he hates it. They are both in his face saying, "can I have a kiss?" and they do it over and over again until he relents or cries. They also make pouty faces if they don't get a kiss. I don't want to say anything to either of them bc it seems like a ridiculous thing to pick on, but I can't stand it and am secretly happy when DS pushes them off. |
Anonymous
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OP, your son shouldn't hig anyone he doesn't want to but from your post you are at least half of this problem.
Quit trying to create power struggles with your mother in law. You have a son. One day, you will be the MIL.to his spouse. Try to model the same type of treatment of her and promote a loving grandma/grandson relationship between them so that you will hopefully have the same with your future grandchildren. |
Anonymous
+1 Children should NEVER be forced to hug or kiss anyone, especially for a gift! Gross. |
Anonymous
Children aren't empowered. |
Anonymous
+1 DH should tell his mother that you don't force your son to touch anyone. It's his body and a bad example to set ("we don't want him to think he has to touch grown ups because they ask"). Maybe if it's framed in those terms she will really that she's acting pretty terribly. I would be horrified if either grandma did that to my daughter. |
Anonymous
Teaching them that adults have a right to their body/their affection grooms children for molestation and abuse. |
Anonymous
| OP - serious question. Would you be as upset if it was your mother (vs MIL)? |
Anonymous
Clearly not since she rather unnecessarily mentions that he loves it when her parents visit. I think OP is half the problem here. |
Anonymous
That's where I was coming from. |
Anonymous
| Its because it is your MIL. You are used to what your own mother does, so you do not react to it. MIL comes from another family, and her every action is scrutinized by you. |