Bf proposed last night; his family is unhappy

[Anonymous]

My wonderful boyfriend proposed to me last night. This morning we called his parents to tell them the good news. It did not go over well. His mom went silent on the phone and asked him why he did it and why he did not ask for her approval. He told her he already told them he was serious about me and that he explicitly told her he was going to propose to me soon and it is not our fault she did not listen. Furthermore her being shocked makes no sense since we have been dating for 4 years and I have spent a lot of time with the family.

We are so disappointed and I am heartbroken. Neither his mom, dad or siblings have called to wish us well. We have decided to not speak to them for now.



Way to ruin our moment.

[Anonymous]

It makes no sense? Really? There have been no clues that they don't like you? Or, are you very young?

[Anonymous]

Were you on the phone when she said, "asked (him) why he did it and why he did not ask for her approval"

If you were NOT on the phone - - then HE is being hurtful by telling you.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, he should stand up for himself. She needs to know he will not listen to her mean comments. And he needs to stop sharing these conversations with you. It only makes the damage worse.

[Anonymous]

There's more to the story here, right?
Cultural differences? ( Mom needs to be asked permission? Really? This is definitely some cultural thing...what country are they from?)
Your age...you are barely out of high school...not really employed ?
You are an opioid addict or your fiancee is?
You are expecting?
Come on, explain the rest of the story!

[Anonymous]

Something is missing from this story . . .

[Anonymous]

That's about the reaction we got! I even remember hearing a "that's a terrible idea" mumbled (we told them at the dinner table). It never really got any better. They are from a western european country. I could understand what they were saying to each other, though they thought I was too stupid (It's a very common language). At the time I was mortified. 16 years later it makes me laugh.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. That sounds awful. Congratulations on the proposal, though.

What is your cultural background? I think it's unusual (in the US) for a mother-son relationship to work this way.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp there's more to story that you are not sharing. As I like to say, there's no smoke without fire.

[Anonymous]

Get drunk

[Anonymous]

When I told my mom I was engaged, she said, "you didn't even bother to comment on my new wall color."

So, thrilled, she was not. I eloped. And she got mad at that. I didn't want to deal with her attending just because of show.

12 years later, she loves him. She still is iffy about me.

In my mom's case it was a combination of bigotry and a fear of change. But she got over some of them both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I told my mom I was engaged, she said, "you didn't even bother to comment on my new wall color."

So, thrilled, she was not. I eloped. And she got mad at that. I didn't want to deal with her attending just because of show.

12 years later, she loves him. She still is iffy about me.

In my mom's case it was a combination of bigotry and a fear of change. But she got over some of them both.

Oh, and as to the not speaking part, it's a little juvenile. Your fiance needs to go talk to them face to face and find out what's up. I think he should go alone and manage his own family, personally, but I know others feel it should be both. I just think he's got a better shot of getting an honest answer out of them if it's just him. And he needs to tell them in no uncertain terms that this is what he's chosen and they need to be polite about it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, maybe they don't like you. Warranted or not. My dad was not at all happy when my ex proposed and I thought it was just my dad being macho about his little girl. When my fiancé proposed, my dad had a completely different reaction and has been very happy.

[Anonymous]

Are you the GF who got into a fight with her boyfriends mother last year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you on the phone when she said, "asked (him) why he did it and why he did not ask for her approval"

If you were NOT on the phone - - then HE is being hurtful by telling you.

Not really. If his mom is being a b*tch she deserves to know, even if she wasn't on the call. What was he supposed to do, lie and pretend they were happy about it to cover for his mom's attitude? Great way to start a relationship. Unless he is a complete mommy's boy, I can't think of any reason she needs to give her permission.